The Martin Chronicles is reminded of the old story about the four men in trench coats intently staring in to Uncle Fredo's open casket at poor Fredo's visitation. No, the four men weren't there to pay their respects. They were there to confirm that Uncle Fredo was really dead and gone.
While we aren't sure whether Villa Hills' moribund Mayor Mike Martin was wearing a trench coat, we have heard that he also recently paid an unusual and unwelcome visit to a wake. Sources tell us that many people were highly offended by the Charlatan CEO's mere presence. Why? In order to understand that we'll need to give you some background.
In short, we have told you how Martin callously cobbled together a corn pone coalition by telling LIE after LIE after LIE after LIE after LIE to narrowly win his 2010 mayoral run. Surprisingly, Martin actually kept one or two of the promises he made. This story involves one of them.
The Fidgety Forger promised some mean-spirited neighborhood busy-bodies-you know the type, total jerks just like The Dissembling Dipstick-that he would punish their senior-citizen neighbors if they helped him get elected. For what? Well, the offending octogenarian couple had too many pets for those nasty neighbors' liking. That was simply unacceptable to those holier-than-thou phonies.
So what did Martin end up doing? It was roughly the equivalent of unclogging a toilet with several sticks of dynamite. Come to think of it, given the "shoddy at best" reputation of Martin's unlicensed handyman "business", Shorty has probably done that on at least one occasion. Probably not on Sister-In-Law Sharon's toilet though. Right, Eddie?
Martin worked with the Kenton Kounty "braintrust" of the bilious blowhard Kounty Boss Steve Barfinghaus and Scarry Garry Edmonson to unleash the full force and fury of Kenton Kounty's Krack Homeland Security Team on the doddering old couple. Pets were slaughtered in the front yard. Senior citizens slapped with harsh fines. Best of all? These poor old people's vicious neighbors jumped for joy.
The health of the golden-aged couple began to decline soon after "All Hail The Superior" callously orchestrated their very public embarrassment. Some family members are convinced that the decline may have been accelerated by the needlessly harsh treatment these octogenarians received from The Nitwit From Norwood and his Krass Kenton Kounty pals. So be it.
One of Shorty's pet-owning targets recently passed away. As we already wrote, the macabre mayor decided to add one final insult to the fatal injury he helped inflict by crashing the visitation. Some witnesses say they saw Shorty standing over the open casket muttering to the deceased, "I'm the CEO. It's my decision. We're moving on. Get over it."
[EDITOR'S NOTE: NEXT UP, a rundown on some BIG stories we are following.]
