Thursday, December 18, 2014

Like Sands Through The Hour Glass

The Martin Chronicles beloved publisher and entire staff are in a very festive mood. We can all see the calendar. Today is December 18, 2014. The significance of this late-in-the year date to all of us and the residents of Villa Hills is that their malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin will be out-the-door in less than two short holiday weeks.

Where has the time gone?
  • It's very hard to believe that the false, defamatory allegations and the incredible number of never-kept promises Martin made during his dirtbag 2010 mayoral campaign happened more than four dreadful years ago. What a LIAR Martin was then and is now.
  • It's very hard to believe that the Villa Hills Civic Club ass clowns have completely destroyed whatever reputation they may have had with their mindless devotion to the malfeasant Martin. These asshats now have ZERO credibility. And ZERO credibility is exactly what they have always deserved. Why? Because ZERO matches their collective IQs.
  • It's very hard to believe that Martin's bone-headed decision to crack open the City safe with a backhoe desperately looking for something to use as cooked-up "evidence" to falsely "prove" that he was a pathetic victim of "dark forces" attempting to derail his "good-government" zealotry now seems so innocent compared to the many "vile and disgusting" things tiny tyrant did while horribly botching his four years serving as mayor.
  • It's very hard to believe that the voters of Villa Hills voters once actually believed that the City Council of 2011/12 were responsible for Martin's first two dreadful years in the mayor's office. Home-made signs proclaiming that "Villa Hills needs a new council" just seem stupid now. Why? Because they were. Want proof? Well, a goodly number of the 2011/12 council will be back in office on January 1, 2015. And, the miscreant Martin will very deservedly be out-the-door.
  • It's very hard to believe that both young and old social networkers jumped up to defend Martin's "unleashed lawlessness". The facts have clearly betrayed these mindless Martinites to be nothing more than "useful idiots". Hey, that is a good thing. That's why they are now so quiet.
Truth be told, The Martin Chronicles is now happy that Martin survived his October, 2012 Removal Hearing. Sure, former Councilmembers Pope and Noll corruptly went in the tank to save Martin's undeserving hide. Sure, some once-respected residents forever-sullied their reputations with their idiotic and mean-spirited support of the undeserving Martin. Sure, terrible employees like Mary Hardman and Sue Bree sold their simpleton souls to Martin during the diminutive dictator's Removal Hearing. Sure, Martin was CONVICTED ON SEVEN OF NINE COUNTS OF OFFICIAL MISCONDUCT AND NEGLECT OF DUTY and certainly deserved being tossed out on his crooked ass. Even still, he survived.

But, what happened on November 4. 2014 is actually far better when we think about it. The voters left no doubt about what they thought of the last four years of Martin's rampant corruption, brazen cronyism and abject incompetence.

You see, Martin suffered an embarrassing, historic 84% - 16% ass-whuppin'. The voters loudly and clearly told Martin that he was woefully unequipped for the mayoral job. The voters told Martin that they finally figured out that the miniature mullah didn't have the ability, honesty or integrity to hold the mayor's office.

So, Martin will be a goner in less than two weeks. The pint-sized potentate is finally being punted away. Yes, its way past time. But that time has come.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

It's The Final Countdown

The Martin Chronicles sees Tuesday, December 16, 2014 as another landmark day in very, very soon to be out-the-door malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's Villa Hills' fifty-two year history. No, today isn't as important as November 4, 2014 (aka "Martin's Last Stand"). But a significant event did take place today.

You see, the incoming 2015/18 mayor and incoming 2015/16 councilmembers took their oaths of office today in a quiet ceremony at The Dennis M. Stein Municipal Building. Happily, the last name of the mayor-elect is not Martin. Instead, the mayor-elect's last name is Callery. Change is coming and it is coming fast.

Consider the significance of today's electoral rite of passage. It puts the finishing touches on the repudiation Mike Martin was handed-and handed very loudly-on Election Day, November 4, 2014.

You may not realize this, but Mike Martin was absolutely convinced that he was going to easily cruise to re-election on Election Day. The little fella had no idea that a huge majority of Villa Hills voters had finally come to understand the obvious fact that Martin has been lying to them for years. Martin was clueless. And several well-placed sources tell us that Martin is even still both shocked and livid about his 84%-16% Election Day drubbing.

First, the voters finally came to understand that the entire premise of Martin's 2010 mayoral campaign was an outright lie. Martin has clearly proven that he has no ability to manage a taxpayer budget much less a City Government. Martin has clearly been revealed to be the perpetrator, not the victim. Martin has clearly shown himself to be completely devoid of honesty and integrity. Martin has demonstrated beyond a shadow of a doubt that his promised "fresh start" was as "fresh" as the smell that emanates from the sanitation plant located on the western end of Amsterdam Road on its very worst days.

Second, the return of 2015 councilmembers Bruns, Kilburn and Ringo absolutely prove that a huge majority of voters now also realize that Martin lied to them yet again in 2012. After being CONVICTED ON SEVEN OF NINE COUNTS OF OFFICIAL MISCONDUCT AND NEGLECT OF DUTY in October, 2012, Martin ran a devious con that somehow worked. He convinced the still-inattentive Villa Hills voters that the convictions for his crimes were not his fault. He placed the blame for his crimes on Bruns, Kilburn, Ringo and Sogar. The 2012 voters wrong-headedly agreed.

That is no longer the case. Today clearly proves that fact. In fact, had Sogar not withdrawn from the council race in August, 2014, he also would have take his 2015/16 oath of office today.

The jig is now up. Martin has been revealed to be a sinister, pathological liar who was never up to the task of running the City he falsely professed to "love". The voters loudly told Martin on November 4 that they had finally figured-out the miniature mullah to be the ineffectual skunk that he has always been.

It will soon be a new day in Villa Hills. Let us fervently hope that this "new day" never includes a wacked-out lunatic giving another wacky, dishonest press conference in front of the City Building that Martin will finally be exiting in a little more than fifteen days.

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

Sunday, December 14, 2014

SUNDAY SUPPLEMENT: A Great New DVD Compilation

The Martin Chronicles has been hearing from our informants from the Kenton County Mayor's Group. The mayors met on Saturday, December 13. Now-outgoing Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin was there to say his long-overdue "goodbyes" and to make his MacArthur-esque pronouncement that "I shall return".

Martin was there for other reasons as well. Several sources tell us that the defeated diminutive dictator was asking around to find out how he could obtain DVD copies of all the City meetings over which he presided. Isn't that interesting?

Some speculate Martin wants the DVD's to feed his way-too-over-sized ego. Just imagine the exiled emperor sitting in his underwear, alone in a dark room, watching and re-watching the meetings and muttering to himself over and over and over again, "No one would work with me. No one would work with me. No one would work with me." Okay. You're right. Don't imagine that.

Others believe that Martin wants the DVD's to look for non-existent proof that all of the allegations he will soon be facing in personal lawsuits aren't true. Good luck with that, little fella.

Perhaps Martin wants the DVD's for an entirely different reason. You've seen the infomercials for DVD compilations of The Carol Burnett Show, The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson and The Dean Martin Roasts. We've considered the very real possibility that Martin is planning to create an infomercial to sell The Very Best of The Mike Martin Show as a fundraiser to help cover his looming legal expenses.

Hey, it could happen. Just imagine the infomercial.

Voice-over opening:

You've read about former Villa Hills Mayor Mike Martin in The Martin Chronicles. You've read stories about the former "controversial" mayor in the dinosaur media. You've read the silly social network posts from Martin Kool-Aid drinkers trying to prop up their man. You've read Martin's taxpayer-funded political propaganda piece falsely called a "Fall Newsletter". You've even seen Martin lie to your face on local television newscasts.

Now, for the very first time, you have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see former malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin in a way you may never have seen him before. Corrupt Government Productions is now offering you the rare opportunity to own The Very Best of The Mike Martin Show! This DVD set will also make a much-appreciated Christmas gift!

An opening interview with someone who had the misfortune of "working with" Martin:

"I worked with Martin when he was on city council. Brother, what an idiot. He never delivered on anything he promised to do. Never. I knew the city was in trouble when Martin was elected mayor. But I was still shocked about just how bad he was. What a complete jackass. What a liar. What an egomaniac. He was completely out of control for the whole four years".

Voice-over continues:

Yes, Martin is a lying, egomaniacal jackass. The Very Best of The Mike Martin Show gives you an insider's look at what a lying, egomaniacal jackass Martin was for four dreadful years. Don't miss this rare opportunity to own the complete DVD set!

You will see Martin at his boastful, chest-beating, strutting best.

Video footage of Martin:

"I'm the CEO. It's MY decision. Deal with it. We're moving on."

Voice-over continues:

You will see Martin during his worst of times.

Video footage of Martin:

"I just want to thank (choke-up) the residents (choke-up) for giving me the opportunity to (choke-up) serve (screw) them over the past (choke-up) years."

Voice-over continues:

You will see Martin making completely baseless allegations.

Video footage of Martin:

Martin: "Tim Sogar doesn't have an occupational license. He's breaking the law!"

City Attorney: "In my opinion, Mr. Sogar doesn't need an occupational license."

Martin: "What do you know? You're just an attorney! I say Sogar does need an occupational license! I'm the CEO!"

Voice-over continues:

You will see Martin mangle the English language with commentary by people who had the misfortune of working with the tiny tyrant.

"It was hilarious watching that doofus Martin try to pronounce words like 'subrogate'. What a goofball!."

Voice-over continues:

You will see Martin get caught in bold-faced lies. Just check out this hilarious moment.

Video footage:

Martin: "This whole special counsel investigation is a joke. They haven't even talked to me."

Special Counsel approached the mayor and drops several papers in front of him: "Mr. Mayor, these are copies of all the e-mails we sent you requesting a meeting. You replied that a meeting wasn't 'in your best interest'".

Martin: "Well, I guess you got me on that one, he, he, he, he, he".

Voice over continues:

And who can forget this flame-broiled whopper!

Video footage:

Councilmember: "So, the list you gave us is a complete list of all of the City records you (illegally) burned?

Martin: "Yes."

Councilmember: "Again, this list is a complete list of all the City records you (illegally) burned?"

Martin: "Yes."

Voice over continues:

You will also see rare footage of Martin telling local television reporters perhaps the BIGGEST LIE he told during his four years of disgrace. And that is really saying something!

Video footage of Martin:

"Chief Goodenough is just taking a few days off..."

Voice-over continues:

You will see Martin making shocking admissions like this one.

Attorney for Dan Goodenough: "Is it fair to say that the fact you have admitted that you never once talked with Chief Goodenough about your alleged concerns is proof that you failed in your duties as mayor?"

Martin: "I guess you could say that."
Voice-over continues:

You will see Martin's odd take on geometry. Check out this video of Martin describing the planned '911 Memorial' at Crescent Springs Community Park.

Video footage of Martin:

"The memorial will be an, uh, umm, five-sided octagon".

Voice-over continues:

You will get to see Martin right-hand-man, City Attorney Toad V. McMurtry waste huge sums of taxpayer money unsuccessfully trying to uncover the identities of The Martin Chronicles staff during Dan Goodenough's sham removal hearing.

Video footage:

McMurtry: "Do you, any member of your family or any of your friends write The Martin Chronicles?"

Witness: "No."

McMurtry: "Have you, any member of your family or any of your friends ever given information to The Martin Chronicles?"

Witness: "No."

McMurtry: "Have you, any members of your family or any of your friends ever left information-intentionally or unintentionally-in a carved-out pumpkin hidden in a local pumpkin patch to be retrieved by reporters of The Martin Chronicles?"

Witness: "No."

McMurtry: "Do you know who writes The Martin Chronicles?"

Witness: "No."

McMurtry: "Have any of your household pets, including dogs, cats, birds, lizards of any kind, insects and spiders of any category, Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs, wombats, bats, weasels, gerbils, hamsters, ferrets, rats, hooded rats, de-scented or scented skunks, squirrels, flying squirrels, sugar gliders, gophers or any other type of mammals secretly served as carriers to deliver secret information to The Martin Chronicles"?

Witness: "No."

Voice-over continues:

As a special bonus, you will also see goofball Martin defenders making total fools of themselves. Check this out!

Video footage:

DV: "This mayor does great things for people!"
CT: "Some councilmembers mistreat teenagers!"
JESA: "This investigation is just a witch hunt!"

Voice-over continues:

As you can see, these rare videos offer a rare glimpse in to the mangled mind of Mike Martin and his mind-numbed minions. You will also receive authenticated, collectible copies of important records and documents that will serve as a constant reminder of just how bad the four years of Martin truly were.

You will receive:
  1. An authenticated copy of the transcript were Martin admits he didn't know forgery was wrong when he was doing it but he knows it now;
  2. An authenticated copy of the signed Municipal Order granting Martin permission to bring in The Federal Bureau of Investigation to harass City employees he didn't like; and
  3. An authenticated copy of the signed Executive Order granting Martin permission to have public meeting attendees who dared to disagree with him ARRESTED;
  4. A very rare, authenticated copy of the 2012 disciplinary letter put in the hapless Sue Bree's employee file when Martin falsely blamed her for the illegal destruction of City records. Once thought missing forever, Corrupt Government Productions has discovered this document to include in this priceless DVD compilation!
  5. An authenticated copy of Martin's 2014 taxpayer-funded political propaganda piece so full of LIES that is hard to believe they could all fit on the page.
The fun doesn't stop there! Order now and receive the digitally re-mastered disk set of the malfeasant Martin's three-night removal hearing. You'll see the hillbilly wearing the straw hat with the sign that read "Follow me to the witch hunt". You'll hear stupid Martinites and event the diminutive dictator himself claim that he was just a victim of people who wouldn't work with him. You will see Martin personal attorney Toad V. McMurtry accuse everyone else of committing crimes. This despite the fact that Martin was CONVICTED ON SEVEN OF NINE COUNTS OF OFFICIAL MISCONDUCT AND NEGLECT OF DUTY!

But wait. There's even more! Corrupt Government Corruptions has obtained a secretly recorded video of Mike Martin's very famous-and very hilarious- frequently-delivered civic club riff, ""F" you-"F" me-"F" them-"F" us-"F" that-"F" this-"F" him-"F" her-"F" everybody-"F" anybody-"F" the voters-once they re-elect me-I'll "F"'n do whatever the "F" I "F"'n want. "F" 'em. "F" 'em all!". This is a "must-have" for anyone who truly wants to know what a jerk-off Martin truly is!

And, if you order The Very Best of The Mike Martin Show within the next ten minutes, you will also receive a rare, special bonus. You will receive a Mike Martin bobble head absolutely free of charge! This priceless memento of the worst mayor in the history of Villa Hills comes complete with a signed, numbered certificate of authenticity. You'll want you keep this rare memento as a reminder of the most terrible four years in the history of your city!

You'll own hours of Martin's nearly endless foul-ups, bleeps, rip-offs and blunders, all caught absolutely LIVE on this great DVD set. Do not miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime chance to own the complete set!

Just pay shipping and handling (of $1,000 to fund Mike Martin's Legal Defense Fund) and the DVDs, the authenticated documents and the rare, special bonus Martin bobble head will be yours! These amazing DVDs are not available in stores! And, they make wonderful Christmas gifts!

But, you must act now!

Friday, December 12, 2014

WEEKENDER: The Nominations Have Been Announced

The Martin Chronicles was pleased to receive an advance copy of the letter announcing the 2014 nominees for The Villa Hills Silver Turkey Awards about a week ago. It is a simultaneously impressive and repulsive list of the very worst. 

The competition for the awards will be fierce. Be sure to tune in to The Villa Hills Silver Turkey Awards Show on December 31, 2014 beginning at 7PM on TWC Channel 27 and Cincinnati Bell Channel 666. It will surely be "Must See TV".

So, here are the nominees in each category:

Worst Defeat of an Incumbent Politician Award
1. Steve Arlinghaus
2. Don Catchen
3. Mike Martin
4. Brian Wischer
5. Holly B. Menninger-Isenhour

Our Prediction:
Okay, the bilious Arlinghaus was even whipped in his own hometown. Catchen lost to an unknown write-in candidate who filed in late October. So, people finally figure out that both Arlinghaus and Catchen were costly jerks. Wischer and Menninger-Isenhour were rudely swept away by the tide of history. They both made the fatal electoral mistake of becoming rubber stamps for malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin. But Martin only received 16% of the 2014 Villa Hills vote for mayor. Good Lord! That is truly unprecedented.

Worst Supporting Bad Actor Award
1. Toad V. McMurtry
2. Craigory T. Bohman
3. Summer Berger
4. Dave Hilgefraud

Our Prediction:
Yes, Bohman was an active participant in Former Villa Hills Police Chief Dan Goodenough's railroading. Summer Berger stiffed two separate audiences when generously given a chance to explain why she should serve on the 2015/16 City Council and she lost resoundingly. Dave Hilgefraud made an ass of himself by booing Martin's opponents at the mayoral forum and got his fat butt kicked. But McMurtry is the one who billed more than $250,000 to the taxpayers carrying out Martin's very dirty work.

Worst Director Award
1. Toad V. McMurtry
2. Mike Martin
3. Larry McGovern

Our Prediction:
We think Martin and McGovern will get a "pass" because they are mostly idiots. Yes, Martin is also corrupt. Hey, he can't win every award! But McMurtry should have known better. McMurtry should have done the professional thing and resigned when Martin ordered him to do so very many disgraceful things. But McMurtry didn't resign. Instead, he just kept billing Villa Hills' taxpayers huge sums of money.

Worst Drama Series Award
1. 2014 Villa Hills City Council meetings
2. Former Villa Hills Police Chief Dan Goodenough March, 2014 Disciplinary Hearing
3. 2014 Villa Hills Finance Committee meetings
4. 2014 Villa Hills Public Works Committee meetings

Our Prediction:
All of the above are worthy candidates. They all wastefully sucked huge sums of taxpayer money. But the shameful railroading of popular Dan Goodenough that Martin corruptly orchestrated as his final revenge for the outgoing diminutive dictator's 2007 forgery arrest has to be the favorite.

Worst Ensemble Cast Award
1. The Civic Club Asshats
2. The Martin Five
3. The Social Networkers

Our Prediction:
The Civic Club Asshats are really just a bunch of hillbilly morons. The social networkers are simply Martin Kool-Aid drinkers. But, The Martin Five soberly and unsuccessfully attempted to dupe the voters of Villa Hills in to falsely believing that the malfeasant Martin was actually "moving the City forward". Oh, brother.

Worst Fictional Script Award
1. All 2014 Villa Hills City Financial reports
2. Outgoing malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's taxpayer-funded political propaganda piece enclosed in the City tax bill
3. Outgoing City Attorney Toad V. McMurtry's letters to The Kentucky Retirement Board attempting to explain that his claims in his letters to The State Auditor's Office about pension spiking were "no longer operative".

Our Prediction:
This is a very tough call. All three "fictional scripts" were-and still will be-very costly to Villa Hills taxpayers. Martin is responsible for all three lies. Thank God Martin is heading out the door.

Most Memorable Moment Award
1. Outgoing councilmember and failed mayoral candidate Holly B. Menninger-Isenhour's announcement that she planned to increase the city-wide yard sale to include garages.
2. Outgoing City Attorney Toad V. McMurtry's many assurances that his taxpayer-funded gig was safe because Mayor-elect Callery is close friends with Toad's father.
3. Outgoing City Attorney Toad V. McMurtry's desperate, taxpayer-funded attempt to get anyone to reveal the people behind The Martin Chronicles.
4. Outgoing malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's public pronouncement that "Chief Dan Goodenough is just taking a few days off".
5. Outgoing malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin admitting under oath during cross-examination at Goodeough's sham disciplinary hearing that "he failed in his duties as mayor".

Our Prediction:
Again, a very tough call. All five represent either abject stupidity or complete dishonesty. That's why we'll have to watch the show to see who does emerge as the winner in this category.

Lifetime Failure Award
1. General Zod
2. Mary Koenig
3. Outgoing malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin

Our Prediction:
Sure, General Zod has been on the wrong side of virtually everything. And Martin has been embarrassingly defeated in both a city council and a mayoral race. But Mary Koenig has been at the epicenter of more local scandals and has caused more local, costly turmoil than anyone else in the 52-year history of little Villa Hills. This should be one for Koenig's "good old boys network" that was first established in the last century and is still going strong.

The Martin Chronicles beloved publisher is throwing an extravagant party the night of the awards. For the pre-party, we'll have hors d'oeuvres including shrimp cocktail, Iranian caviar, smoked mackerel and salmon, deviled eggs, liver pate and oysters on the half-shell.

When dinner starts, well start with a delicious salad. Then a full course meal featuring bacon-wrapped filet mignon, chairbroiled T-bone steaks, perfectly-cooked rib-eye steaks, buttered-lobster, crab-stuffed flounder, sea bass, steamed brussels sprouts, corn, green beans, baby corn, peas, carrots, broccoli and asparagus and over-loaded baked potatoes.

Then, an amazing dessert bar. Plus, there will be a fully-stocked open bar. We will have fun-and gain a great deal of weight-watching the show.

Will you?

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Thursday's Turning Tide

The Martin Chronicles sees many reasons for optimism in soon-to-be-thankfully-outta-here malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's Villa Hills. First and foremost, Martin will be out the door. Good riddance. That in and of itself is a huge reason for optimism. Martin's tearful farewell at last night's council meeting was the only highlight of the diminutive dictator's dreadful four years in office.

We also think Mayor-elect Callery is going to do something that most politicians fail to do. Namely, keep the promises he made during his 2014 mayoral campaign. Won't that be nice?

We fully expect that:
  • Mayor-elect Callery will quickly and responsibly move to bolster the local police department, converting one of the three part-time officers to a full-time position. That is a great first step. This is also quite a change from the bloviating Martin, who made empty boasts about his efforts with the police. Want an example? Sure you do. The "police substation at River Ridge" Martin beat his chest about in the recent taxpayer-funded political propaganda piece sent out in the property tax statements turns out to be nothing more than an empty desk. Good Lord.
  • Mayor-elect Callery will quickly propose fiscally responsible ways to deal with the necessary repair of Villa Hills aging streets. The simple fact that Councilmember Mary Koenig has been removed from the chairmanship of the city's public works committee is an absolutely great first step. It's about damn time someone who has a clue heads that committee.
  • Mayor-elect Callery will build a city finance committee populated with people who actually know what they're doing. After the last four years of Martin's financial obfuscation and sleight-of-hand, that will be a refreshing change. The city faces serious financial challenges. This is a time for steady hands, not teen idol worshippers.
  • Mayor-elect Callery will hire a City Attorney who comes with no strings attached. The final two years of Martin's Reign of Error saw a City Attorney who was the tiny tyrant's personal attorney. Can you say, "conflict of interest"? Toad V. McMurtry billed the taxpayers somewhere in the ugly neighborhood of $250,000 in less than two years. If it were not for the fact that the city desperately needs to move on from the mess Martin made, there should be a full scale investigation of that appalling taxpayer rip-off.
  • Mayor-elect Callery will take steps to resolve the dangerous, Martin-generated lawsuits currently threatening the taxpayer-funded City treasury. It's time to admit that these lawsuits were a direct result of the miserable Martin's vicious vendetta against everyone he unfairly blamed for his 2007 forgery arrest-that happened because Martin was signing his deceased mother's name to his deceased mother's child support checks and pocketing the proceeds.
  • It's well past time to come to a resolution to these Martin-generated lawsuits that is fair to both the plaintiffs and the taxpayers. Enough already. The miserable Martin will soon be gone. Talk about "moving forward".
And there are more reasons for optimism in Villa Hills. The Martin Chronicles can clearly see that the majority of the incoming 2015/2016 council is determined to get back to the taxpayer's-and not Martin's-business. Sure, "head of the good old boys network since 1989" Mary Koenig is bound to cause problems. And, unless Jennifer Yost-Vaden can be rehabilitated, she will cause problems too. But thankfully, they are currently in the minority. It's up to rational voters to keep them there.

The Martin Chronicles fully expects the majority of the new council to work with Mayor-elect Callery to get some good things accomplished. They had better. Because anyone who doesn't will have their feet held to the fire.

Martin and his cronies won't be smiling as the final minutes of December 31, 2014 tick away-but we sure will! FAILURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Wednesday, December 10, 2014


The Martin Chronicles reporters returned to our palatial offices very early tonight. They were at The Dennis M. Stein Municipal Building for-hopefully-gone-for-good-in-three-weeks-Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's final council meeting. The meeting lasted barely forty-five minutes. Martin's four-year calamity is ending not with a bang, but with a whimper.

One of our intrepid reporters offered some interesting observations:

"You know, I thought I might actually feel sorry for Martin tonight. After all, it's obvious that he's still in shock over being whipped so badly on November 4. 84%-16%! How does anyone possibly process an amazing humiliation like that? Even a moron like Martin has to know that when you only get 514 of the 3,224 votes cast, you're a major LOSER.

The little guy is now just a pathetic, hollow shell of his old self. I think back to his chest-beating 'I'm the CEO. Everything is my decision. Get over it. We're moving on' days. Man, Martin was a pitiful whipped pup just going through the motions tonight. Everyone could tell he just wanted to get it over with and get the hell out.

But you know what? I didn't feel the least bit sorry for Martin. He earned that humiliation and a whole lot more. Despite what a few idiots have said over the past four years, Martin did so many terrible things to so many people. He deserved to have his ass whipped. And Martin has yet to run the very costly legal gauntlet that's waiting for him.

Just look what Martin did to everyone he falsely blamed for his justified 2007 forgery arrest. None of them deserved to be treated the way Martin treated them. Lies, lies, lies, lies and more lies. Hell, Martin and his cronies took very great pleasure actually trying their nasty best to ruin peoples' lives. What a sack of $#!+ they all are. Those are the things that bastard Martin and his bastard cronies did that can never really be repaired. To hell with him and the rest of them."

It seems that Martin's Toad has already jumped off the-taxpayer-funded-lily-pad:

It is hilariously obvious that Martin's personal-and-soon-to-be-former-taxpayer-funded-City-Attorney Toad V. McMurtry can even read the dinosaur media. Why? Because Toad "no-showed" tonight's meeting, sending a-hopefully-less-expensive-to-the-taxpayers-replacement to fill in for him. He knows Mayor-elect Callery wants him gone. And gone now.

Toad has been a very expensive disgrace. Toad has willingly carried out Martin's every order. Toad had no problem attempting to destroy the well-deserved reputations of every undeserving person who stood in the soon-to-be-exiting diminutive dictator's path. Bad, bad, bad, bad, very bad.

Now, Toad's taxpayer-funded teat has been pulled away from him. It's about damned time. What a terrible person.

But, do you want to know the best part of this? Toad will have to go to his grave never knowing who did him in. Toad will never know all of the people who work for The Martin Chronicles. Too bad. Too sad, Toad.

The teeny-Boppers just can't let go:

The worst elements of "The Martin Youth" came to tonight's meeting to offer their condolences to their soon-to-be-deposed dictator. Oh, the feckless fanaticism of youth! But don't worry. The brazen "Boys From Brazil" are already planning to join the maniacal Martin in his crazy quest to return to power. And, they plan to join him beginning in 2016.

That took some serious guts:

It is a fact that outgoing Councilman Jim Cahill has privately told several people that Martin's abject mismanagement over the past four dreadful years has left the City "hemorrhaging money". Even still, Cahill was the poor bastard picked to present the diminutive dictator with a plaque tonight. So, Martin was thanked for his last four years of service to the City? Thank you, sir! Can I have another? What a cruel joke on Villa Hills' over-taxedpayers.

Better late than never:

Even Martin's mayoral predecessor Mike Sadouskas came to tonight's meeting. Sure, it was just after the meeting was adjourned. But he was there.

Sadouskas shook hands, hugged attendees and wished some of the incoming council members "good luck". He was overheard telling a questioner that he hadn't been in the council chambers on "meeting night" in four years. Will Martin be able to say that? Not likely.

When asked if he "missed this", Sadouskas replied, "Nope". Even still, we suspect that Sadouskas wasn't the least bit unhappy that his successor proved time and again that he was a-way-in-over-his-head-FAILURE.

[PUBLISHER'S NOTE: Yes, this is a time to celebrate. Martin got his ass kicked. But, we aren't going to let our guard down for a even a second. Martin has no intention to do the right thing and just go away. Next up? Our retrospective on the last four dreadful years of the Martin Reign of Error. Lest we forget.]

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Tuesday Tattles

The Martin Chronicles is looking forward to tomorrow evening. Why? Because now-outgoing Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin will be presiding over his final City Council meeting. After four dreadful years of constant embarrassment, abject mismanagement, wasteful spending of incredible sums of taxpayer money for personal vendettas and rampant corruption, the curtain is finally falling on "The Miserable Mike Martin Show". At least for now.

But, The Martin Chronicles believes the Mike Martin story is far from over. How do we know that? Because the little fella himself has told us so. He's already planning his next comeback, declaring himself a "lock" to be elected to City Council in 2016 as a pathway back to the Mayor's Office in 2018.

Many people now say that is absolutely crazy. But you must remember that the little fella managed to get himself elected mayor in 2010 despite the fact that he was suing the slim margin of residents who elected him-and everyone else in town-for $1.505 MILLION at the same time that he was asking these same people for their 2010 votes. The Martin Chronicles is well aware that anything can happen.

Oh, there is more news Our Court House sources tell us that Martin is about to receive quite the Christmas "present". No, it won't be the "goodbye and thanks for everything" plaque he hopes to take home with him tomorrow night. The present Martin is about to receive is yet another massive lawsuit for his unleashed lawlessness.

Martin may actually be in very deep trouble. You see, the City's insurance company has already informed the little fella that they will not underwrite the financial damage caused by his intentional acts. This is going to be a great story to cover.

Many people have publicly commented about how Martin's social networking supporters have gone dark. Where have all the whiners gone? We haven't heard a thing from the people who saw images of Martin as a hero from the bottom of a shot glass, teen idol worshippers or their strangely overprotective mommas. Thank the Great Spirit. Well, very people want to admit that they were played for the fool.

Speaking of fools, one strange man has announced that he is going to embark on a truly daunting quest. The "impossible dream" this oddball is pursuing is "to find someone-other than himself-who doesn't hate Mike Martin's guts". We suspect this jackass is going to find the pickings are pretty dang slim.

We respectfully suggest the following theme song for this delusional loon. It's about the story of another guy who was a pathetic passenger on the "Disorient Express". Let's all sing a long.

To dream the impossible dream
To fight the unbeatable foe
To bear with unbearable sorrow
To run where the brave dare not go
To right the unrightable wrong
To love pure and chaste from afar
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star
This is my quest. To follow that star.
No matter how hopeless. No matter how far.
To fight for the right, without question or pause.
To be willing to march in to hell for a heavenly cause.
And I know, if I'll only be true to this glorious quest
That my heart will lie peaceful and calm when I'm laid to my rest.
And the world will be better for this. That one man scorned and covered with scars.
Still strove with his last ounce of courage
To fight the unbeatable foe. To reach the unreachable star.

Move over Don Quixote, the Man of La Mancha. Larry, the Man of Villa Hills, is here.