Smiling Faces

The Martin Chronicles isn't sure how much time the vapid HBM-I (Holly Boo Boo) spends keeping up with local news. She is very busy hatching lame-brained plots to embarrass various perceived enemies with that vile ancient crocodile Councilman Mary Koenig, after all.

HBM-I views represent the lowest common denominator. The dregs of the barrel. The bottom of a poisoned well. The meanest of the mean-spirited. You know, just like the ass clowns who spend almost all of their nights sitting around the civic club bar propping up the mendacious Villa Hills Mayor Mike Martin.

We wonder if HBM-I is aware that the Villa Hills Police Department joined the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) in a major drug bust just a few days ago-and no, this has nothing to do with erstwhile one-term councilmember and Failed State Senate and City Attorney candidate Jim "The Grassy" Noll. If HBM-I is aware of this-or really anything for that matter-would she categorize the drug bust as another example of what she considers "fluff"?

While we are on the embarrassing subject of HBM-I, how pathetic was it when she ABSTAINED on a vote to change a police officer's pension status from NON-HAZARDOUS to HAZARDOUS? Abstained? Really? Who does Holly Boo Boo think she is, Mike Pope?

Malfeasant Mayor Martin insulted the newly hired officer by categorizing his duty as NON-HAZARDOUS for pension purposes. That is DISGUSTING. It's highly unlikely that the young patrolman thought the shooting incident he rolled up to several days ago was NON-HAZARDOUS. Martin should be ashamed. But he has demonstrated time and again over the past two and a half years that he is incapable of shame. This despite the long litany of MISCONDUCT and NEGLECT OF DUTY charges Martin was convicted of.

Believe it or not, we would have had more respect for HBM-I if she had voted to defend Martin's indefensible NON-HAZARDOUS position. By abstaining, Holly Boo-Boo clearly demonstrated what we already knew is a total disregard for the well-being of Villa Hills police officers. This is all a big game to the dim-witted HBM-I.

Unfortunately, the stakes of Holly Boo Boo's and Martin's shameful game are extremely high - for our police officers.

 

We think The Temptations describe HBM-I best in a song. Do you remember? You had better.

 

Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes

They don't tell the truth, uh

Smiling faces, smiling faces

Tell lies and I got proof

 

And we certainly have been providing you plenty of proof.



Outsourcing That Makes Sense

The Martin Chronicles believes very strongly that Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's ruse to destroy the Villa Hills Police Department needs to be opposed. The time for "patience" has long since passed. Too much has taken place in the cover of darkness. Councilpeople need to make their position on this issue known.  The need for the public to state their views is at least as important.

Martin is pursuing what is now being described as "outsourcing" for terrible reasons. How else would you describe ruining the careers of seven dedicated public servants just to gain vengeance against Police Chief Dan Goodenough and Detective Joe Schutzman? It is not Goodenough's and Schutzman's fault that Martin was arrested for forgery. It is Martin's fault.

Martin claims that he is hoping to save the taxpayers "a whole bunch of money". First of all, we have yet to find one Villa Hills resident who says their taxes have gone down. Quite the opposite. Property taxes have risen. Martin has broken his promise to eliminate the UNFAIR $40 PER CAR STICKER TAX. Instead, the mendacious mayor is suing people who haven't paid.

So who exactly is "saving money"? No one.  It's just more Martin moo poo to add to the already huge pile of moo poo that has been streaming from Martin beginning with his dirtbag 2010 mayoral campaign. Yes, the ass clowns at the civic club still believe him. A growing number of others don't beleive him any more.

There are plenty of local examples of "outsourcing" that have done anything but "save money". Look at the what happened to the cost of Erlanger dispatch services. Look at what happened to the cost of Emergency Medical Services. Look at what happened to Ludlow's contract to provide police protection to Bromley. Look at what is happening to the cost of police protection in Crescent Springs.

To play off of Martin's smarmy phrase, how much longer should this process take? He's been talking to other police agencies since before the 2010 election. 

Look, we know HBM-I is a dope. She didn't even realize that she was making the case against "outsourcing" during her feeble attempt to embarrass Chief Goodenough at the last non-secret City Council meeting. Holly Boo Boo was railing that the VHPD is making too many calls outside of the city limits.

Here's the thing. There is this long-standing tradition of MUTUAL AID. Police and fire departments routinely back each other up. What does it tell us when the VHPD is being  dispatched on calls in Crescent Springs so frequently? IT TELLS US CRESCENT SPRINGS' CURRENT "OUTSOURCED" ARRANGEMENT IS NOT PROVIDING ADEQUATE COVERAGE. IT MEANS "OUTSOURCING" ISN'T WORKING.

We do think the City would be far better off with one piece of "outsourcing". What would that be? Come November 4, 2014 the voters need to "outsource" Martin's hind end right out of the mayor's office. He has proven to be a disaster.

It's 615 days until Martin stands for re-election.

 



TUESDAY COMMENTARY: Once Its Done . . . It's Done

The Martin Chronicles isn't surprised. Not even a little bit. If you are surprised you had better wake up. Why? Because if Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin is able to push his vendetta against Police Chief Dan Goodenough and Detective Joe Schutzman to the point where he disbands the police department and contracts with another agency for what will surely be inferior protection (read: LESS SAFE), it will be very difficult-if not impossible-to undo the damage. 

Look, Martin has ZERO CREDIBILITY on this. He was arrested for forgery in late 2007 and filed a $1.505 MILLION LAWSUIT against the taxpayers of Villa Hills, Goodenough and Schutzman in 2008. It was tossed out of court the first time. Martin appealed it. It was tossed out of court again in 2011. This time the three judge panel announced that the actions that led to Martin's arrest "fit the very definition of forgery".

Martin ran for mayor solely to get back at all of his perceived enemies. He revealed a lot about his twisted mental state when he told the ass clowns at the civic club that he was going to "pick them (his perceived enemies) off one at a time". He LIED and SLANDERED and LIBELED and DEFAMED as easily as a normal person would brush their teeth. He's had some success. But the big prize for him is settling the score with Goodenough and Schutzman. That is unfinished business.

If you continue to sit back quietly still hoping Martin isn't really the spiteful little whack job he appears to be, it will soon be too late. He was the one who approached all of the other agencies. He is LYING to you when he tells you otherwise. Some of the ass clowns still believe Martin's LIES.

Do you?

Random Ramblings Redux

The Martin Chronicles remembers the heady days immediately following last years Villa Hills council elections. The hillbilly broom swept clean. It was supposed to be the beginning of malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's "Golden Moment".

 

Finally, we would all see what Martin could do with a council who would work with him. Well, we are seeing it. And its just more of the same. Maybe even a little worse. Why? Because the mediocre Martin is still badly mismanaging the City. And LYING every time he opens his mouth.

 

Just a few observations and suggestions to start our day:

• We would suggest that vile ancient crocodile Councilman Mary Koenig and HBM-I (Holly Boo Boo) do a few practice run-throughs before the next time they attempt to AMBUSH police Chief Dan Goodenough at a televised council meeting. If HBM-I wants to ask Goodenough questions about a document he's never seen in an underhanded attempt to embarrass him, she might oughta make sure SHE understands the document first. Between her disgraceful mischaracterization of Villa Hills Police calls as "fluff" one week after a shoot-out and her pathetic appeal to Koenig for help when she realized she was in way over her pointy head, Holly Boo Boo has solidified her ranking as a GRADE A DOPE.
• Speaking of DOPE, the talk amongst the (very small group of) intelligentsia in Villa Hills surrounds the, shall we say, poor judgment of Villa Hills voters. 2010 marked the election of the mismanaging Martin AND saw police barricade-running midnight toker Jim Noll become TOP COUNCIL VOTE-GETTER. 2012 brought back the re-animated Mary Koenig and the aforementioned pinhead, HBM-I. Well done, voters. Well done. And you wonder why your City is a laughing stock. We'll have to wait 616 more days to see if the voting public can turn it around. We aren't holding our collective breath.
• Then there is Flyin' Brian Wischer. In just his second month on council, young Mr. Wischer complained about the council meetings being "too long". While we agree that Martin is incapable of running a professional meeting, we suggest Wischer deal with it. Correct us if we are wrong Mr. Wischer, but we believe you asked for the job. Exactly who is "the tool" again?
• Martin has been spouting off about "saving taxpayer money" by negotiating a smaller payout to Special Counsel Phil Taliaferro. You know, the man whose investigation led to Martin being found GUILTY on SEVEN of NINE counts of MISCONDUCT and NEGLECT OF DUTY. Here's a question. Did Martin ask his high-priced whore Toad McMurtry to cut his bill to the taxpayers by the same amount? We hope someone asks Martin that question at the next televised council meeting.
• If new council flip-flopper Rod Baehner continues his impression of a weather vane in a wind storm he's going to end up putting his chiropractor in the top tax bracket. Baehner was asking voters to show some "patience" for Martin's two-plus year long vendetta to destroy the police department and outsource highly inferior police protection just a few days ago. Well, the public has shown great displeasure with Martin's police department antics. Baehner has now posted on Facebook "Why would anyone ever support outsourcing?" Good question, Rod. We've been asking that question since October 2011. What happened to "patience"? Perhaps it was replaced by political expediency?
• We have further confirmation that you know that we know that you know we know. Social networking posts suggest that the alleged President of the local chapter of the Aryan Nation is upset with The Martin Chronicles. Why? Because we correctly identified him as the alleged President of the local chapter of the Aryan Nation. Our thoughts? Auf Wiedersehen, Herr angeblich Präsident !

Perhaps the ongoing Martin mess explains why the new product featured below is flying off the shelf at the local convenient store!!! Better get yours while you can!!!


Now That's "A MARTIN""!

The Martin Chronicles keeps its eyes and ears open, spotting any new trends or fads in malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's embattled burg of Villa Hills. We've stumbled on something new.We're sure you've heard "on a scale of one to ten . . . " or "ranking from best to worst . . . ". As you know, these rankings are a way to score the relative strengths of many things . . . a restaurant meal . . . level of pain . . . hotel accommodations. You get the picture.

Some folks in Villa Hills have recently developed a new way to rank the relative intelligence of any statement or action. Let's talk about the extreme ends of this new intelligence ranking.

The highest end of intelligence is described as "an Einstein". People who have creative bursts that lead to breakthroughs in medical technology or the creation of a lasting piece of classic literature would rate in that category. Obvious, right?

Equally obvious-and equally regional in nature-is the ranking for the lowest intelligence. Yes, we know its obvious. It's "a Martin". People who strap an Air Force-surplus jet engine to the back of their pickup truck to make it move faster or mount an extension ladder on cinder blocks in the back of their aforementioned pickup truck that has been jacked-up in order to clean third-story windows are probably well on their way to "A Martin" . . . and the emergency room.

During his dirtbag 2010 mayoral campaign he actually claimed that "safety is my main concern". Really? You don't say? Let's take a look at what he has actually done.

Despite his LIES to the contrary, Martin has been on a vengeful quest to disband the Villa Hills Police Department since before he was elected mayor in 2010. He has reached out to Kenton County. He has reached out to Erlanger. He has reached out to Ludlow. He has reached out to Ft. Mitchell. Why? To outsource YOUR police protection. Oh, there's more. Disregarding a skyrocketing crime rate that now includes shootings and failed politicians being arrested for running police barricades while stoned, Martin nitwittedly continues to refuse to bring the police department up to proper staffing levels. All the while Martin vapidly insists that Villa Hills is "a very safe community".

Now THAT'S "A MARTIN".



Basic Accounting By THE ACME CORPORATION

The Martin Chronicles reporters are all huge fans of animated entertainment-aka cartoons. Among the staff's favorite cartoon topics? The never-ending struggle between the Road Runner and self-professed "super genius" Wile E. Coyote. Mr. Coyote continually patronizes THE ACME CORPORATION in search of that one tool that will finally bring the Road Runner to the dinner table. But it seems that no amount of ACME catapults, crossbows, earthquake pills, jet-propelled pogo sticks or boxes of exploding tennis balls can get old Wile E. where he hopes to go.

The troubled town of Villa Hills has its own self-professed "super genius". Who is their Wile E. Coyote? Why its malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin of course. Want some proof? Well, it has become abundantly clear that Martin and his $47.50 per hour crony hire, bucket-headed clerk/bookkeeper Cordelia Schaber rely heavily upon THE ACME CORPORATION's twisted text book, Basic Accounting.

Someone should probably let them know that this text book has been thoroughly discredited.Given the dismal, distorted condition of Villa Hills' financial records, Martin and Schaber should probably be able to figure that out themselves. Wait a minute. Never mind.

Our beloved publisher has engaged the services of some Certified Public Accountants to take their own look at that tangles bag of snakes referred to as the City's financial reports. What they see isn't too good. In fact, it's a mess.

The CPAs had several observations about the sad state of affairs. Here are just a few.

• The City's financial records should serve as a planning tool for Martin and the six councilmembers. They need solid numbers to make the important decisions. The current numbers are so incoherent that none of them could use the information to make plans for lunch!
• The City's auditor said that an outside accountant is good from the standpoint of segregation of duties. In an organization the size of the City of Villa Hills, that is at least debatable. Either way, that accountant should be competent. Clearly, the current accountant is anything but competent.
• Why did the auditor tell the council that the current accountant is doing a good job? Think about it. Who pays the auditor? It's Martin.
• Despite Martin's incessant claim that he is "saving taxpayer money", the City is grossly over-budget. Given the unfilled positions and dearth of street repair activity, that really doesn't make any defensible sense.
• It is clear that Martin has made the conscious decision not to fill the open position at least in part to provide him some cover for his complete mismanagement of the City's budget. He's pirating money out of what are, in effect, "shell accounts" to cover his over-spending elsewhere.
• The books are a complete mess. Why? Mostly because the people keeping the records simply don't understand even basic accounting principles.

Perhaps with the exception of THE ACME CORPORATION's basic accounting principles.

Looney Tunes indeed.



How Its Shaping Up

The Martin Chronicles is starting to see how things are shaping up with Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin and the six new councilpeople who surround him. You know, the ones who were supposed to help usher in Shorty's "Golden Moment". Well, maybe. But then again, maybe not.

It looks like newcomers Baehner, Balson and Cahill have learned at least a little something from what happened to their council predecessors-and virtually anyone else who comes into contact with the fraudulent Martin. Meaning? They seem to understand that you take anything Martin tells you at face value at your own great peril. There also seems to be a growing awareness of-and a wise desire to avoid-Martin's reflexive penchant for blaming everyone else for his endless string of foul-ups, bleeps and blunders.

Baehner's interesting call for "patience" as Martin moves forward with his long-standing plan to disband the police department serves as strong evidence that there is also a nervous realization that Martin will sick his lamebrained hillbilly lynchmob on any "dissidents" with little provocation. We suspect that Martin will be handled carefully-like a crazy uncle- for at least awhile.

Several sources tell us that Koenig "has no use" for Martin and she is very open about considering him "a dimwit". We find ourselves in the somewhat awkward position of saying we agree with Koenig this time. Look for Koenig to begin pressing Martin just a little harder each month. She considers him "toast" and is looking down the road to 2014 when she can get her own candidate elected mayor. It is unclear who that candidate is. At least for now.

HBM-I and Wischer are mostly just compliant neighbors of Koenig. They all share a backyard connected to Harry Rigney Park and a passing interest in settling some old scores. Look for HBM-I and Wischer to vote exactly how Koenig tells them to. Don't expect any "contributions" beyond that from either one of them.

One ongoing problem serves as a crystal clear window into the inner workings of the abject failure known as the Martin mis-Administration. Namely, the tangled mystery of the City's financial records. A city populated with nearly eight thousand people of purportedly above-average intelligence have two people (Mike Martin and Cordelia Schaber) whose combined IQs may not add up to 100 overseeing roughly three million of their tax dollars annually. We say "purportedly" because these people of purportedly above-average intelligence actually elected one of these two people with "half-century" IQs to govern them.

Look, we are fairly confident that nothing illegal has happened with the City's finances. Except maybe for the cash that was collected for THE UNFAIR $40 PER CAR STICKER TAX that has gone missing.  No. We just think that Martin and Schaber are so profoundly stupid that they have bollixed the City's financial records beyond the point of recognition.

Why else do you think Martin refuses to let Schaber leave despite the fact that she resigned in November 2011? Can you imagine the uproar that would occur if a REAL accountant came in and discovered the incredible mess that Martin and Schaber have made. Even a remarkably skilled liar like Martin would have a hard time explaining it all away.

He would just blame it on somebody else.





"DAG! Cipherin' is sure enough HARD!"

 

[For the record, 11 of our 15 posted predictions for 2013 have already happened or are underway. And it's only February 21!!!! Are these clowns predictable or what?]

 

 





Meeting Memo

The Martin Chronicles witnessed yet another three-ring circus last evening. What are we writing about? The ridiculous three-plus hour long Villa Hills City Council meeting. The ringmaster? Malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin of course. Never have so many people talked so much and said so little of any value.

Just some observations and questions for the moment.

There is clearly something wrong with the City's financial records.

Stop the presses!! HBM-I admitted the City financial records are "over my head" last night. Evidently they are over Martin's and Schaber's pinheads as well.

Toad McMurtry's appointment to City Attorney is imminent.

Martin continues to LIE about his outreach to other agencies for police protection.

Despite Martin's pointless protestations to the contrary, $47.50 per hour, crony-hire clerk/bookkeeper Cordelia Schaber is an offensive waste of taxpayer money.

It is highly unlikely that Martin's monthly SECRET MEETINGS will ever see the light of day.

It is well past time for the UNFAIR $40 PER CAR STICKER TAX to be repealed. We have been saying so since our launch in October, 2011. It is more obvious now than ever.

HBM-I represents the absolute worst of Villa Hills citizenry. And she does it very well. Her tasteless comment that Villa Hills Police Department calls are "fluff" less than a week after the shooting incident is unforgiveable.

If Martin truly "hates suing people", why does he do it so often?

And the question Martin can never answer.

How can he claim he is "saving taxpayer money" when he signed a budget in to law last year THAT INCREASED PROPERTY TAXES FOR EVERY VILLA HILLS HOMEOWNER? His claim is utter nonsense.

And so is he.

Some of you are getting exactly what you voted for. The rest of us have to wait 621 more days to see if there is even a shred of hope left for battered Villa Hills.



The Beginning Of WHAT?!?!

The Martin Chronicles asks you to imagine along with us that a group of intrepid archaeologists has discovered another apocryphal book buried-appropriately enough-in a crock in the mud along the banks of Lake General Zod. These archaeologists were able to determine that the book was written in ancient Norwoodian and they were able to translate it in to English. The apocryphal book's title? The Book of Martin, of course.

The opening line in this apocryphal Book of Martin reads, "In the beginning, Shorty created a reality all his very own". The problem? In a City currently being mismanaged by this fantasy-infused malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin, the terrified townspeople are being forced to join the Little CEO in his imaginary cuckoo land.

So to which Martin fantasy do we refer this time? First, we are going to take the leap of faith required to trust that the Gannett cub reporter quoted Shorty accurately when she wrote that he prefaced his revelation that he has been shopping City police protection with "As I told everyone from the beginning . . . ". Trusting the accuracy of the quote, we will ask what the cub reporter so egregiously failed to ask the malfeasant Martin, "When on The Almighty Spirit's green earth did you tell anyone that you were preparing to disband the Villa Hills Police Department and contract with another agency?"

Just why would we ask that question? Especially when we know that Martin will simply tell some ridiculous LIE. Well, because we want The Dissembling Doofus to go on the record with his ridiculous LIE. Shorty has put together quite a pernicious portfolio already. But this cavalier canard may be the cake-taker come the 2014 election. Social networking traffic indicate residents are none too pleased with Martin's plans to blow up the police department.

Look, we know that some people will believe whatever The Swiveling Snake Oil Salesman says. But that number of "some people" is shrinking. And Martin was only able to squeak out the narrowest of victories after running one of the most mean-spirited, deceitful dirt bag campaigns in the history of local Northern Kentucky politics in 2010. Shorty is very vulnerable.

There is even more evidence of The Norwood Nitwit's vulnerability. 2012 council candidate Dale Schaber's embarrassing defeat provides further proof. Schaber failed despite-or more likely because-of Martin's heavy campaigning on his behalf. The stage is set. Now the City just needs a viable candidate who is prepared to handle the LIBEL, SLANDER and DEFAMATION that Martin, his loud-mouthed wife Janet and their hillbilly lynchmob are sure to send.

Why do we care? We really don't. That is except for the fact that we really, really, really don't like nasty tinpot dictators like Castro, Mugabe, Chavez, Karimov, al Assad and, of course, Martin.

We haven't liked any of them from the beginning.





"I don't 'member anything tonight. But I'll 'member everything Wednesday."

 

"I'll be happy to get that information for you (when hell freezes over)."



"I don't know why I burned those documents in the middle of a lawsuit, your honor."

 

"Lookie Janet! I'm on the TV again!"

"They're all out to get me!"



"I AM The Superior . . . "

[EDITOR'S NOTE: We will be giving you a full report on tonight's council meeting beginning tomorrow.]





Get A Load Of Toad

Martin Chronicles sources are telling us that Villa Hills demented doofus Mayor Mike Martin is very close to announcing his appointment of his high-priced whore Toad McMurtry to replace long-serving City Attorney Mike Duncan. Evidently McMurtry leap-frogged a former one-term councilman and failed State Senate  candidate who liked to bloviate about his "trusted name and new voice" after what wags have dubbed "The Grassy Noll" incident.

 

We are also told that Martin is laboring under the possible misimpression-no huge surprise-that he does not have to seek the approval of the six members of his newly-minted "golden moment" council. Some nitwittery about the $70,000-yes, $70,000-already being in the budget. We hope that high-priced whore Toad McMurtry didn't give The Dissembling Dipstick that advice. If so, Shorty and Toad may both need to re-visit the Kentucky Revised Statutes.

 

Many are concerned that, if approved by council, Toad would assume the job weighed down with far too many conflicts. He is The Norwood Nitwit's personal attorney after all. He represented Martin during a removal hearing that ended with the malfeasant mayor being found guilty on seven of nine serious charges of misconduct and neglect of duty. Toad also represents Martin in a lawsuit against six former councilpeople. Normally, these conflicts should be far more than enough to disqualify McMurtry. But nothing in the mendacious Martin's Villa Hills closely resembles normal.

 

McMurtry has also callously antagonized City employees. He called Police Chief Dan Goodenough "a liar" and "unethical", even making the ridiculous assertion that Chief Goodenough was responsible for the illegal Jan, 2012 document burn. Why? Because he didn't tell Martin that mayors aren't allowed to break the law.

 

But wait. There is more. McMurtry called Police Detective Joe Schutzman "a baboon" and accused him of "planting evidence" to frame Martin for the illegal document burn. Toad was also highly insulting to the Public Works Director and the Assistant City Clerk. So why does McMurtry want the job? Someone who knows him says McMurtry would "lick Martin's sandals for the right amount of money".

 

We have also learned that McMurtry has offered to help with "Villa Hills' (READ Martin's re-election) public relations efforts. Toad is probably the perfect person to paper over the maggot-infested, rotting corpse that is Villa Hills City government.



The Martin Chronicles' Twenty-One Simple Truths

The Martin Chronicles' beloved publisher has his "Twenty-One Simple Truths" displayed on his office wall. It is amazing how many of his long-standing truths directly apply to malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's war-torn Villa Hills. As we head into what promises to be an eventful weekend, let's take a look.

ONE: You are either IN, or you are OUT.

TWO: Just because no one agrees with you, it doesn't mean you are wrong.

THREE: No circular firing squads.

FOUR: Very stupid people can also be very corrupt.
.
FIVE: Not only does he know it NOW, he knew it THEN.

SIX: Your life sucks if you spend more than two nights a week in a crummy bar.

SEVEN: Fence-straddling eventually leaves you singing falsetto.

EIGHT: If you need someone else to unclog your toilet, try stool softeners.

NINE: When you are convicted on 7 of 9 charges you have not been acquitted.

TEN: Beware of training manuals that tell you its okay to break the law.

ELEVEN: Government agencies are NEVER allowed to hold secret meetings.

TWELVE: Only mental cases think its always someone else's fault.

THIRTEEN: Patience is rarely a virtue when dealing with crooked morons.

FOURTEEN: NEVER hire an unlicensed electrician or plumber.

FIFTEEN: It's NEVER a good idea to run a police barricade when you have dope in the car.

SIXTEEN: Octagons always have eight sides.

SEVENTEEN: Generally speaking, backhoes aren't designed to open anything.

EIGHTEEN: We need more police officers, not more guns.

NINETEEN: Saving "a whole lot of money" should lead to "a whole lot" lower tax rate.

TWENTY: Toad McMurtry is nothing more than a high-priced whore.

TWENTY-ONE: The good folks win in the end.

Our publisher also has what he calls The EDDIE Rule posted on his wall.

"When you tell one person what happened and then tell another person a completely conflicting version of that same event, you have told someone a LIE. Right, EDDIE?"

[PUBLISHER'S NOTE: The Martin Chronicles will host its 95,000th visitor this weekend. And we are just warming up.]



Conspiracy Theories Abound

The Martin Chronicles has already heard faint rumblings of wingnut conspiracy theories floating around Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's embattled burg in the aftermath of the recent shooting incident. They are all very, very strange. But then what else would you expect? There are mental cases that believe Mayor Steve Clark was ousted all those years ago "because he wasn't Catholic". You can't make this stuff up.

The "Staged Shooting" Theory: Some hardcore Martinites are actually suggesting that a number of Northern Kentucky police agencies hatched a plot to trump up the shooting incident to generate unwarranted sympathy for the Villa Hills Police Department and derail The Nitwit From Norwood's plans to "save you a whole bunch of money". These Martinites aren't quite sure yet how these police agencies were able to convince the two residents to allow themselves to be shot.

The Hillbilly Anti-Gun Theory: A contingent of aluminum-foil hat-wearing, hillbilly Martinite gun-nuts are already expressing public concern that President Barack Obama will use this "staged shooting" as a pretext to seize all of their firearms. These aluminum-foil hat-wearing hillbilly Martinite gun-nuts have yet to prove the connection between the conspiring Northern Kentucky police agencies and the White House. But that will not deter them. Wait?!?! Is that a drone up there?!?!

The "It Was All About Jim Noll" Theory: Some crackpots suggest that Police Detective Joe Schutzman planned the entire incident just to force former one-term councilmember, failed State Senate candidate and former leading contender to be Shorty's next City Attorney Jim Noll to drive through police barricades to get home. These crackpots suggest that the marijuana and paraphernalia were actually "planted". Where have we heard that before? The crackpots who subscribe to this theory haven't quite figured out a way to explain why police officers described Noll as "disoriented" and how Noll managed to blow twice the legal limit on the breathalyzer. Lots and lots of practice is our guess.

The "It Was All About Jim Noll" Theory Version 2.0: There are a number of mental cases who suspect Martin's high-priced whore Toad McMurtry. Why? McMurtry set Noll up to ensure that the "trusted name, new voice" Noll City Attorney candidacy would be deep-sixed. Look, we know McMurtry is lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut. But we just don't think he's nearly bright enough to pull off such a scheme.

The "Martin Holds Auditions" Theory: What better way to find out which police department to hire after you boot out the Villa Hills Police Department? Bring them all in and see which bunch performs the best. While we think Shorty is a conniving little piss-ant, we know he's not smart enough to pull something off like that.

Our reporters are also hearing even crazier theories involving ancient space aliens, asteroids, concession stands, Hanger 18, Bigfoot, The Lake General Zod Sea Monster and donated civic club equipment that seems to have gone missing.

The Martin Chronicles has a piece of advice for all of the wing-nuts, gun-nuts, crack-pots, rum-pots, hillbillies and EDDIE hatching conspiracy theories in the salons and saloons across Villa Hills. It is a very old-and very true-axiom.

If you hear hoof beats think horses, not zebras.

Advice For New Informants

The Martin Chronicles truly appreciates that so many good people are willing to shine the light on filthy cockroaches like Villa Hills miscreant Mayor Mike Martin, Kenton Kounty Boss Steve Barfinghaus, the vile ancient crocodile Councilman Mary Koenig, HBM-I and so many other ne'er-do-wells and nitwits playing in that cesspool of corruption and incompetence known as Villa Hillls politics. In fact, we like all of you so much that we want to give you some advice to keep you out of trouble and gainfully employed

As an example, absolutely never, ever, ever use a Kenton Kounty e-mail address, fax machine or telephone to send us information about that bilious blowhard Steve Barfinghaus or any of the dim-bulb members of his goon squad. Don't do it. Not now. Not ever. NEVER! No matter how important the information is. Use your own phone, email or fax. It can wait. Its not like Barfinghaus is going to suddenly become a decent human being. Barfinghaus is a skunk of the highest order and will be so forevermore

What advice might new Councilmember Rod Baehner provide? Let's take a wild guess. Rod would advise you to be "patient". Wait until you get to your own computer, phone of fax. And you know what? Unlike Rod's plea for "patience" as The Fidgety Forger happily dismantles the Villa Hills Police Department, patience is a good idea when ratting out the bad guys.

What advice do we think new Councilmember Jim Cahill would give? Well, unlike the way he describes the voluminous problems with the City's mystery-riddled financial statements, Cahill would probably tell you that using your employer's resources to contact us would be "very material".

What advice would new Councilmember Flyin' Brian Wischer post on Facebook? First, he would accuse the wrong person of sending The Martin Chronicles information on company equipment. Then little Mr. Wischer would use a very out-dated term to describe that wrong person. Maybe something like "a tool"?

What advice would inattentive cincinnati.com junior reporter Libby Cunningham offer up? "Sorry, I don't have time for anything substantive right now. I need to send a tweet to, well, er, uh, eh, almost nobody".

What advice would giantess firebug MARY HARDMAN supply? "Just tell them you read a book that said it was perfectly fine to use company phones, computers and faxes for personal use. Oh, and stare menacingly at everyone while you are saying it".

What advice would EDDIE lend? He'd probably tell you to only send us information if we pay you $55 per tip. He'd also tell you to say we didn't pay you anything if someone else asks.

What advice would $47.50 per hour-crony-hire-bucket-headed-clerk/bookkeeper Cordelia Schaber send your way? "Ahhhh dowunt unnerstayand. Whuuut is uh informayant?" Don't worry, you'll still have to pay her $47.50 per hour. Despite the fact that she resigned almost a year-and-a-half ago.

Last but not least, what sage advice would you receive from The Crown Prince Of Incompetence And Corruption, Mike Martin? He'd say that if you're caught you just say, "I didn't know I couldn't misuse the organization's resources THEN, but I know that NOW"! Hey, it has always worked for Shorty.

Just remember. The job you save may be your own. Don't worry, this corrupt circus will eventually pull up stakes and leave town. Shorty's "Golden Moment" is already falling apart.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Our Kenton Kounty Kourt House snitches do report that Villa Hills Police Detective Joe Schutzman and All Hail The Superior were both seen entering the Kounty Kastle at roughly the same time last Friday-but not together! No, Barfinghaus. They didn't use YOUR computer to contact us this time. At least as far as YOU know.]



Face Time

The Martin Chronicles beloved publisher had lunch with a long-time Villa Hills political observer today. This wag said, "Every time you think it can't get any worse, Martin and his cronies sink to new depths. So much for things getting better after the November election."

After talking to our informants at the Kenton County Court House, we think perhaps Mr. Noll should consider the following defense. "I didn't know I couldn't get drunk and stoned and drive through police barricades with drug paraphernalia in my car THEN, but I know it NOW".

The pundit also reminded us of failed State Senate Candidate and leading contender to be Mike Martin's new City Attorney Jim Noll's stated desire to get more "face time" in the early months of his one term on Villa Hills' city council, "Well, he's getting plenty of "face time" now.

Indeed he is.



The Thin Blue Line

The Martin Chronicles is extremely relieved that no police officers were injured in today's early morning shooting incident on Amsterdam Road. Well-trained, dedicated police officers from a number of local agencies used quick thinking and quick action to prevent a very bad situation from getting far worse. Our thoughts and prayers go out to all of the police officers and we thank them for their bravery.

A few observations:

• It is clear that Villa Hills miscreant Mayor Mike Martin's (now-public) efforts to eliminate the City's police force is not deterring its officers from continuing to provide excellent service to their community. That doesn't make it any less terrible that these fine officers have to work under such deplorable conditions.
• How ridiculous does it appear now that Martin would only allow the hiring of the seventh (not eighth-seventh) police officer if that officer was designated as performing "non-hazardous duty" in the State retirement system? "Non-hazardous"? A slim majority of you are getting EXACTLY what you voted for. The rest should be appalled by such simplistic "thinking".
• One could reasonably think that this morning's shooting incident would give pause to the Martinite gun-nuts who think even more guns will make Villa Hills a safer community. But it probably won't.

Thank you to all of the dedicated police professionals who performed so ably today-as they do every day. The Villa Hills Police Department deserves far better.

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There is a related event. Former Villa Hills Councilmember, failed State Senate candidate and serious contender to become malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's next City Attorney Jim Noll was arrested early this morning by the Ft. Mitchell Police, who were also on the scene at the Villa Hills shooting incident.

The charges? According to Kenton County Jail Tracker:

• Reckless Driving
• Possession of Marijuana
• Drug Paraphernalia
• Operating Motor Vehicle Under The Influence of Alcohol/Drugs/ETC

You probably also remember that Mr. Noll was the one who publicly announced that he would not vote to remove the malfeasant Martin last October-no matter the evidence. Mr. Noll also gained some minor notoriety by holding up the last night of the Removal Hearing by nearly an hour because he was "missing in action".

The Martin Chronicles DOES NOT revel in the serious problems now facing Mr. Noll. We do question the judgment of Mr. Noll-and others-however.



 

It's Really A Very Simple Problem

The Martin Chronicles believes that the decision whether or not to disband the Villa Hills Police Department and contract with one of the-at least-five departments malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin surreptitiously contacted quite some time ago-and how does the dreadful cincinnati.com miss that?-is really very simple. The problem? The Nitwit From Norwood is also really very simple.

We've done a lot of checking. School records from Norwood High clearly prove that math is not Shorty's strong suit. Even the casual observer should have easily come to that conclusion when Martin waxed ineloquently about "five-sided octagons" all those dreadful council meetings ago. Even still, let's try an old fashioned "word problem".

Kenton Kounty Boss Steve Barfinghaus' emergency dispatch service sends out a call at 10:45pm on a Saturday night that there is a fill-in-the-current-blank (home invasion, burglary, theft, break-in, hold-up, mugging, drug deal, gun fight, knife fight, cat fight, cock fight, homicide or any of the other current elements of Villa Hills' skyrocketing crime rate) taking place in a home on Brookview Court. Let's use 2630 Brookview Court for this word problem.

For the sake of discussion, let's assume that in both instances the responding police officer is located at their headquarters. Martin is currently leaning towards contracting with the City of Ludlow PD, headquartered at 51 Elm Street, or 5.4 miles away from 2630 Brookview Court.

The Villa Hills PD is located at 719 Rogers Road, actually in Villa Hills-at least for now. The Villa Hills-at least for now- officer would have to travel 1.08 miles to 2630 Brookview Court. Again, let's assume that the responding officer travels at the same safe but urgent rate of speed-35 miles per hour-from either Ludlow or Villa Hills to get to the tumult taking place at 2630 Brookview Court.

Are you still with us? Good. Now, what are the travel times for (1) the Ludlow officer and (2) the-at least for now-Villa Hills officer to get to 2630 Brookview Court? C'mon, you can do it! Remember your basic algebra. Good, let's check your answer.

Ludlow officer's travel time to 2630 Brookview Court: 9 minutes, 15 seconds
Villa Hills-at least for now-officer's travel time to 2630 Brookview Court: 1 minute, 51 seconds.

Okay, you ass clowns from the civic club can sit out the rest of this math quiz. It's way, way, way over your heads.

(a) 9 minutes, 15 seconds < 1 minute, 51 seconds
(b) 9 minutes, 15 seconds > 1 minute, 51 seconds
(c) 9 minutes, 15 seconds = 1 minute, 51 seconds
(d) none of the above

Mark your answer. Okay, which did you choose? If you chose (b), 9 minutes, 15 seconds > 1 minute, 51 seconds, you are CORRECT! The rest of you will get an autographed (we aren't exactly sure who's name Martin signed on the tee-shirt) red-on-white "Mike Martin for Mayor" 2010-vintage tee-shirt courtesy of the 2014 Committee To Reelect The Pinhead (CREEP) as a lovely parting gift. You can wear it proudly. Or do what we did, BURN IT.

Here is where it gets just a little bit tricky. How much faster was the response time of the-at least for now-Villa Hills officer than the Ludlow officer travelling to 2630 Brookview Court?

(a) 2 times faster
(b) 3.5 times faster
(c) 5 times faster
(d) a lot faster

Are you finished? Okay. If you chose (c), 5 times faster, you are CORRECT! Depending on what your definition of "a lot" is, (d) is at least partially correct as well.

For the record, here are the distances from the other police departments the mendacious Martin has approached. Remember, the Villa Hills Police Department is 1.08 miles away from 2630 Brookview Court-at least for the moment.

Ft. Mitchell Police Department - 3.81 miles away from 2630 Brookview Court

Park Hills Police Department - 4.57 miles away from 2630 Brookview Court

Erlanger Police Department - 4.77 miles from 2630 Brookview Court

Kenton County Police Department - 14.34 miles from 2630 Brookview Court

How much money does The Nitwit From Norwood have to "save" you annually in order to justify much slower response times and a lot less safety? We wonder what Shorty's definition of "a lot" is. Would you settle for being less safe for a savings of $10K a year? $25K a year? How about being less safe for $50K a year? $75K? $100K? What is your number?

Look, the ass clowns from the civic club, Tea Party fanatics, EDDIE and the St. Jokers don't care. But do you?

By the way, how much more time does new Councilmember Rod Baehner think Shorty needs? How much "patience" is required as Martin pushes to finally get the revenge he has sought? Is this about safety? Or is it about some amount of money?

How much is your safety worth to you?

 

[EDITOR'S NOTE: One last important number. It's 630 days until Mayor Moron stands for re-election. We need one decent candidate (READ: NOT the way-too-"patient" Rod Baehner) to stand up and challenge him knowing full well that Martin, his loud-mouthed wife Janet and the rest of the hillbilly lynchmob will LIBEL, SLANDER and DEFAME that challenger. It's all about 11-4-14.]

It's The SAFETY, Stupid!

The Martin Chronicles has known that Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin is a dangerous and dim-bulbed fanatic for some time. Unfortunately for the troubled town, either a razor-thin majority of its' voters are also dangerous and dim-bulbed fanatics or just a complacent mass of gullible sheeple. Why? Because that razor-thin majority elected one of its most dangerously stupid residents to govern them.

The most recent-and most serious-example of The Nitwit From Norwood's colossal incompetence is his ridiculous rationale found in the way-more-than-two-years-too-late article in the mediocre cincinnati.com. Shorty believes the decision to disband the Villa Hills Police Department and contract with another City for "protection" will be based on "saving money".

We know the "Don't Tread One Me" flag-waving Tea Party pinheads, Liberty Leaguers and home-schoolers go ga-ga over such reckless rhetoric. That is precisely why everybody with functioning frontal lobes should be concerned.

If you've been paying any attention at all you know that Villa Hills is experiencing an unprecedented crime wave. Burglaries. Break-ins. Home invasions. Thefts. Drugs. The situation continues to worsen. While he's far too megalomaniacal to admit it, Shorty's vengeful decimation of the town's police department is THE major factor for the sky-rocketing wave of crime.

Does anyone-other than the civic club ass clowns-really believe that a police department based further away from Villa Hills will provide better police protection than an even  short-handed one that is patrolling the City streets 24/7? If Crescent Springs' Mayor Jim Collett could find it in himself to be truthful, he would admit that the Erlanger "experiment" has not gone well at all. So why should Villa Hills make the same mistake? This is far more about SAFETY than about SAVING MONEY.

Yes, we know. Martin doesn't really care about saving any money. Shorty really only wants to finally get his revenge against Chief Dan Goodenough and Detective Joe Schutzman for his 2007 forgery arrest. (No, it wasn't a conspiracy despite the lies that Martin and his cronies continue to tell to this day. We're going to show you the checks he forged in upcoming posts.) It's just too bad that the thumb-suckers at cincinnati.com don't have the virtue to say it as well. Instead they continue to confuse their production of pointless pap with objectivity.

A special note to new Councilmember Rod Baehner. Patience? Really? Martin has been looking for someone other than the Villa Hills Police Department to provide police protection for his embattled burg since before the 2010 election. He and former Councildunce Mike Pope had serious talks with Erlanger at that time-all the while vehemently denying it.

We were just starting to repect you a little bit Rod. But your fence-riding is just murder to watch and to read on Facebook. The Martin Chronicles' RULE NUMBER ONE: "You are either IN, or you are OUT".

Rod, we're gonna help you out. We are in the process of obtaining the letter Martin sent to Park Hills, Erlanger, Ludlow, Ft. Mitchell and Kenton County. Read it and then get back to us and let us know if you still think all Martin needs is a little more time to gather information.

So what will be left for safety-once Martin's alleged main concern? Do you really want to go the way of All Hail The Superior and his goofy gun goons? Should every attempted crime end in a civilian shoot-out?

The sheeple are getting EXACTLY what they voted for. And chuckleheads like EDDIE continue to enable The High Priest Of The Branch Norwoodians. The problem is the rest of the residents have to suffer along with these geeks for another 631 days until they learn whether there is any hope at all for Villa Hills.



BREAKING NEWS: Police Department In Peril

The Martin Chronicles has to admit what our regular readers already know. Our perky little blog has been telling you since our launch on October 8, 2011 that Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin has been planning to destroy the Villa Hills Police Department. We do want to give a bit of a Bronx Cheer to the lame-stream media-types at Gannett for finally investigating the story seventeen months later.

Cincinnati.com has posted a story misleadingly entitled, "Villa Hills may look for police department bids". May look? Really? MAY look? C'mon, Man!!! The correct headline would be, "Martin has been secretly looking for police department bids for more than a year". This is why we are confident that the doofus headline-writer for cincinnati.com is an absolute shoe-in for the First Annual Shorty Award for "Lamest member of the lame-stream media". And the competition for that award is fierce.

The Nitwit From Norwood-brace yourself-even lies in cincinnati.com's innocuous little blurb. What does "All Hail The Superior" say? "As I told everyone from the beginning, I've had four different departments approach me and offer to give us bids for services". That is a lie layered upon a bigger lie.

Our publisher would not be pleased with cincinnati.com's junior reporter's efforts. Why? Well, how about asking The Dissembling Dipstick-as follow-up-when he told anyone about these bids?" Insiders tell us that Martin has even been reassuring the ass clowns from the civic club as recently as last week that "anybody who sez I'm thinkin' about doin' that there thang (disbanding the police department) is lyin' to you all". Okay Mayor Moron, exactly who is THE LIAR? Never mind. The answer is obvious.

Besides, these departments DID NOT approach The Fidgety Forger. Martin has approached them-and others. How do we know this? Our informants in Kounty Boss Steve Barfinghaus' Kourt House and The City of Ft. Mitchell have been telling us so for many months. It would not be unreasonable to assume that cincinnati.com's junior reporter would gain some sense that Martin is well, how to say it?, uh, er A DAMNED LIAR. She has covered Shorty for some time now. But no. She appears to be too anxious to flit off to send a tweet or post something on Facebook-both of which having virtually no readership-than to do just a little digging for THE TRUTH.

Do we really have to explain why Martin has pushed so hard for this? The Swiveling Snake Oil Salesman has been seeking revenge against Police Chief Dan Goodenough, Detective Joe Schutzman and the entire police department ever since he had an arrest warrant issued for him for forgery. He sued the chief and detective AND the taxpayers (despite the fact that he happily lied to the taxpayers, telling them he wasn't suing them) for $1.505 MILLION.

Shorty decided to take a different approach after that potential taxpayer-funded CASH EXPLOSION was tossed out of two courts. What next? Get the chief and detective BY DESTROYING THE ENTIRE POLICE DEPARTMENT. And The Little Liar is well on his way to doing exactly that.

All of the civic club ass clowns, hillbillies, Tea Party fanatics, St. Joe's Heavy Drinking Men Society members, gun nuts, EDDIE and all the other moronic Martinites ARE GETTING EXACTLY WHAT THEY VOTED FOR. The rest of us are going to have to wait another 634 days to see if there is any hope at all to fix this terrible mess Martin continues to create. There is a lot of work to do. It is now ALL about 11-4-14.







The Macabre Mayor

The Martin Chronicles is reminded of the old story about the four men in trench coats intently staring in to Uncle Fredo's open casket at poor Fredo's visitation. No, the four men weren't there to pay their respects. They were there to confirm that Uncle Fredo was really dead and gone.

While we aren't sure whether Villa Hills' moribund Mayor Mike Martin was wearing a trench coat, we have heard that he also recently paid an unusual and unwelcome visit to a wake. Sources tell us that many people were highly offended by the Charlatan CEO's mere presence. Why? In order to understand that we'll need to give you some background.

In short, we have told you how Martin callously cobbled together a corn pone coalition by telling LIE after LIE after LIE after LIE after LIE to narrowly win his 2010 mayoral run. Surprisingly, Martin actually kept one or two of the promises he made. This story involves one of them.

The Fidgety Forger promised some mean-spirited neighborhood busy-bodies-you know the type, total jerks just like The Dissembling Dipstick-that he would punish their senior-citizen neighbors if they helped him get elected. For what? Well, the offending octogenarian couple had too many pets for those nasty neighbors' liking. That was simply unacceptable to those holier-than-thou phonies.

So what did Martin end up doing? It was roughly the equivalent of unclogging a toilet with several sticks of dynamite. Come to think of it, given the "shoddy at best" reputation of Martin's unlicensed handyman "business", Shorty has probably done that on at least one occasion. Probably not on Sister-In-Law Sharon's toilet though. Right, Eddie?

Martin worked with the Kenton Kounty "braintrust" of the bilious blowhard Kounty Boss Steve Barfinghaus and Scarry Garry Edmonson to unleash the full force and fury of Kenton Kounty's Krack Homeland Security Team on the doddering old couple. Pets were slaughtered in the front yard. Senior citizens slapped with harsh fines. Best of all? These poor old people's vicious neighbors jumped for joy.

The health of the golden-aged couple began to decline soon after "All Hail The Superior" callously orchestrated their very public embarrassment. Some family members are convinced that the decline may have been accelerated by the needlessly harsh treatment these octogenarians received from The Nitwit From Norwood and his Krass Kenton Kounty pals. So be it.

One of Shorty's pet-owning targets recently passed away. As we already wrote, the macabre mayor decided to add one final insult to the fatal injury he helped inflict by crashing the visitation. Some witnesses say they saw Shorty standing over the open casket muttering to the deceased, "I'm the CEO. It's my decision. We're moving on. Get over it."

[EDITOR'S NOTE: NEXT UP, a rundown on some BIG stories we are following.]

A Secret Meeting By Any Other Name

The Martin Chronicles finds itself in some rarefied air at the moment. Probably for the only time ever in history that it will happen, we generally agree with former Councilprovocateur Mike Pope. You see, Pope once described an untelevised caucus meeting as "SECRET". After watching Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin run roughshod over the law these past twenty-five months we stick to our guns calling last night's and every other well-kept secret caucus meeting exactly that, SECRET.

Whine all you want. Here is our position. If you haven't done everything you can to keep taxpayer business in front of the taxpayers-you have done nothing.

One of the bogus themes of Martin's dirtbag 2010 mayoral campaign was transparency. If the Open Records and Open Meetings problems of the past twenty-five months fit Shorty's definition of "transparency", we sure aren't going to hire his shoddy-at-best handyman company to clean any windows in The Martin Chronicles' palatial offices.

We also hear that The Nitwit From Norwood believes that at some point "people have an obligation to come to the meetings if they want to know what's going on". Good grief. Given the skyrocketing crime wave The Dissembling Dipstick's decimation of the Villa Hills police department has caused, NO WONDER NO SANE RESIDENT WANTS TO LEAVE THEIR HOME UNATTENDED JUST SO THEY CAN GO TO ONE OF HIS MEETINGS.

A SECRET MEETING by any other name would smell as corrupt.

TOAD JUMPS AHEAD

The Martin Chronicles is not writing about the notorious Dan'l from Mark Twain's story set in Calaveras County. Yes, this Toad is also notorious. But for a different set of reasons. We are writing about Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's high-priced whore Toad McMurtry.

Sources tell us that this slimy Toad has hopped to the top of Shorty's list of prospects to replace the very-soon-to-be-jettisoned City Attorney Mike Duncan. We have to admit we are disappointed. Not because we don't relish the opportunities that will surely allow us to reveal McMurtry to be the braying jackass that he is.

No, its because we were so hoping The Nitwit From Norwood would pick former one-term council member and failed State Senate candidate Jim Noll. If Noll doesn't land the $70,000 a year Villa Hills gig we will have to conclude that he was a "cheap date" after all. Let's face it. Noll guaranteed to vote "NO" to The Fidgety Forger's removal-no matter the evidence-just for the price of Martin's loudmouthed wife Janet's help on his failed State Senate campaign? Really? Talk about your bargain-basement bribe.

Not to fear. The high-priced whore Toad McMurtry will provide endless hours of mindless entertainment. This doofus has already generated a large amount of animosity by calling Police Chief Dan Goodenough "unethical" and a "liar". McMurtry even scolded Goodenough for not telling Mayor Moron that he was not allowed to break the law. McMurty also accused Detective Schutzman of "planting evidence" and called the detective "a baboon". We wonder what McMurtry's pals at Covington Latin think about such un-Christian name-calling?
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Call the meetings whatever you want . Untelevised. Private. Secret.  Martin can hold them on the dark side of the moon as far as wer're concerned. Because wherever the malevolent Martin is wreaking havoc, we'll be there.

Dial 'M' For Moron

The Martin Chronicles is just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round. We really love to watch 'em roll. We listen to those hand-wringers and bed-wetters who still hold out hope that six new faces around a council table can fix what is terribly wrong in malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's Villa Hills. Our advice to those who still hold out that hope, "Rotsa ruck".

Because, you see, no matter how many

• new council people
• new city attorneys
• new police departments
• new city clerks
• new Facebook and Twitter posts
• new false promises to repeal THE UNFAIR $40 PER CAR STICKER TAX
• new lawsuits
• new non-material mistake-filled financial reports
• new "erased" hard drives that were really never erased
• new name-drops of mysterious Planning Commission president Paul de Paul
• new open records and records retention training sessions
• new libelous allegations
• new "wreck" committee meetings
• new mythical $30K discoveries
• new 'attaboys' from bilious blowhard County Boss Steve Barfinghaus
• new secret meetings
• new recruits for Martin's hillbilly lynch mob
• new City records to torch
• new caucus meetings
• new binge-drinking newly elected officials training sessions
• new computer companies
• new five-sided octagons
• new budgets
• new media outlets to bash
• new homemade signs later converted to outhouses
• new members of "Dead Pecker's Row"
• new uncrushed-by-a-backhoe safes
• new Handyman Manifestos
• new city parades and skirt games
• new claims of civic club equipment being "donated" to the city
• new crony hires
• new threats of gun violence spouted from the council chamber podium
• new fifty-year road plans that can change minute-to-minute
• new rounds of mud-jacking
• new "F" him, "F" her, "F" them sessions with the ass clowns at the civic club
• new reassurances that you ARE getting what you voted for
• new excuses for missing cash
• new excuses for missing reprimands
• new excuses for total, complete, abject failure
• new psychological disorders
• new scapegoats to blame

One thing remains the same. That is the root cause of the embarrassing problems in Villa Hills City government. Who is that? That is the corrupt and incompetent Nitwit From Norwood himself, Mike Martin.

And of course, Martin has more than his share of enablers. You know who they are.

• the Civic Club ass clowns
• the Tea Party pinheads
• the St. Joke's Heavy-Drinking Men's Society
• the burgeoning hillbilly voting bloc
• the gun-toters
• the pot-smokers
• the tax-dodgers
• the homemade sign-makers
• the howl-at-the-moon lunatics
• County Boss Steve Barfinghaus
• high-priced whore Toad McMurtry
• former Councilgeek Mike Pope
• failed State Senate Candidate Jim Noll, and last but certainly not least
• Eddie
  

We will have to wait 636 days to see if what is left of the sane voters will be enough to unclog the overflowing toilet that is the Martin Misadministration.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: A number of people have been inquiring about the true identity of General Zod. Seriously? Isn't it obvious? Haven't you been reading the posts?]