The Martin Chronicles: The Beginning Of WHAT?!?!

The Martin Chronicles asks you to imagine along with us that a group of intrepid archaeologists has discovered another apocryphal book buried-appropriately enough-in a crock in the mud along the banks of Lake General Zod. These archaeologists were able to determine that the book was written in ancient Norwoodian and they were able to translate it in to English. The apocryphal book's title? The Book of Martin, of course.

The opening line in this apocryphal Book of Martin reads, "In the beginning, Shorty created a reality all his very own". The problem? In a City currently being mismanaged by this fantasy-infused malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin, the terrified townspeople are being forced to join the Little CEO in his imaginary cuckoo land.

So to which Martin fantasy do we refer this time? First, we are going to take the leap of faith required to trust that the Gannett cub reporter quoted Shorty accurately when she wrote that he prefaced his revelation that he has been shopping City police protection with "As I told everyone from the beginning . . . ". Trusting the accuracy of the quote, we will ask what the cub reporter so egregiously failed to ask the malfeasant Martin, "When on The Almighty Spirit's green earth did you tell anyone that you were preparing to disband the Villa Hills Police Department and contract with another agency?"

Just why would we ask that question? Especially when we know that Martin will simply tell some ridiculous LIE. Well, because we want The Dissembling Doofus to go on the record with his ridiculous LIE. Shorty has put together quite a pernicious portfolio already. But this cavalier canard may be the cake-taker come the 2014 election. Social networking traffic indicate residents are none too pleased with Martin's plans to blow up the police department.

Look, we know that some people will believe whatever The Swiveling Snake Oil Salesman says. But that number of "some people" is shrinking. And Martin was only able to squeak out the narrowest of victories after running one of the most mean-spirited, deceitful dirt bag campaigns in the history of local Northern Kentucky politics in 2010. Shorty is very vulnerable.

There is even more evidence of The Norwood Nitwit's vulnerability. 2012 council candidate Dale Schaber's embarrassing defeat provides further proof. Schaber failed despite-or more likely because-of Martin's heavy campaigning on his behalf. The stage is set. Now the City just needs a viable candidate who is prepared to handle the LIBEL, SLANDER and DEFAMATION that Martin, his loud-mouthed wife Janet and their hillbilly lynchmob are sure to send.

Why do we care? We really don't. That is except for the fact that we really, really, really don't like nasty tinpot dictators like Castro, Mugabe, Chavez, Karimov, al Assad and, of course, Martin.

We haven't liked any of them from the beginning.