Friday, August 29, 2014


The Martin Chronicles is really starting to feel it now. It's in the air. Sure, it's been awfully hot and humid of late. But the Labor Day weekend reminds us that the cooler winds and falling leaves of autumn are right around the corner. And so is the all-out war that's about to be waged by multiple camps for control of Villa Hills'-currently-hopelessly-bogged-down-in-incompetence-and-corruption-City Government.

For those of you who are sick and tired of incumbent, malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's endless, wasteful and inexplicably stupid antics, we have a very strong warning. Do not-repeat-do not think that's Martin's certainly-deseved ouster is a foregone conclusion.

Why? Because the nasty nitwit Martin has already proven how he is able to feast on what radio colossus Rush Limbaugh refers to as "low-information voters":
  • Martin was elected to the mayor's office by telling all manner of slanderous-and-never-even-attempted-to-be-proven-lies in 2010.
  • Martin successfuly swept away the previous City Council by telling everyone the-now-we-know-masssive-lie that all he needed was "a City Council that would work with him" in 2012.
  • Besides, we know that several civic club asshats have accidentally revealed that they plan to launch a false-and defamatory-campaign against their equally-corrupt buddy Martin's 2014 mayoral opponents. The grisly gargoyle General Zod has already begun that calumnious campaign.
  • Then there is the addle-minded Councilwoman and mayoral candidate Holly B. Menninger-Isenhour who has been trolling the "low-information" voters slanderously alleging that the best mayoral candidate is a "drug addict who has assembled a team of people hell-bent on destroying Villa Hills". As absolutely crazy as that baseles claim sounds to reasonable people, some "low-information" voters may be persuaded.
  • Several sources have also confirmed that vile, ancient Councilwoman Mary Koenig has already launched her battle-tested-and dishonest-"whispering campaign".
  • But the evil "star of the show" remains the mendacious Martin. He has already taken his poor granddaughter to traverse the St. Joe's "End Of Summer" Church Festival spreading all manner of licentious lies about his mayoral opponents. That is only the very beginning.
Let's face it. The mismanaging Martin has no positive accomplishments around which he can build an issues-based re-election campaign. Martin is dumber than a cracked cinder block, but even he knows that the events of the past four, dreadful years do not-in-and-of-themselves-provide him a winning hand to play.

Martin used trite, inocuous campaign slogans in 2010. Don't you remember? "Mike Martin: A Fresh Start", "Mike Martin: Safety is my first priority", and the biggest, unnecessary whopper of all, "Mike Martin: Restoring Truth And Integrity To The Mayor's Office". In retrospect, that slogan came from someone who is totally detached from reality.

Just imagine these grim-reality based 2014 Martin campaign slogans:
  • "Mike Martin: Ask not what your City Government can do for you, ask how much more of my personal legal fees you can pay to Turner, Sturgill, Baker & Moloney, PLLC." 
  • "Mike Martin: Destroying your local police department continues to be my first priority."
  • "Mike Martin: I was only convicted on seven of 9 counts of Official Misconduct and Neglect of Duty."
  • "Mike Martin: A Fresh Start for another four terrible years of unnecessary spending on lawyers and legal actions."
  • "Mike Martin: I just need one more complete set of six councilmembers to show you what I can really do."
  • "Mike Martin: I deserved more than the $23,000 check I signed the PO for and all of my personal legal fees for all of the legal actions my reckless behavior I have triggered paid because I'm just so, so busy with my unlicensed handyman business."
  • "Mike Martin: a Craigory in every garage and two Toads in every pot."
  • "Mike Martin: I like tax hikes."
  • "Mike Martin: Crony-hire, taxpayer-funded, incompetent, $47.50 per hour bucket-headed bookkeeper Cordelia is the one."
  • "Mike Martin: it's my personal enrichment, stupid."
  • "Mike Martin: Building a taxpayer-funded bridge to my relief from all of the personal legal exposure I've created."
  • "Mike Martin: Yes, we can continue to ram new taxes down your unsuspecting throats."

We have a suggestion for the anti-Martin campaign slogan. We are borrowing it from one of the slogans Lyndon Johnson used against Barry Goldwater in the 1964 Presidential Campaign.

"In your guts, you know Martin is nuts."

Thursday, August 28, 2014

The REAL Fireworks

The Martin Chronicles entire staff is looking forward to the upcoming Labor Day Weekend. Our beloved publisher is taking all of us out on the river Sunday on his yacht. Why? For a little "R & R" while we enjoy the annual fireworks show.

But there is method to our beloved publisher's madness. You see, the real "fireworks" begin next week in malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's Villa Hills. Why? Because that's when the campaign for control of the currently-chaotic and corrupt City Government will begin in earnest. Our beloved publisher wants to be sure everyone is fully ready for action.

We will have our initial analysis of the coming mayhem in our SPECIAL LABOR DAY WEEKENDER EDITION.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Ass Clown Ambush Abandoned

The Martin Chronicles is once again first to break an important local story. This time we are reporting that-in a very contentious meeting-the ass hats from the Villa Hills Civic Club have decided not to hold their usual election year redneck roundup that they always laughingly billed a "Candidate's Forum". This cannot be very good news to malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin and his band of dishonest cronies.

Why is the cancellation bad news for the diminutive dictator and his feckless followers? Oh, that's fairly obvious.

The civic club ass clowns actively assisted Martin as  he narrowly won the mayor's office in 2010 by giving him a wide-open, unchallenged forum to tell all manner of slanderous lies. Then, in 2012, the asshats created a toxic atmosphere at the hillbilly hoedown that was actually dangerous for the incumbent councilpeople who dared to call out Martin for his incessant incompetence and corruption. Both events were a sickening-and-well-orchestrated-sham.

The usual social networking haters will call The Martin Chronicles "vile and disgusting" for calling that regular election year ridgerunner romp a "sham". But a sham is what it has become in the era of Martin. In reality, the civic club ass clowns and their inappropriately-named "Candidate's Forum" are what became "vile and disgusting".

No "asshat assembly" means:
  • No Mrs. Martin slithering her way through the crowd spreading lies, hate and discontent.
  • No Martin's hateful step-daughter falsely presenting herself as a Villa Hills' resident asking obvious, leading and pre-planned questions designed to embarrass anyone who is unwilling to kiss her mean-spirited and stupid step-father's undeserving ass.
  • No Edgewood-resident civic club asshat "Sergeant-at-arms" ludicrously condemning another Edgewood resident for daring to question the motives of the-now-everyone-knows-false candidacy of one incompetent and corrupt Mike Martin for mayor.
  • No-smelling-of-stale-beer-smelling-Dale Schaber asking inflammatory questions for the sole purpose of protecting his wife Cordelia's $47.50 per hour-rip-off-to-the-taxpayer-funded-job.
Not to worry. The misdirecting Martin will look for other ways to spread his licentious lies. The tiny tyrant is already using the taxpayer-funded City-joke-of-a-Website for propaganda that falsely portrays himself as a benevolent dictator who kindly gives of himself to help the pathetic residents. What a cruel hoax. Surely, more licentious lies are coming.

68 days to go.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Martin's Odious Financial Litter Box

The Martin Chronicles has a team of forensic accountants carefully examining the cooked books of Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's corrupt and incompetent city government. The most veteran of the forensic specials said, "We're finding more things buried in this awful mess that don't smell right than we would in a cat's litter box that hasn't been changed in a month!"

One of the very smelly things the accountants have uncovered is a more than $6,000 taxpayer-funded payment to the Lexington-based law firm of Sturgill, Turner, Baker & Moloney, PLLC. Some of our readers may be shrugging their shoulders and thinking that Martin wasting money on lawyers and legal actions doesn't exactly qualify as breaking news. The diminutive dictator has squandered more that a half of million taxpayer dollars in such a way already, after all.

But this particular $6,000 waste of money on lawyers and legal actions may have more far-reaching consequences. Why? Because Sturgill, Turner, Baker & Moloney, PLLC has been providing Martin's defense for his personal exposure in the many unnecessary lawsuits he has triggered by his reckless behavior.

Did you get that? Just in case you didn't, it bears repeating. It is a fact that the taxpayers of Villa Hills have just paid more that $6,000 to the law firm that is currently providing Martin's personal defense for his exposure in several lawsuits. The great-and-not-at-all-surprisingly-unanswered-question is "WHY"?

As we reported in October, 2013, the misdirecting Martin desperately tried to hoodwink his once-"golden moment" council to agree to a lawsuit settlement that would also involve using taxpayer money to free the tiny tyrant from his personal legal exposure. To their credit, Martin's once-"golden moment" council said, "NO!"

So, that brings us to yet another great-and-not-at-all-surprisingly-unanswered-question. That very similar question is "WHY ARE THE TAXPAYERS PAYING MORE THAN $6,000 TO THE LAW FIRM TASKED WITH MARTIN'S PERSONAL DEFENSE?" If Martin's once-"golden moment" council resoundingly said "NO" to bailing Martin out of his personal exposure, why are the taxpayer's funding it?

Oh, we're quite sure that the mendacious Martin will offer some total bu!!$#it excuse-if he ever needs to. But all it will be is total bu!!$#it. Just like most everything the pipsqueak potentate says.

The voters will finally have the opportunity to toss out the filth in Martin's odious litter box in 69 days.

Monday, August 25, 2014

It Is Bound To Get Far Uglier

The Martin Chronicles entire staff keeps track of the large countdown clock our beloved publisher has placed in our palatial offices. There are now 10 weeks to go until Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin must face the voters as he brazenly stands for re-election. That's 70 days. Or, 1,680 hours. 1,680 hours during which The Martin Chronicles team will be working virtually around the clock.

One thing we know we will be reporting about is the terrible mudslinging that has already begun from the malevolent Martin and his calumnious camp of cronies. Even though most political campaigns don't begin in earnest until after Labor Day, the malevolent Martin and his calumnious camp of cronies has already started slinging filth. And it's bound to get far uglier.

What have we already seen?:
  • The miscreant Martin used his poor granddaughter as a human shield at St. Joe's End of Summer Church Festival, wandering the festival grounds making slanderous claims to anyone who may or may not be listening about opponents Irvin Callery and Ernie Brown.
  • Trojan Horse mayoral candidate Holly B. Menninger-Isenhour has been traversing Franzen Field and any other location she believes may be "friendly", slanderously telling people that Ernie Brown is "a drug addict". Menninger-Isenhour's lies have been so egregious that two unlicensed contractor to whom she used some rather "unconventional"-and scandalous-"barter" for their unlicensed work have decided to come forward to let Villa Hills voters know exactly what she gave them in exchange for their unlicensed work.
  • The vile, ancient crocodile Mary Koenig has already begun her usual, disgusting "whispering campaign". Koenig is feeding the social-networking haters with a pile of defamatory bu!!$#it to post on several Facebook pages. Voters should be mindful that it is Koenig herself who is a hateful piece of $#it.
  • The civic club's cult leader General Zod has been braying that mayoral candidate Ernie Brown left the civic club books in such disarray that "an audit has to be done". How rich. You see, it was General Zod himself who did nothing when one of his buddies embezzled hundreds of thousands of dollars from the civic club. General Zod's buddy did prison time for his misdeeds. General Zod only had to deal with the IRS.
Despite the fact that at least one mindless idiot took to a podium to foolishly proclaim that "this mayor (Martin) does great things for people, the malevolent Martin and his calumnious cronies' lies, slander, deceit and defamation has only just begun. It's the only thing that the malevolent Martin and his calumnious cronies can do to keep the diminutive dictator's undeserving ass in the mayor's office.

Why? Because Martin is a dishonest imbecile who couldn't manage his way out of a paper bag. The past four years has been a terrible embarrassment for Vila Hills. The only good (those not dropping acid, spreading hateful lies or their legs and pot in exchange for home improvement projects) councilmembers of the current six have become so disgusted with Martin's deceitful behavior that they took a pass on standing for re-election.

Villa Hills' voters need to carefully weigh the impact of their votes for mayor and council this time around. Whether they like us writing this or not, these same voters made huge, mindless mistakes in 2010 and 2012. If the majority of voters still haven't come to the realization that local government has the most impact on their daily lives and that those who serve on their local government is of paramount importance, they are beyond all hope.

Even still, we aren't sure what the voters will do.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

SUNDAY SUPPLEMENT: General Zod's Zeitgeist

The Martin Chronicles staff has seen and read about it many times before. History has presented many examples of it as well. Mostly weak-willed people get inculcated in to a particular groupthink that makes them say and do sometimes terrible, bizarre and inexplicable things.

Want a few good examples?
  • The intelligent and industrious German people of the mid-twentieth century were oddly ready to be swept away in Hitler's wave of hatred that ultimately led to the dreadful destruction of their proud country.
  • Even the otherwise placid 1950's was not immune to cults. The most famous was probably the Fountain of the World cult. A man named Frances Pencovic changed his name to Krishna Venta, attracting followers to his new religion with his tale of leading a convoy of rocket ships to Earth from the extinct planet Neophrates. Everything seemed to be going extremely well until Venta was killed in a suicide bombing perpetrated by a couple of former Fountain of the World followers.
  • Alienated people who felt like outcasts in their contemporary culture came under the spell of the homicidal maniac Charles Manson in the late 1960's. Following Manson's teachings of "Helter Skelter", these disaffected people committed a string of brutal murders in the sick hope that they would spark a "race war" that would destroy everybody but them.
  • Disaffected-and otherwise very good-people who were simply longing for understanding were pulled in to the twisted orbit of the Reverend Jim Jones and The People's Temple in the 1970's. Many of those otherwise very good people ended up face down in the Jonestown mud of Guyana.
  • Very devout-and very desperate-people were lured by the apocalyptic teachings of David Koresh in the early 1990's. Approximately eighty people were ultimately consumed in the terrible conflagration that destroyed Koresh's Branch Davidian compound in Waco, Texas on April 19, 1993.
  • Susceptible-but otherwise rational-people were seduced by the unusual doctrines of Marshall Applewhite in the latter 1990's. Desperately hoping that the pedestrian Comet Hale-Bopp was actually a spaceship on a mission to take them all to a better place, Applewhite's followers castrated themselves, donned black uniforms emblazed with the words "Heaven Gate's Away Team", put on Nike gym shoes, threw some quarters in a bag and committed suicide.
  • Many Satanic cults have started in the 21st Century. People estranged from the turmoil of the modern world have been lured in to believing that the evil Lucifer can bring them great wealth and happiness. But then, there is that problem with human sacrifice.
Closer to home, we have the ass clowns from the Villa Hills Civic Club. Now, that is one crazy cult. Here is a group of loser misfits who spend most of their miserable evenings seated in a crappy bar swilling cheap beer and lapping up the demented preachings of a jackwagon we call General Zod.

General Zod is the dishonest doofus who was at the helm of the civic club for most of the time hundreds of thousands of dollars was being embezzled out of that organization's treasury. General Zod was wasting his misspent time bashing everyone else and creating straw man enemies while his treasurer-buddy was stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars. Insanity, yes. But it was pure, unadulterated General Zod.

General Zod and his facile followers helped the miscreant Mike Martin spread his "vile and disgusting" lies in 2010. That dishonest effort was a major reason that Martin eked out a razor-thin mayoral victory that year. It is amazing what a crazy cult can accomplish sometimes.

Well, the malevolent Martin is now standing for re-election in 2014. The miniature Mussolini is facing strong completion for the mayor's office. So, the calumnious civic club leader General Zod is at it again.

What is General Zod doing? He's trying to rally the civic club asshats to spread Martin's lies yet again. How? He's telling people that Martin's most formidable opponent, Ernie Brown, "made a mess of the civic club". General Zod is trying to blame the former club President Brown by saying that the club's books are in such disarray that "an audit is necessary". It is such a pack of dishonest deception that it even makes the mendacious Martin proud.

If General Zod was such a big believer in audits, he would have had one done when his buddy-the man who went to prison for embezzling hundreds of thousands of dollars from the civic club treasury-was stealing from the club. But General Zod inexplicably turned a blind eye then. A careful review of an IRS audit from just a few years ago might explain why.

Will the civic club asshats end up castrating themselves, donning black jumpsuits that say "Hail Martin", collecting a bag of quarters and committing suicide? Will the civic club asshats barricade themselves into the lodge sparking a showdown with the feds that leads to a deadly conflagration? Will the civic club asshats end up dead, face down in the mud of the infields of Franzen Field? Will former civic club asshats kill General Zod in a suicide bombing? None of that is likely.

Instead, the civic club asshats will once again host an October hillbilly hoedown called a "Candidate's Forum", The phony forum will be designed to portray Mike Martin as something other than the imbecilic crook he truly is.

We'll know if that works this time in just 71 days.

Saturday, August 23, 2014


The Martin Chronicles is perfectly willing to admit when we are in error. We work hard to keep up with all of the fast-breaking corruption and incompetence of Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin. It's a daunting challenge. But we'll just keep working harder.

So what did we get wrong? We'll, we reported that the misdirecting Martin hid $60,000 of taxpayer-funded legal expenses in "Office Expenses". We were incorrect. Martin didn't hide $60,000 of taxpayer-funded in legal expenses in "Office Expenses". No, Martin actually hid $71,184.36 of taxpayer-funded legal expenses in "Office Expenses".

Secondly, we have been reporting that Martin and his cronies are pouring $12,000 in to a little-used park. Once again, we were incorrect. Martin is already 25% over budget, wasting more than $15,000 on the little-used park. No wonder no road work is getting done.

We stand corrected.