We've done a lot of checking. School records from Norwood High clearly prove that math is not Shorty's strong suit. Even the casual observer should have easily come to that conclusion when Martin waxed ineloquently about "five-sided octagons" all those dreadful council meetings ago. Even still, let's try an old fashioned "word problem".
Kenton Kounty Boss Steve Barfinghaus' emergency dispatch service sends out a call at 10:45pm on a Saturday night that there is a fill-in-the-current-blank (home invasion, burglary, theft, break-in, hold-up, mugging, drug deal, gun fight, knife fight, cat fight, cock fight, homicide or any of the other current elements of Villa Hills' skyrocketing crime rate) taking place in a home on Brookview Court. Let's use 2630 Brookview Court for this word problem.
For the sake of discussion, let's assume that in both instances the responding police officer is located at their headquarters. Martin is currently leaning towards contracting with the City of Ludlow PD, headquartered at 51 Elm Street, or 5.4 miles away from 2630 Brookview Court.
The Villa Hills PD is located at 719 Rogers Road, actually in Villa Hills-at least for now. The Villa Hills-at least for now- officer would have to travel 1.08 miles to 2630 Brookview Court. Again, let's assume that the responding officer travels at the same safe but urgent rate of speed-35 miles per hour-from either Ludlow or Villa Hills to get to the tumult taking place at 2630 Brookview Court.
Are you still with us? Good. Now, what are the travel times for (1) the Ludlow officer and (2) the-at least for now-Villa Hills officer to get to 2630 Brookview Court? C'mon, you can do it! Remember your basic algebra. Good, let's check your answer.
Ludlow officer's travel time to 2630 Brookview Court: 9 minutes, 15 seconds
Villa Hills-at least for now-officer's travel time to 2630 Brookview Court: 1 minute, 51 seconds.
Okay, you ass clowns from the civic club can sit out the rest of this math quiz. It's way, way, way over your heads.
(a) 9 minutes, 15 seconds < 1 minute, 51 seconds
(b) 9 minutes, 15 seconds > 1 minute, 51 seconds
(c) 9 minutes, 15 seconds = 1 minute, 51 seconds
(d) none of the above
Mark your answer. Okay, which did you choose? If you chose (b), 9 minutes, 15 seconds > 1 minute, 51 seconds, you are CORRECT! The rest of you will get an autographed (we aren't exactly sure who's name Martin signed on the tee-shirt) red-on-white "Mike Martin for Mayor" 2010-vintage tee-shirt courtesy of the 2014 Committee To Reelect The Pinhead (CREEP) as a lovely parting gift. You can wear it proudly. Or do what we did, BURN IT.
Here is where it gets just a little bit tricky. How much faster was the response time of the-at least for now-Villa Hills officer than the Ludlow officer travelling to 2630 Brookview Court?
(a) 2 times faster
(b) 3.5 times faster
(c) 5 times faster
(d) a lot faster
Are you finished? Okay. If you chose (c), 5 times faster, you are CORRECT! Depending on what your definition of "a lot" is, (d) is at least partially correct as well.
For the record, here are the distances from the other police departments the mendacious Martin has approached. Remember, the Villa Hills Police Department is 1.08 miles away from 2630 Brookview Court-at least for the moment.
Ft. Mitchell Police Department - 3.81 miles away from 2630 Brookview Court
Park Hills Police Department - 4.57 miles away from 2630 Brookview Court
Erlanger Police Department - 4.77 miles from 2630 Brookview Court
Kenton County Police Department - 14.34 miles from 2630 Brookview Court
How much money does The Nitwit From Norwood have to "save" you annually in order to justify much slower response times and a lot less safety? We wonder what Shorty's definition of "a lot" is. Would you settle for being less safe for a savings of $10K a year? $25K a year? How about being less safe for $50K a year? $75K? $100K? What is your number?
Look, the ass clowns from the civic club, Tea Party fanatics, EDDIE and the St. Jokers don't care. But do you?
By the way, how much more time does new Councilmember Rod Baehner think Shorty needs? How much "patience" is required as Martin pushes to finally get the revenge he has sought? Is this about safety? Or is it about some amount of money?
How much is your safety worth to you?
[EDITOR'S NOTE: One last important number. It's 630 days until Mayor Moron stands for re-election. We need one decent candidate (READ: NOT the way-too-"patient" Rod Baehner) to stand up and challenge him knowing full well that Martin, his loud-mouthed wife Janet and the rest of the hillbilly lynchmob will LIBEL, SLANDER and DEFAME that challenger. It's all about 11-4-14.]
