The Martin Chronicles has to confess that we could not care less how bad things get for Villa Hills Mayor Mike Martin. Or, for that matter, how dreadful things get for the entire City. In point of fact, our informal motto is “IT CAN’T GET BAD ENOUGH!” If you visit our offices, you will hear our staff reduce the motto to the acronym “ICGBE!” Much like Mayor Martin himself, our motto is a “running joke”.
We also get a tremendous laugh out of how poorly the coalition Martin scrabbled together to mudslide to victory in 2010 is serving him now:
· Councilman Mike Pope? Well, this self-professed accounting genius has fouled-up the City’s finances so badly that he may be getting a visit from the State Auditor’s office in the very near future.
· Councilman Jim Noll? He brings his own portable wet bar to council meetings and has allegedly exhibited predatory behavior that has pushed the City to the brink of yet another lawsuit.
· Crony-hire $47.50 per hour Clerk/Bookkeeper Cordelia Schaber? Well, she may finally do something useful by serving as cannon fodder for Pope as he attempts to explain himself to the State Auditors.
· Martin’s biggest allies in the 2010 mayor’s race were the equally vile and disgusting rednecks at that putrid pub oddly referred to as a “civic club”. Our publisher showed his age when he suggested a civic club anthem. His song choice? Cher’s 1971 mega-hit, Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves.
As it is in the final days of most tin-pot dictators, Martin is now desperate for “soldiers”. Much like any banana republic ruler soon to be facing a firing squad, Martin is busy emptying out the prisons and lunatic asylums looking for any warm body that can carry a rifle in his desperate final stand.
Want an example? Despite the fact that we consider the civic club a reeking armpit, we have developed sources even there. We are told Martin is now reduced to getting advice and encouragement during council meetings from an alcoholic, morbidly obese car salesman who spends virtually every night of his miserable life parked on his bulbous butt at the sullied saloon.
Our sources have been laughing about the text message exchanges between Martin and the pudgy peddler ever since they occurred during the debacle known as the February 15 council meeting. The husky huckster was so proud of himself after the meeting that he was showing everyone the texts saying, “Lookey here!” We are guessing the slob salesman wasn’t paying too much attention to the actual meeting though. Despite-or perhaps because of-all of the corpulent car dealer’s loving advice and encouragement, the gum-chomping Martin made a total fool of himself.
[PUBLISHER’S NOTE: We have learned that the former president of the civic club who is making a run for a return to power has finally filled out his “Blue Ticket” of candidates. The former president is lovingly referred to by his boot-licking sycophants at the bar as “General Zod”. Joining the General on his “Blue Ticket” are Bane, Doctor Doom, Mephisto, The Silver Surfer, Lex Luthor, The Green Goblin, The Joker and, to attract the female voters, Catwoman and the infamous Harley Quinn. Our publisher can give you 18,000 unaccounted-for reasons to elect the “Blue Ticket” and return the civic club to its former glory. ICGBE!]
