When asked what was the matter, our beloved publisher started out by shaking his head and saying, "I guess old habits can be hard to break. I've covered many a crooked knucklehead over the years. But (Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike) Martin is the cake-taker." Yes, you guessed it. We all pressed for more information.
Our grizzled guru answered our many inquiries with a question of his own, "Do you all remember the fifth symptom of Executive Function Disorder we wrote about in our Tuesday post?" Always anxious to please the boss, our perky, young intern immediately blurted out, "I do. It is 'Past consequences for negative behavior don't alter future behavior'."
Recognizing our perky, young intern's need for self affirmation, our learned leader said, "Exactly right. And after what I heard at lunch today, its abundantly clear that Martin hasn't learned a single thing for the past consequences he has faced for negative behavior." Everyone wanted the details.
Our gifted guide continued, "Well, you know I had lunch with Doctor (Name withheld because we don't want him or her to be libeled, slandered or defamed by Martin's hillbilly lynchmob) today. You also know the good doctor spends some time working in the Emergency Room at St. Elizabeth Hospital."
Everyone was now on the edge of their seats and listening very closely. Looking for even more "brownie points", our perky, young intern said, "I sure do. So please tell us what happened!"
Our astute advisor then said, "I'm getting to that. So, anyway, Doctor (Name withheld because we don't want him or her to be libeled, slandered or defamed by Martin's hillbilly lynchmob) told me he recently talked to (Name withheld because we also don't want him or her to be libeled, slandered or defamed by Martin's hillbilly lynchmob) about an encounter he had with Martin. It seems that (Name withheld because we don't want him or her to be libeled, slandered or defamed by Martin's hillbilly lynchmob) recently went to the Villa Hills City Building to place an Open Records request."
Oh, this was getting good. Everyone couldn't wait to hear what happened next.
Our talented tutor continued, "Well, (Name withheld because we don't want him or her to be libeled, slandered or defamed by Martin's hillbilly lynchmob) witnessed Mary Koenig seated at the clerk's desk, City Clerk Craig Bohman down on his knees, he hoped because Bohman was fooling with the carpet and that goofy Martin offering to help. So Martin fills out the acknowledgement of the Open Records request he just received."
By the Great Spirit, this was getting good. Our most veteran reporter shouted out, "Tell us what happened, Boss!"
Our courageous chief continued, " So when Martin handed (Name withheld because we don't want him or her to be libeled, slandered or defamed by Martin's hillbilly lynchmob) the acknowledgement, (Name withheld because we don't want him or her to be libeled, slandered or defamed by Martin's hillbilly lynchmob) looked at it an saw that Martin had signed Craig Bohman's name to it! I mean, holy s#&t! Isn't Martin the jerkwater who was already ARRESTED FOR FORGERY IN 2007 because he signed his name to his deceased mother's checks and then cashed them? What the h&%l was that idiot thinking?!?!"
The Martin Chronicles staff never dares to challenge our beloved publisher. But we all wondered to ourselves why he would even consider the remote possibility that the miscreant Martin ever thinks about anything. Not now. Not ever. Never.
Martin does have a (hopefully) terminal (in 319 days) case of Executive Function Disorder, after all.
