The Martin Chronicles had a very distinguished, long-time Villa Hills resident pay a visit to our offices today. To a person, our entire staff enjoys meeting with this legendary long-timer. Especially when this person brings several pizzas as was the case today.
Everyone gathered in the break room to enjoy pizza, soft drinks and conversation about the final two weeks of the election campaign in malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's embarrassed burg. Oh, this race has been a doozy.
Martin has been telling bold-faced lies about his wild spending on lawyers and legal fees. Martin used taxpayer money to pay city employees to print and mail a piece of political propaganda. The "Martin Five" council candidates have been making flowery promises about "communication" and "transparency" and then no-showing the only opportunity to answer serious questions from inquisitive residents prior to Election Day. Martin apparatchik City Administrator/Clerk Craigory T. Bohman has been photographed going on private property to remove campaign signs. The high crimes and hypocrisy have been epic.
After about twenty minutes of political chatter, our distinguished guest stood up and said, "Is everyone ready to play a game?" Always up for some fun, the entire staff emphatically said "yes!"
Our colleague began this way. "We all know Martin has built a pernicious political career on making all kinds of vicious, baseless claims about his opponents, right?" After unanimous agreement, our guest continued. "We also know that Martin has created a ridiculous myth that he is just a pure-as-the-driven-snow, good government evangelist who has always struggled against the forces of evil, right?" Again, unanimous agreement. So, are you ready to play a game called, "What if the shoe were on the other foot"? Everyone was "in"!
Okay, so "Mister Truth and Integrity" is a challenger instead of the incumbent in the current race. The imaginary incumbent mayor has done every corrupt and incompetent thing that the real Martin has actually done so far and no one really knows "Martin the challenger". Are you with me so far? Of course we were.
Our visitor continued. So, what would "Martin the challenger" do? As is his wont, he would make vicious, baseless claims against the incumbent right? Sure he would. Heck, he does it all the time. Imagine "Martin the challenger" entertaining his civic club buddies (CCB) with a pack of tripe in preparation for handing out his dung door-to-door the final weekend of the election campaign.
Here is how "Martin the challenger (MTC)" would do it:
MTC: "Did you know that Mayor Incumbent just purchased a 2015 Ford F-150?"
CCB: "Wow, really?"
MTC: Oh, yeah. And those F-150s start at $25,000.
CCB: Woo-eee.
MTC: So where does a shoddy-at-best handyman get that kind of money, anyways?
CCB: Gee, how?
MTC: Think about it for a minute. Didn't Mayor Incumbent use your money to hire his personal attorney to serve as City Attorney?
CCB: Yeah, he did!
MTC: And haven't you seen the documents on Facebook that prove Mayor Incumbent has paid more than $239,000 dollars in less than to years to a guy who was his personal attorney? Guys, that is your money!
CCB: Yeah, we've seen that! Holy (EXPLETIVE)!
MTC: Well, how can you be sure where all of your taxpayer money really went?
CCB: Yeah, we don't know! (EXPLETIVE), the city financials on the crappy city website don't make any sense at all!
MTC: That's what I'm talkin' about!
CCB: (EXPLETIVE)
MTC: But it sure doesn't end there.
CCB: Huh?
MTC: Well, think about it? Didn't Mayor Incumbent get his city clerk a 50% pay raise to take on the role of city administrator?
CCB: Yeah, that's right!
MTC: And didn't that clerk/administrator then pay Mayor Incumbent a lot of money to supposedly do shoddy-at-best handyman work on his home in Erlanger?
CCB: (EXPLETIVE)! He did do that!
MTC: So, do you know what money laundering is?
CCB: Uh, huh. What?
MTC: C'mon! Doesn't that sound exactly like some crooked kind of payback?
CCB: Yeah. Yeah, uh. Yeah it does.
MTC: Can't you see it? Mayor Incumbent is ripping you off. He's just a taxpayer-robbing crook!
By the way, the REAL MALFEASANT MAYOR MARTIN just purchased a 2015 Ford F-150.
