Wednesday, October 1, 2014

BREAKING NEWS: Taxpayer-Funded Political Propaganda

The Martin Chronicles is tracking down a fast-breaking story about more almost unbelievable antics from Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin. What has the tiny tyrant done now? Martin has included a taxpayer-funded political propaganda piece in this year's property tax bill mailing.

This brazen misuse of taxpayer money underscores Martin's abject corruption. Didn't he learn anything from the "confidential" reprimand he received from the Villa Hills Ethics Board for misuse of city employees and resources improperly promoting his 2011 road tax initiative? We guess not.

A reasonable person would conclude that this latest episode is far worse. Why? Because Martin is misusing taxpayer dollars for his own personal gain. Specifically, his re-election.

We have confirmed that Martin misused  taxpayer-funded city employees-while they were "on the clock"- stuffing his taxpayer-funded political propaganda pieces printed on the taxpayer-funded copier in to taxpayer-funded envelopes and mailed them using taxpayer-funded postage.  

The gist of Martin's taxpayer-funded political propaganda piece is that he wants the residents of Villa Hills to give him a mulligan for his first dreadful term in office. He wants you to believe that all of the "drama of the past" is now behind us and ignore the fact that he has been the sole source of all of that drama.

Martin wants you to believe that he has actually put money back in to the city's cash reserve and ignore the fact that he has amended the city budget to spend more money every single year he has been in the mayor's office.

Martin wants you to celebrate the-only-a-rumor-repeal of the UNFAIR $40 PER CAR STICKER TAX and ignore the fact that he walked away from his solemn promise to do that very thing four long years ago. Oh, and he has also increased your SNEAKY INSURANCE PREMIUM TAX BY FIFTY PER CENT.

Martin wants you to believe that he has strengthened the Villa Hills Police Department and ignore the fact that he very recently tried to disband it.

Yep, Martin is indeed a teen idol. The opinionated haters seem to worship him as well. Social network rants prove that. But reasonable people know that when someone walks like a skunk and stinks like a skunk, they are a skunk. Martin is a skunk. This latest misuse of taxpayer money only serves as yet another reminder (as if we needed more) of that fact.

Sure, Martin will claim that he sent out his taxpayer-funded campaign ad as a way to keep the residents informed. But that begs some questions. Why is this the first time the diminutive dictator has done it? No "newsletter" has been sent in any previous tax bill mailing. So, why now? Is it just a coincidence that this is an election year? Is it just another coincidence that he stands for re-election in less than five weeks?

Some low information voters might be swayed by Martin's taxpayer-funded chicanery. Martin may fool just enough of those low information voters to cobble together just enough support to earn re-election with say, 28% of the vote. At least that's what the diminutive deceiver is counting on.

We have heard that someone intends to file an ethics complaint against Martin for this most recent example of Official Misconduct in the next few days. But nothing will happen until after the election. Besides, Martin will simply say he didn't know it was wrong then, but he knows now. Despite the fact that he has already gotten in trouble for similar misconduct before.

The voting begins in 33 days.

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Random Observations On The Villa Hills' 2014 Campaign

The Martin Chronicles entire staff met on Tuesday evening to discuss our strategy for covering the remaining 33 days of the tumultuous election campaign in current, malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's troubled Villa Hills. Our beloved publisher-who is definitely not a misogynist-served everyone a delicious feast of bacon-wrapped filet mignon, butter-dipped lobster, baked beans, cheese-covered asparagus, steamed brussels sprouts, Johnny Marzetti, loaded baked potatoes, overflowing salad with virtually any dressing the reporters and staff desired and a delicious dessert of cherry-covered cheesecake and pumpkin pie.

Why? Because our beloved publisher understands that his reporters are far more open after they have eaten a delicious meal.

Well, that was a good decision. Again, why? Because the conversation really began to roll.

Our reporters and staff debated several good questions. It was great to see such engagement amongst people that are working so very hard to cover the less-than-five-weeks of an election campaign that just might decide the final fate of Villa Hills.

Here are the highlights. mostly focusing around the four-way mayoral race:
  • Does former Covington Mayor Irvin Callery-who, according to the civic club ass clowns moved to Villa Hills to "straighten out" the embarrassed burg-understand how much people don't care a hoot in hell what he supposedly did in Covington all those years ago? Villa Hills incorporated as a city in 1962 because they did not want to become part of Covington, after all. Then there is that Former Covington Finance Director Bob Due's embezzlement of several hundred thousand dollars of taxpayer money under Irvin Callery's watch to contend with.
  • Does homegrown, former president of the Villa Hills Civic Club Ernie Brown -who risked his personal reputation recovering well more than $150,000  that other officers of that crazy club stole-realize that he doesn't need to in-any-way shy away from questions about the former leadership of the Villa Hills Police Department? Hell, reasonable people fully realize that current malevolent Mayor Mike Martin publicly-and expensively-screwed the former leadership of the local PD. Mr. Brown, take it head on. There is no more popular living person in Villa Hills than the screwed-by-Martin former Police Chief Dan Goodenough. All because Martin was pissed off about his judicially-justified FORGERY ARREST.
  • Does the mallet-headed malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin realize that reasonable people no longer believe anything he says? According to members of his own Finance Committee, the city's spending records are almost an irretrievable mess that will require great taxpayer-funded expense to fix. Plus, people in Prospect Point are now profoundly upset that the diminutive dictator described their community as "substandard" and the fact that his dishonest son-in-law Joe misrepresented himself as living in The Lofts-despite the fact that he doesn't even live in Villa Hills just so he could dishonestly do a "scouting report" for his law-breaking father-in-law.
  • Does also-ran mayoral candidate Holly B. Menninger-Isenhour realize that virtually everyone left the Prospect Point event before she spoke? Why? Because they know that vile ancient crocodile Mary Koenig persuaded Holly to commit political suicide just to get the moribund Martin reelected. What a joke. Holly, they even turned off your microphone because you were left talking to about seven people. By the way, a "garage sale" is the same damn thing as a "yard sale".
The election countdown clock in the foyer of The Martin Chronicles is winding down. Sure, we know we are pissing off the Martin Ghoul-Aid drinkers and the opinionated haters.

But, you know, we don't give a tinkers dam.

They Just Can't Tell The Truth

The Martin Chronicles has learned that Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's son-in-law Joe attended last night's candidate event at Prospect Point. Sure, we know the whiners and haters will say, "So what".

Well, here is the "so what". Last night's event was only for the residents of Prospect Point.

Oh, it gets worse. Martin's son-in-law was asked where he lives. What did Joe say? He said he lives in The Lofts (the apartments back in the Prospect Point community). Not surprisingly, that is a bold-faced lie.

Joe doesn't live in The Lofts. Joe doesn't live in the Prospect Point community. Hell, Joe doesn't even live in Villa Hills. He was just there developing a "scouting report" for his lawbreaker father-in-law.

If you want four more years of dishonesty, you know who to vote for. If you think Villa Hills needs homegrown, solid leadership, you know what to do.

The election is now less than 5 weeks away.

Write-Ins Coming?

The Martin Chronicles is hearing (odd?) rumors about potential new write-in candidates in malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's troubled Villa Hills. As the story goes, two mayors from other cities have been encouraged by former Covington Mayor Irvin Callery's run.

These (interesting?) sources tell us that Springfield's Diamond Joe Quimby and Lucy Lou of Rabbit Hash fame have both established residence in Villa Hills as a prelude to a run for the mismanaging Martin's seat.

Why not? Diamond Joe is certainly far less corrupt than the mendacious Martin. And Lucy Lou? She is clearly far smarter than the mallet-headed Martin.

For those of our readers who like us, you understand that we occasionally require a break from the grim reality of Martin's last four, dreadful years in office. Yes, we understand that these rumors are most likely false. But, you can never be sure.

For those of our readers who don't like us and will most likely wet their pants, throw a hissy fit and call us vile and disgusting on some social network, you desperately need to get a life.

We are working on several new-far more serious reports.

We Got Questions

The Martin Chronicles has obviously been covering the local election campaign in malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's Villa Hills very closely. Despite our large staff of reporters and even larger network of sources, a few things don't seem to make sense.
  1. Why did the misdirecting Martin seem so skittish at last night's candidate event graciously hosted by the folks at Prospect Point?
  2. Why does Irvin Callery harp about the need for better transparency with the city's financial records? While his sentiment is 100% correct, doesn't the former mayor of Covington open himself up to push back about former Covington Finance Director Bob Due's embezzlement?
  3. Why is the mismanaging Martin mishandling his way in to yet another taxpayer-funded lawsuit over the shoddy-at-best condition of the new sidewalks on Collins Road with less than five weeks until the voting begins?
  4. What do coyotes have to do with The Martin Chronicles?
Never discouraged, we will continue to work to solve these mysteries and much more as the clock winds down until November 4.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Do YOU Really Want Four More Years Of THIS?

The Martin Chronicles is watching the days fly by towards the November 4 election in malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's troubled Villa Hills. The campaign is really heating up. All of the candidates are now out making their case to the voters. In the mendacious Martin's case, he is telling his usual pack of despicable lies.

Many people-but not all-now see through Martin's abject deceit. Sources tell us that a significant number of residents have told Martin, "Thanks. But no thanks."

Where do you stand? Have you come to the correct conclusion that it really does matter who sits in your city's mayor's office? Because the last four years of conflict and embarrassment have decisively proven that it most certainly does.

Before you vote on November 4, you need to clearly understand these things:
  • Martin was lying to you in 2010 when he told you that his Constitutional rights were violated by the Villa Hills Police and that he was a victim of dark forces trying to derail his self-proclaimed "good government" zealotry. How do we know this? Because four respected appellate judges have decisively ruled that the behavior that led to Martin's late 2007 arrest "FIT THE VERY DEFINITION OF FORGERY".
  • Martin was lying to you in 2010 when he proclaimed that he was "happy to tell you that he isn't suing the taxpayers of Villa Hills". How do we know this? Because no less an august deliberative judicial body than the United States Supreme Court has twice opined that MARTIN WAS SUING THE TAXPAYERS OF VILLA HILLS FOR 1.505 MILLION DOLLARS.
  • Martin was lying to you in 2010 when he promised to repeal the UNFAIR $40 PER CAR STICKER TAX and find all of the funds for street repair in the existing city budget. Not only are you still paying the UNFAIR $40 PER CAR STICKER TAX-thanks to Martin-you are now paying HIGHER PROPERTY TAXES and nearly FIFTY PER CENT MORE FOR YOUR SNEAKY INSURANCE PREMIUM TAX. Progressive's Flo and the GEICO Gecko didn't necessarily raise your auto premium. Martin may have done that to you.
  • Martin was lying to you when he promised to "restore honesty and integrity to the mayor's office (that our investigation proved was already there before he took office).
  • Martin (and his hateful hillbilly lynchmob) were LYING when they said all the miniature mullah needed was a new city council in 2012. The last two years have been even worse-AND MORE COSTLY TO THE TAXPAYERS-than the first two years. And, brothers and sisters, that is really saying something.
Do you want to know why?:
  • Martin MISUSED TAXPAYER DOLLARS to hire his UNQUALIFIED CRONY CORDELIA SCHABER, PAYING HER $47.50 OF TAXPAYER MONEY. Why? To foul-up the city's financial records so no one would immediately discern MARTIN'S TERRIBLE WASTE OF TAXPAYER MONEY FOR HIS PERSONAL GAIN.
  • Martin was caught red-handed misusing city personnel and resources by the Villa Hills Ethics Board, who slapped him with a "confidential" reprimand for those CORRUPT activities.
  • Martin lied to the City Council and to you multiple times when he said that the list of all the city records he ILLEGALLY DESTROYED was "complete".
  • Martin was given a DIRECT WARNING from a respected judge from her bench to STOP HIS ILLEGAL DESTRUCTION OF CITY RECORDS.
  • Martin used your money to hire his personal attorney to serve as the TAXPAYER-FUNDED City Attorney.
  • Martin was caught lying to you when the slip of his own tangled tongue inadvertently REVEALED HIS LONG-TIME PLAN TO DISBAND THE VILLA HILLS POLICE DEPARTMENT.
  • Martin was lying to you when he told you-through numerous televised media reports-that former Police Chief Dan Goodenough was "just taking a few days off". We now know that when Martin was telling these TERRIBLE LIES to the media only after he and his personal attorney-who he hired to serve as the TAXPAYER-FUNDED CITY ATTORNEY-had already met with Goodenough. Martin and his TAXPAYER-FUNDED PERSONAL ATTORNEY had already warned Goodenough that the former Police Chief had to resign or face a trumped-up public embarrassment. You know what happened after that.
Despite the profoundly stupid woman (yes, we know that this spot-on description of the truly profoundly stupid woman will get the opinionated haters fired-up) who once took to a podium to proclaim that "this mayor (Martin) does great things for people", we now know that Martin is a sociopathic liar. Martin is a mean-spirited little bastard who only wanted control of the TAXPAYER-FUNDED TREASURY to finish his nasty vendetta against everyone he INCORRECTLY blamed for HIS ABSOLUTELY CORRECT 2007 FORGERY ARREST.

Let's face it. We now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the diminutive dictator should be sitting in a jail cell instead of the mayor's office. (Despite what the profoundly stupid woman proclaimed) when Martin was caught in his LIE about desiring to DISBAND THE LOCAL POLICE DEPARTMENT.

Do you want four more years of Martin's LAWBREAKING? Do you want four more years of Martin's EMBARRASSMENT? Do you want four more years of the diminutive dictator's ABJECT DECEIT? Do you really think this lying little bastard is worthy of another four years in office?

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

SUNDAY SUPPLEMENT: Vote For Me, But I Won't Tell You Why

The Martin Chronicles can't help but be amused by jack-wagon, local candidates like Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin, Mayor-wannabe Holly B. Menninger-Isenhour and illiterate ("partician"?) lunatic Dave Hilgeford. These clowns do want Villa Hills residents to vote for them. But, they don't want to stand before those same residents to answer any questions about what they hope to accomplish with the residents' tax money.

A reasonable person can certainly conclude that these gutless cowards-as well as the rest of Mary Koenig's ticket-know they have something to hide. It's obvious what Martin has to hide. That little liar is an incompetent crook. The last four years have betrayed that as a fact.
We suspect the pernicious pinhead has simply decided to keep his mouth shut and hope the voters are as clueless now as they were in 2010. We'll see soon enough.

We can also guess that Holly B. Menninger-Isenhour is just coherent enough to realize she would not perform well on her feet fielding questions from residents. Civic Club ass clowns have been inadvertently telling our snitches they have all learned that Menninger-Isenhour performs at least a tiny bit better on her back.

But what about the illiterate lunatic Dave Hilgeford? What does that fat bastard have to hide? And what the hell is a "patrician"?

Oh, we suspect that Martin sycophants Summer Berger and the mysterious Jennifer Vaden will also excuse themselves from the Sensible Citizen Town Hall candidate meeting. Why? Because these two vapid vessels of Martin's hatred do not appear to have minds of their own.

Rest assured that there is indisputable evidence that some people still support the crooked Martin and his good-old-boy goon squad. How do we know that? Because there are a smattering of folks who are displaying Martin's campaign signs in their yard.

Why are these folks being fooled yet again? Well, some are Martin Ghoul-Aid drinkers. Some are just incredibly stupid haters. A few are so insecure that they are unwilling to admit that they made a dreadful mistake in 2010. And so it goes.

That's okay. America is one of the few countries on planet Earth that forgivingly accepts abject stupidity and misplaced hatred-at least until Sharia Law is imposed.

Villa Hills' "make or break" local election is now only 36 days away.