Basic Accounting By THE ACME CORPORATION

The Martin Chronicles reporters are all huge fans of animated entertainment-aka cartoons. Among the staff's favorite cartoon topics? The never-ending struggle between the Road Runner and self-professed "super genius" Wile E. Coyote. Mr. Coyote continually patronizes THE ACME CORPORATION in search of that one tool that will finally bring the Road Runner to the dinner table. But it seems that no amount of ACME catapults, crossbows, earthquake pills, jet-propelled pogo sticks or boxes of exploding tennis balls can get old Wile E. where he hopes to go.

The troubled town of Villa Hills has its own self-professed "super genius". Who is their Wile E. Coyote? Why its malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin of course. Want some proof? Well, it has become abundantly clear that Martin and his $47.50 per hour crony hire, bucket-headed clerk/bookkeeper Cordelia Schaber rely heavily upon THE ACME CORPORATION's twisted text book, Basic Accounting.

Someone should probably let them know that this text book has been thoroughly discredited.Given the dismal, distorted condition of Villa Hills' financial records, Martin and Schaber should probably be able to figure that out themselves. Wait a minute. Never mind.

Our beloved publisher has engaged the services of some Certified Public Accountants to take their own look at that tangles bag of snakes referred to as the City's financial reports. What they see isn't too good. In fact, it's a mess.

The CPAs had several observations about the sad state of affairs. Here are just a few.

• The City's financial records should serve as a planning tool for Martin and the six councilmembers. They need solid numbers to make the important decisions. The current numbers are so incoherent that none of them could use the information to make plans for lunch!
• The City's auditor said that an outside accountant is good from the standpoint of segregation of duties. In an organization the size of the City of Villa Hills, that is at least debatable. Either way, that accountant should be competent. Clearly, the current accountant is anything but competent.
• Why did the auditor tell the council that the current accountant is doing a good job? Think about it. Who pays the auditor? It's Martin.
• Despite Martin's incessant claim that he is "saving taxpayer money", the City is grossly over-budget. Given the unfilled positions and dearth of street repair activity, that really doesn't make any defensible sense.
• It is clear that Martin has made the conscious decision not to fill the open position at least in part to provide him some cover for his complete mismanagement of the City's budget. He's pirating money out of what are, in effect, "shell accounts" to cover his over-spending elsewhere.
• The books are a complete mess. Why? Mostly because the people keeping the records simply don't understand even basic accounting principles.

Perhaps with the exception of THE ACME CORPORATION's basic accounting principles.

Looney Tunes indeed.