2013 Predictions

The Martin Chronicles has our Top 15 Predictions as we head in to 2013. No, we don't claim to be psychic. We simply understand that past is prologue. Don't worry. We'll keep track of our score.

1. That loud, clunking sound you will be hearing for much of the year will be caused by the butting of the heads of malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin and Councilman Mary Koenig.
2. Villa Hills' crime rate will continue to skyrocket. No, we aren't just talking about the crime that occurs daily at 720 Rogers Road.
3. The new council will quickly vote to disband the Civil Service Commission. They will also likely waste large amounts of taxpayer money on legal fees attempting to strip current employees of legal protections afforded by Kentucky statute.
4. Councilman Koenig will introduce her proposed ordinance to prohibit council from investigating the mayor. Despite the fact that such an ordinance is in direct contravention of KRS 83A, the new council will buckle under to the demands of Martin's hillbilly lynchmob and other various and sundry pinheads, gun-slingers and mouth-breathers and pass the ordinance.
5. The new council will vote to pay Shorty's legal fees owed to that doofus Toad McMurtry.
6. Little or no road repair work will be done for the third straight year. This will serve as the primary rationale for Councilman Koenig's proposed new road tax. At some point she will equate the higher taxes to the cost of "one large pizza and a pitcher of beer a month". She will fail to mention that it is the taxpayers' "one large pizza and pitcher of beer a month".
7. Mediocre Mayor Martin will falsely claim to "find" more money.
8. Mediocre Mayor Martin will trigger more lawsuits in 2013.
9. Our snitches from that cesspool called the civic club will frequently report that the drunks at the bar comment about the miscreant Martin that "that little feller is doin' a dag-blamed good job now that there is a council that will work with him". Then they will all pick their noses and say, "Yup".
10. The bilious blowhard County Boss Steve Arlinghaus will convince the malaprop Martin and the new council to turn over most City services to the Kenton Kounty storm troopers. Despite this, the City's 2013 property tax will be raised by the maximum amount allowed by Kentucky statute at the urging of all-around-good-guy Councilman Jim Cahill.
11. Despite falsely claiming to have resigned in November of 2011, bucket-headed-crony-hire-clerk/bookkeeper Cordelia Schaber will continue to receive taxpayer-funded checks to the tune of $47.50 per hour throughout 2013.
12. The insubordinate Interim City Clerk Sue Bree will remain in her inert state throughout 2013.
13. There will be discussion about raising the insurance premium tax so that "it is in line with the rate most other Northern Kentucky Cities are collecting".  
14. Councilman Koenig and others will propose raising the City's payroll tax. At some point, Martin will proclaim that "the beauty of this tax is that it isn't paid by the residents". Well, at least it isn't paid by Shorty. Along with license and permit fees for his unlicensed electrical and plumbing work.
15. Councilman Rod Baehner (rhymes with Koenig) will frequently wax ineloquently about vague concepts like "moving the City forward", "being fair" and "putting the past behind us". Hey Rod, where else would the past be but behind us? Just sayin'.

Again, Happy New Year everybody. We can't wait.

Take THAT You . . . Uh-Oh!

The Martin Chronicles is sure you remember the famous-and ill-fated-promise of 1928 Presidential Candidate Herbert Hoover. Sure you do. Hoover promised his election would guarantee "a chicken in every pot and a car in every garage". The actual result? The United States joined the rest of the world in a plunge into The Great Depression in less than a year.

Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin made a similar pinheaded pronouncement in these waning days of 2012. What did Shorty say? That he has the real solution to Villa Hills skyrocketing crime problem. C'mon. You know what his vacuous idea is. You've read the odd pronouncements from the social networking hillbillies who support the mediocre mayor after all.

That's right. Martin told the gathering that a fully-staffed police department won't help stem the rise in home invasions and car break-ins. His suggestion is "a gun in every home". Yup. That'll git 'er dun. He he he he he.

Great idea, huh? That is until some blind-drunk slob waddles home from a night of binge drinking at the civic club and has his skittish wife bust a cap in his fat rump because he fumbled around too long with the front-door key. Or a shaky septuagenarian blows away the poor pizza delivery guy. Or your camo-wearing, liquored-up, hillbilly neighbor pumps two barrels of buckshot into his wife because she over-cooked his deer steak on the grill. You think things are bad now?

If you think this is an indication of how bizarre 2013 is shaping up in Villa Hills, you're exactly right. We are already on the trail of several new stories, all of which are going to cost the taxpayers even more money.

Happy New Year everybody! It appears Martin plans to continue to give the vapid voters of Villa Hills exactly what they voted for. Perhaps this time - right between the eyes!



Strange Bedfellows

The Martin Chronicles is relishing the prospect of reporting on one of the oddest alliances to be struck in the long rich history of corruption and cronyism that is Kentucky politics.We refer of course to the bed being shared by the bilious blowhard County Boss Steve Arlinghaus and the reanimated Villa Hills Councilman Mary Koenig.

We have to go back to the end of the last millennium in order to fully appreciate the richness of the unholy pairing of Arlinghaus and Councilman Koenig. Arlinghaus was an old-fashioned Kentucky Democrat back in those days. He also had the unenviable position of standing between Fraulein Koenig and her dreams of glory for her son mAdam. How? Arlinghaus and mAdam Koenig were competing for the same seat on the Kenton County Fiscal Court.

Mary Koenig's remorseless emasculation of Arlinghaus has become the stuff of political legend. Koenig and a flock of Rhine maidens she recruited went door-to-door telling everyone who would listen all the ugly details of Arlinghaus' then-recent, messy divorce. And there were ugly details galore.

Yes, we know. All voters like to believe they don't respond to mud-slinging and bogus attacks. But they do. Every single time. Koenig did know that then. And she knows it better than ever now. Young mAdam rolled to victory over Arlinghaus. It was mAdam's first step in what has proven to be a long, unremarkable political career devoid of accomplishment. It all started with his mother's vicious airing of baskets-full of Steve Arlinghaus' personal dirty laundry.

Flash forward roughly fifteen years. My how things have changed. Arlinghaus is now the Tea-Party-pinhead-endorsed, rock-ribbed Republican Kenton County Boss, squandering taxpayer money on granite counter-tops and pushing for so many taxes that even the Sheriff of Nottingham would blush.. Koenig has returned to Villa Hills Council, using public money and employees to finally fix the "Harry Rigney Park problem" behind her house on East Laguna and already "approving" improper expenditures.

Best of all? The two will spend the next two years spooning tightly together between the political sheets to turn over control of Villa Hills to Kenton County.

The vacuous voters of Villa Hills will be getting EXACTLY what they voted for yet again.

Mayan Musings

The Martin Chronicles has been told that Villa Hills miscreant Mayor Mike Martin informed his miserable employees that the City's Christmas Party will commence right after the world ends. Given the shoddy-at-best condition of that crummy town's City government, most employees are rooting for Armageddon. But no party.

By the way, what crazy calendar is crony-hire-$47.50-per-hour-bucket-headed-clerk/bookkeeper Cordelia Schaber using? She claims she resigned her City position in November 2011. If that is true, WHY ARE THE OVER-TAXEDPAYERS STILL GIVING HER A PAYCHECK????

The Martin Chronicles suggests that the most important timepiece is now the 2014 election countdown clock. The malevolent Martin stands for re-election in a mere 683 days. We sure hope at least one brave-and credible-soul decides to run against the malfeasant Martin.

It won't be an easy assignment. Villa Hills is now bursting at the seams with hillbillies, ridge-runners, hayseeds and rubes. You know. Martin's core constituency.

More daunting yet, any future Martin opponent must be aware that they will be the target of a vicious campaign of LIBEL, SLANDER and DEFAMATION launched by Shorty, his loud-mouthed wife Janet and the vine-swinging mouth-breathers from that over-flowing cesspool laughingly referred to as a civic club.

Still, we hope somebody-besides us-does something.

The clock is operating.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: We can't wait to report to you who we saw tossing back beers at KJ's the other night. Until then, Merry Christmas!]

Yes, Virginia. Martin Is A LAWBREAKER!

The Martin Chronicles is confident that Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin has all kinds of wacky and crooked things planned for the pinheaded residents of his crummy little city in 2013. We just can't wait. For all of you yahoos who believed that surrounding Shorty with an entirely new council was the solution to Martin's mayhem-

GOOD FRIGGIN' LUCK!!!!!

 



Random Observations

The Martin Chronicles is ramping up for a Merry Christmas. We are filled with a sense of peace and goodwill towards (most) men and women. But that doesn't mean we will stop doing our job.
 
First, a sincere THANK YOU to outgoing council members George Bruns, Greg Kilburn, Scott Ringo and Tim Sogar. All four of you have been tremendous public servants who made a positive difference in your community. The four of you join a long line of people who were "fouled up" simply by coming in contact with Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin.
 
You see, many people just can't find it in themselves to believe that the mediocre Martin is that dishonest and that stupid. Instead, they fall for Martin's perpetual excuse that everyone is simply out to get him. The voters took it out on you just because you rightfully believed that the sinister Shorty should play by the same rules everyone else does. The election result says everything about the lame-brained voters in the hillbillified Villa Hills and nothing about the exceptional quality of your public service. The idiot voters don't deserve you.
 
Next, goodbye (for now) to the lunatic Mike Pope. One would be hard-pressed to find a more rancid turd in the proverbial punch bowl than the wing-nutty Pope. For those of you who worry that you will never see the putrid Pope again, be not afraid. The venomous Mary Koenig is back. Jim Cahill is back. Even the malevolent Martin is on a return appearance. Given the rampant stupidity of the Villa Hills voting populace, don't be surprised if we see a sequel for the dreadful Pope as well.

The wacky Pope confirmed what we already knew at last night's council meeting. Namely, that he is an avid reader of The Martin Chronicles. By the way Mr. Pope, we are a blog. You are the website wacko-job. The last piece of good news regarding the dopey Pope? He will remain a "quasi-public figure". So, we will still have old Pope to kick around.

Then there's Jim Noll. In a word, IDIOT.

And of course there is the incoming council.

We already know that pasty battle-axe Mary Koenig is over-stepping her legal authority. We have every confidence that she will do for the mediocre Martin what she did for Steve Clark. And then some.

Has anyone seen Brian Wischer since election day? Some are speculating that Wischer was thrown for a major loop when the Hostess Bakery folded.

How about Rod Baehner (rhymes with Koenig)? Are we going to be subjected to two years of Martin-esques soliloquies about the battle between his head and heart? Will he emasculate himself straddling the fence? Time will quickly tell.

To the hateful Koenig, Wischer, Baehner (rhymes with Koenig) and the rest, enjoy the next two years. We know we will.

Merry Christmas everybody!

Perhaps THIS Explains It?

The Martin Chronicles hit the blogosphere on October 8, 2011. Our mission? To report on the incompetence and corruption of The Little Man From Norwood, the mediocre Mike Martin. The Norwood Sewer Rat's corruption and incompetence and our coverage of it both continue full-throttle to this very day.

What about the title? Why "The Martin Chronicles"? Well, it is a satirical take-off on the Ray Bradbury collection of short stories titled The Martian Chronicles.

In point of fact, our readers had a little trouble finding us in the very early days of our blog. Internet searches often led to The Martian Chronicles. But not any more.

Is there another reason? Perhaps there is. It would certainly explain the otherwise inexplicable.



Boomshakalaka Update

The Martin Chronicles has received numerous inquiries about the drunken, buck-naked teenage girl who recently showed up at a local loon's doorstep. We've learned more details and thought we would pass them along.

Many people want to know who the "local loon" is. There are so many loons in mediocre Mayor Mike Martin's Villa Hills, after all. Shorty included. We can tell you this:

• This loon is not a big fan of commercial development. Especially commercial development near his home; and
• This loon has been known to put defamatory, fluorescent pink signs in his yard; and
• This loon became legendary for going door-to-door passing out equally defamatory coroner's toe tags during the 2010 election; and
• Councilflake Mike Pope accused this loon of building a "playhouse" in his backyard so that he could spy on Pope's children; and
• This loon was a surprise witness during malfeasant Mayor Martin's removal hearing.

Got it? We thought so.

The story gets better. There were actually two drunken, buck-naked teenaged girls. They drove several miles to this loon's house after having a single-car accident-with their airbags deployed!

We'll finish the story of what happened when this loon opened his door to greet two drunken, buck-naked teenaged girls in a future post. It will shock and amaze you.

A Word For Our Publisher

The Martin Chronicles began reporting on that corrupt clown car known as the misadministration of Villa Hills mediocre Mayor Mike Martin on October 8, 2011. It hasn't always been easy and it hasn't always been fun. But we have done it.

Every now and again one of our informants tells us that a subject of our reportage has gotten their nose out of joint. They bleat. They bray. They howl. But they also know we have done nothing but report the truth.

So, to all of those participants in that panoply of the pathetic and perverted lead by The Norwood Sewer Rat we have this to say. Too bad.

Who's Not Getting The Job Done?

The Martin Chronicles is reluctant to report on the burgeoning crime wave in mediocre Mayor Mike Martin's Villa Hills. Why? Well, we think the news of a growing number of car thefts and home invasions may inspire Martin and his loony goon squad to press ahead even more quickly to disband the Villa Hills Police Department.

We can just hear Mayor Mighty Mouse now. "If they can't get the job done, I'll get someone who will. Safety is my first priority-er, uh, give or take he he he he he". Then bilious blowhard County Boss Steve Arlinghaus will ride in on his over-loaded white stallion to save the day with his Kenton Kounty Kops. It paints a beautiful picture. If you're a hare-brained hayseed.

That would leave the open question of why Martin chose to only get rid of one entity he believes "isn't getting the job done". Just consider this.

Martin has done nothing but issue a hide-saving, bogus reprimand to inert Interim City Clerk Sue Bree. According to Shorty, Bree has regularly violated Federal and State laws and City ordinances. Sounds like a horrific "hat trick" to us. Yet she continues to take up space-shredding her old Atkin's Diet recipes in contempt of a Court order-at 720 Rogers Road. And you are paying her.

Then there is Assistant City Clerk Kimberly Robbins. According to a press release issued by The Norwood Sewer Rat himself-and dutifully served up inaccurately by some media outlets-an intoxicated Robbins threatened a Kenton Kounty Korrections Kop, telling the poor S.O.B. that "there's a bullet with your name on it". Evidently that threat led to Robbins being "arrested right in front of the City Building". WOW! Really? Is that a fact? It gives one pause about conducting any business at 720 Rogers Road.

Oh, and that scary dude MARY HARDMAN. Does illegally torching City records fit The Little CEO's definition of "getting the job done"? It must. Because not only didn't MARY HARDMAN receive her lovely parting gift, she has now been put in charge of the meaningless Martin's all-important initiatives to save coffee, paper towels and toilet paper.

Along with that allegedly-treacherous triumvirate, Martin continues to use your tax dollars to employ a Police Chief who The Little CEO says routinely lies to him, a Detective he publicly stated under oath committed perjury and planted evidence and a Public Works Director who The Little Man From Norwood says took it upon himself to wantonly destroy City property.

But wait. There's more. You are also still paying "The-Bucket-Head-Crony-Hire- Incompetent-Clerk/Bookkeeper-That-Wouldn't-Leave" Cordelia Schaber. This despite THE FACT that she announced to the world that she resigned in November, 2011. Even the Mayan Calendar tells us that is more than a full year ago.

So, if Martin is telling the truth about any or all of these people, and if your tax dollars are still paying them-exactly who is it again that isn't getting the job done?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: What local loon recently had an unknown drunken teenage girl show up at his house buck naked? And what happened next? BOOMSHAKALAKA!!!]

The Shape Of Things To Come

The Martin Chronicles has used humor to point out that at least some of the incoming Villa Hills council members have yet to meet a tax they didn't like. But it really isn't funny. And it really is true.

Let's start with the re-animated, mean-spirited Mary Koenig. For full disclosure, we suspect that there has been such an influx of hayseeds and hillbillies into the City over the past five years that there is almost no institutional memory of Koenig's despicable engineering of the disaster that was Mayor Steve Clark's brief administration and the termination of then-Police Chief Corky Brown (which, by the way, is one of the reasons we wonder why in the wide, wide world of sports soon-to-be-councilman Jim Cahill had a Koenig campaign sign in his yard. Disgraceful? Gutless? Both?)

Okay. Back to Koenig. We suspect it won't be long before the dim-witted voters of Villa Hills recognize the severity of their mistake electing this grimalkin. If for no other reason than Koenig is going to immediately grab for their wallets.

Koenig supported the payroll tax. Koenig supported the insurance premium tax. Koenig supported the recreation tax. Koenig voted for the MAXIMUM PROPERTY TAX INCREASE EVERY SINGLE YEAR SHE WAS ON COUNCIL.

So what do we expect to happen this time? Look for the Rhine Maiden Koenig to push hard to increase the insurance premium tax to the maximum amount allowed by law. And don't be surprised when the primordial necromancer re-introduces a much larger version of THE ROAD TAX.

We have also learned that the money-grubbing City government in Ft. Wright now has the Kenton County hooligans collecting an ad valorem (based on its' value) tax ON THE CARS OF ITS' RESIDENTS. If we know it, so does the vile Koenig. Look for that pasty battle-axe to push hard to enact such a tax as soon as possible. And don't be surprised when Jim Cahill fully supports Koenig's krazy proposal. How will they sell it? They'll tell the other council newbies that "it's for the children" (pronounced "chowww-drin"). How could anyone vote against the chowww-drin?

We also anticipate the mediocre Martin will conduct another one of his pathetically stupid public debates between what his head and his heart are telling him to do. Then of course there will be the voices inside his head speaking to him as well. Ultimately, the venomous Koenig will get her way.

Look. We don't care. Not even a little bit. The way everyone at The Martin Chronicles sees it, the people of Villa Hills will once again be "getting what they voted for". Even if they were too stupid to realize it.
 
[EDITOR'S NOTE: We have a question for Villa Hills miscreant Mayor Mike Martin. Just who is "Mr. Jones"?]

Cats On A Very Hot Tin Roof

The Martin Chronicles' informants are telling us that most of the new, incoming council members are very nervous about the prospects of trying to navigate between the blue smoke and mirrors that is sure to spewing non-stop from Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin beginning January 1, 2013. Those that are nervous are the smart ones. 

Just look at the senseless wreckage Martin has left in his wake as we approach the end of the first two years of his remorseless Reign of Error. Employees libeled and slandered by The Little Man From Norwood. Neighbors divided against neighbors by The Norwood Sewer Rat. Reputations of hard-working, dedicated public servants both past and present senselessly sullied by Shorty. Why? Just so that Martin could save his own dishonest hide. Most of the incoming council people know they very well may be next.

What about the lovely parting gift Martin has given the outgoing council? What? You don't know what that is? Well, he is suing them all in a disgraceful attempt to force them to pay his high-priced whore Toad McMurtry's legal fees. Is this what the malevolent Martin meant when he said it was "time to start the healing"?

Insiders say some of the newbie council-elect are also concerned about "the media pinheads". There are media pinheads aplenty who have mostly unwittingly helped The Little CEO as he stumbled along his trail of corruption.

Among the leading contenders for The Martin Chronicles' "Media Pinhead of the Year" Award is the headline writer from The Kentucky Enquirer/Community Recorder/cincinnati.com. Why? Let's just look at the most recent example. Because Despite the fact that Martin was found GUILTY on SEVEN of the NINE MISCONDUCT charges against him, the headline writer inexplicably reported that the mendacious Martin was ACQUITTED?!?! What's that word we're looking for? Oh, right. That's it. IDIOT.

And then the new council folk will have to remain mindful of Martin's fanatical hillbilly lynchmob. What happens if a council person dares to take a stand against Martin on something? On anything? Will they be subjected to ridgerunners' uncontrolled, mindless attacks and bumpkin bimbo threats of gun violence from the podium? Why should they think they will be immune from Martin's Norwood-style gutter politics?

Sources say there is one council person-elect who isn't nervous at all. You know who that is, don't you? Why, it's the re-animated Mary Koenig. The coming turf war between the meat-headed Martin and mean-spirited Koenig is going to be great fun to watch. Blood-sport at its very best. The great question? How many people-including the new council-will get caught in the crossfire. Probably a big bunch.

One local observer likens the coming showdown between Martin and Koenig to the great sci-fi movie, Alien vs. Predator. We like the analogy. And we can't wait.

Our advice to the rest of council come January 1st? Be afraid. Be very afraid.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: A piece of advice to the new council. Heed the admonition of that great boxing referee Mills Lane, "Protect yourself at all times".]

Just In Time For Christmas!

The Martin Chronicles' beloved publisher walked in to the office with an amazed look on his face this morning. He told us how he woke up very early and turned on his television to watch the news. What happened next? Our fearless leader saw an incredible infomercial. Fortunately he was able to fire up the DVR so that we can bring a portion of the infomercial to you. Who knows? You may want to buy some for last-minute stocking stuffers.

Hello, I'm Toad McMurtry, spokesperson for and co-inventor of the amazing new product Marti-MEM. Like most busy Americans, I'm sure you have found yourself in the position of either not being able or not wanting to remember some important facts.

Our amazing, breakthrough product, Marti-MEM, is scientifically-proven to help you restore your memory of key people, places and events. Start taking your dose of Marti-MEM every morning and your memory will be restored in just 48 hours!

With Marti-MEM, you may not have remembered then-BUT YOU WILL REMEMBER NOW!!!

Marti-MEM is not available in stores. Go to the phone right now and call 1-800-328-7448. Operators are standing by to take your order of Marti-MEM. That number again, 1-800-328-7448!

But wait, There's more!

Place your order for Marti-MEM in the next thirty minutes and you'll receive an autographed copy of Villa Hills Mayor Mike Martin's book, "Shoddy-At-Best Excuses For All Occasions" absolutely free! You just pay separate shipping and handling.

Go to the phone immediately and call 1-800-328-7448 and you'll receive a 30-day supply of the breakthrough product Marti-MEM and your own autographed copy of "Shoddy-At-Best-Excuses For All Occasions" all for the low, low, LOW price of $19.99. That number again, 1-800-328-7448.

This is Toad McMurtry reminding you that while you may not have remembered then, YOU WILL REMEMBER NOW when you order Marti-MEM.

DISCLAIMER: Side effects from Marti-MEM include delusions of grandeur, pathological dishonesty, extreme paranoia, uncontrollable swiveling, inappropriate laughter, the inability to discern geometric shapes and stuttering.

Do You Think Its A Sign?

The Martin Chronicles received an invitation to the Inaugural Ball being thrown for the six new incoming-or reanimated-council people who will begin serving with Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin on January 1, 2013. We think there were some misprints on the invitation. At least we sure as (EXPLETIVE) hope so. Otherwise, it's going to be an expensive two years.

The Mayor and First Lady of The City of Villa Hills, Kentucky

Cordially Invite You To Join Us

At The Villa Hills Civic Club

721 Rogers Road, Villa Hills

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Beginning at 8:30PM

To Watch

Mary Koentax

Jim Catax

Holly Mennintax-Isentax

Amy Baltax

Rod Baehntax and

Brian Wischtax

Take Their Oath Of Office.

FREE BEER, SET-UPS, GUN CLEANING, KNIFE SHARPENING & BANJO TUNING!

Bring A Buddy! Tell A Friend!

 

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Not to worry. It's unlikely that the new council will raise your property tax by any more than 4% a year. Not impossible. Just not likely.]

Swallowing Camels

The Martin Chronicles will continue to report more examples of Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's nonsensical gnat-straining like the car wash,coffee and paper towel crises. Trust us. Those three bits of nitwittery are just the iceberg's tip. The next two years promise to be Martinmageddon.

We are confident that all the tri-cornered hat-wearing, home-schooling, Liberty-Leaguing, "Don't Tread On Me" flag-waving Tea Partiers think its great that Mayor Mighty Mouse is fretting over car washes, coffee and paper towels. But like Shorty, these government-hating fanatics are missing what's commonly referred to as "the big picture".

Despite being a self-professed holy-rolling snake handler, Shorty continually disregards the good advice found in Matthew's Gospel about not straining out gnats and swallowing camels (the animal, not the cigarette). Want an example? Sure you do.

Unimpeachable sources tell us that Martin recently advised the Crescent Springs-Villa Hills Volunteer Fire Department that he was going to request that other area fire departments provide quotes for fire protection. The Tea Partiers, Liberty Leaguers and other tri-cornered hat-wearing, "Don't Tread On Me" flag-waving pinheads will certainly cheer that news. Mostly because those Martinesque fanatics are pinheads.

Why do we say that? Because the best reaction isn't always the knee-jerk one that Martin employs. Just a tad bit of research would have shown The Norwood Sewer Rat that Villa Hills residents currently pay far less for fire protection than the residents of any neighboring City. We are checking to see if Shorty ran this not-so-brilliant idea past incoming council gurus like Jim Cahill and the reanimated Mary Koenig. We hope not.

So what went wrong? Well, we are told that if the Crescent Springs-Villa Hills Volunteer Fire Department is forced to join in the bidding process it will jump from the current bargain-priced $800,000 to a more-in-line-with-the-going-rate $1.2 MILLION.

For those Martin fans who are a little weak on math-and other things-that is a $400,000 increase. To put it another way, a 50% increase in cost. For the mathematicians out there,  
$1.2 MILLION > $800,000. A whole lot >!!!!

That's a mule-choking bunch of coffee, paper towels, toilet paper and car washes.

[EDITOR'S QUESTION: While we are on the subject of total wastes of money, it has now been well over a year since Martin crony-hire, unqualified clerk/bookkeeper Cordelia Schaber claims she resigned. So why are the taxpayers still paying her $47.50 per hour?]

A New Milestone

The Martin Chronicles isn't in the habit of patting itself on the back. Tracking down all the stories in malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's Villa Hills keeps us way too busy for self-aggrandizement.

But, we had to report that in just moments The Martin Chronicles will be hosting unique visit number 80,000. That ain't bad. Not bad at all.

For those of you who enjoy our plucky little blog, please keep reading. For those of you who thought we might just pack it in, deal with it.

Martin knows we're watching. That's not going to stop. A word to the wise for the six new incoming councilmembers. We'll be watching you too.

Isn't this fun?

Potty Patter

The Martin Chronicles is still trying to verify inert Interim City Clerk Sue Bree's assertion that Villa Hills miscreant Mayor Mike Martin has ordered his embattled employees to bring their own toilet paper to work. Given Martin's bizarre obsession with car washes, coffee and paper towels, Bree's insubordinate blathering may actually be true. With Martin, all things are possible.

Sources speculate that Martin has placed MARY HARDMAN in charge of waste management at the City Building. Finally, an appropriate role.

Or, could this be another Blue Ribbon panel chaired by incoming councilmembers Jim Cahill and the reanimated Mary Koenig? We're sure they would both be flush with excitement if handed this new roll, er, uh, um, role.

One Villa Hillster has come up with a creative way for The Norwood Sewer Rat to have his embittered employees multi-task. What is the suggestion? Have all of the employees use City records in place of toilet paper! A stroke of GENIUS! Employees could get rid of the waste and any inconvenient evidence in one fell swipe.

If only The Little CEO had enacted this proposed potty program a year or so ago. Just think how much different things would be right now.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Many employers post motivatonal messages around their place of business to urge employees to new levels of performance. Here's one for 720 Rogers Road. "If there's trouble in town, flush it down.]

Paper Towel Tantrum

The Martin Chronicles continues to be amazed by accounts of Villa Hills miscreant Mayor Mike Martin's obsession with the meaningless. We've reported on the heartburn Martin has over expenditures on trivial things like car washes and coffee (amounting to less than .0003% of the total City budget). Meanwhile, easy-to-remedy, large, unnecessary expenses don't even appear on Shorty's radar screen.

Insiders tell us that Martin recently threw a fit over the use of too many rolls of paper towels. Yes, rolls of paper towels. Seriously. We aren't making any of this up.

Our sources tell us that Martin is convinced that the Villa Hills Police Department is hoarding rolls of paper towels. First the Detective commits perjury. Then the Chief lies to Shorty. Next that rascally Detective plants evidence to set up the head of the Branch Norwoodians. Later, a rogue police officer hides one of the new police vehicles from The Norwood Sewer Rat. And now this. The entire police department is conspiring against The Little CEO to hide rolls of paper towels. Oh, the humanity!

Perhaps one of the first things Martin should do come January is appoint the reanimated Mary Koenig to head a Blue Ribbon Commission tasked with finding the missing rolls of paper towels. Why, that could save the City, well, uh, er, eh, um, some dollars!

Yep. Sounds about right.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: We have a reporter trying to verify the incompetent Interim City Clerk Sue Bree's story that the malfeasant Martin makes employees bring their own toilet paper to work.]

Java Jolt

The Martin Chronicles knows it really isn't unusual for political hacks and ne'er do wells to miss the forest for the trees. It can happen for many reasons. Personal agendas. Obsessions. Sheer stupidity. Insiders tell us that Hills Villa malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin has taken that inability to "see the forest" to new lows.

On November 2 we reported Martin's angst over $8.00 car washes. We have learned that Martin is now focusing his ire on another vexing problem. What is Shorty upset about now? Well, thanks to some extensive research conducted by MARY HARDMAN, Martin has set off the alarm bells about how much money employees have spent on coffee. Coffee? No way, right? Yes, coffee.

So just how bad is it? Well, its bad. Really bad. Terrible, in fact. MARY HARDMAN has shockingly uncovered the scandalous fact that $356 has been spent on coffee so far this year. To put that in better perspective, that figure averages out to almost $2.25 a day since the new fiscal year began! It's better if you try not to think about the fact that MARY HARDMAN has been paid quite a bit more than that and these are the kinds of things your tax dollars are funding. Moving along.

There is a silver lining to all of this. Crack bean-counter Jim Cahill will be joining council come January 1. In fact, sources tell us that Cahill is already all over "the coffee case". No doubt his insight will help get these kinds of cost overruns under control.

Perhaps they will even do something to address the needless $200,000 in police overtime.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: We are working on more shocking cost-overrun stories to deliver in upcoming posts.]

Jimmy, We Hardly Knew Ye

Almost all of The Martin Chronicles staff has seen "Jim Nolls" in politics more times than they want to remember. These "Jim Nolls" are typically chock full of ego and nearly devoid of relevant talent. "Face time" is their raison d'etre. They are living proof that "The Peter Principle" is a very real phenomena [we're going to make you look that one up for yourself-if you have to].

Invariably, "Jim Nolls" never realize how far in over their heads they are. After a short period of time making a mess in one office, they announce that they feel the need for greater challenge and run for higher office. Then they crash and burn. Or become President of the United States.

Villa Hills is about to say goodbye to one of those "Jim Nolls". And, as fate would have it, this political hack actually happens to be named Jim Noll. Quite a coincidence, huh?

In all fairness, the voters of Villa Hills-who are developing quite a reputation for extremely poor judgment-are very much to blame for the creation of their incarnation of "Jim Noll". How so? Well, believe it or not, they thought they were voting for someone else. No. Seriously. We aren't kidding you. Yes. We know that's asinine. But remember. It's Villa Hills.

The "well-informed" voters of Villa Hills went so far as to make their "Jim Noll" the top vote-getter in the 2010 city council race. Talk about a "Jim Noll" who was doomed from the jump. This poor guy actually believed the voters knew who the (EXPLETIVE) he really was and considered the election results as some kind of meathead mandate.

Jim Noll's two years on Villa Hills City Council were-how best to say it-checkered with gaffes and even a little scandal The gaffes?. He wondered aloud, "What's a caucus?". It's not that he didn't know what a caucus is. It's that he didn't have enough sense to ask one of his colleagues about the meaning of caucus off-microphone.

Then there was the time Noll brought in an "expert" to talk about the many benefits of a time clock for City employees. Noll's "expert" spoke eloquently about the enhanced efficiencies that a time clock brought to the City of Ft. Mitchell. This despite the fact that Ft. Mitchell didn't really have a time clock. Details, schmetails.

Villa Hills' "Jim Noll" once voted for another councilperson's proposed ordinance. No big deal. But here's where it gets weird. Before the ink was dry on that approved ordinance, Noll proposed another ordinance that would effectively nullify the impact of his colleague's freshly-minted ordinance. Now that is (EXPLETIVE) odd. Even for a "Jim Noll".

Scandal? Well, witnesses at that "dunce-den" of a civic club claim that Jim Noll regularly got loaded before council meetings. Better yet, these same witnesses say that Noll would sometimes return to the club for a refill during the meetings. Hey, we have watched malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin mismanage a council meeting. We understand the need for a good, stiff drink. In fact, we understand the need for several good, stiff drinks.

More scandal? Noll was allegedly inordinately-and perhaps inappropriately-focused on one member of the administrative staff. This employee was so distressed that she retained legal counsel. What will come of this? Who knows? It matters not.

Most scandalous? The fact that Jim Noll publicly announced that he would never vote to remove the malfeasant Mayor Martin from office-no matter the evidence. Noll denies that Janet Martin's assistance to his failed State Senate bid was a factor. Let's say it wasn't a factor in Noll's vote. It did still reveal Noll's abject lack of common sense.

Speaking of the rigged removal hearing, we will never forget that last night. Noll was missing in action for more than forty minutes. Finally, he was spotted dressed only in his underwear in the parking lot of River Ridge Elementary. Noll soon joined the hearing and dutifully partnered with the detestable-for-many-many-reasons Mike Pope in voting their pre-arranged "no's" to Martin's removal.  Yee-hah!

Noll's new role is that of failed State Senate candidate. Noll will also soon be a former, one-term Villa Hills councilman. We thank God for those facts.

Who Needs Police Protection?

The Martin Chronicles has been pleasantly surprised by the reaction to our revelation yesterday that malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin is joining forces with the detestable, bilious blowhard County Boss Steve Arlinghaus to disband the Villa Hills Police department and contract with the Kenton Kounty Kops for police "protection". Many people are expressing genuine concern. What the heck? There must still be at least a few sane people left in the Baghdad of the Bluegrass after all. Maybe. Possibly. At least we hope so.

What were we expecting? Well, given the results of the last election we believed Villa Hillians would universally hail Shorty's plan. Why? Because the voters punished the four council people who actually believed that people-including Mayor Mighty Mouse-should, well, uh, ummm, er, obey the law. Imagine that?!?! So why would these same voters give a (EXPLETIVE) about police protection? But some seem to.

Regrettably, these voters' concerns come way too late. How so? Well, one thing we have learned over these past two years is that there is almost nothing anyone can do to stop a mayor of a Kentucky City of the Fourth Class from doing anything they want to do. Including breaking the law time and time and time and time again.

Residents were warned that Martin had a vendetta against the Villa Hills Police Department more than two years ago. They ignored those warnings. Now the chickens are coming home to roost.

Don't sit back thinking that this new council can stop it from happening. Let's go so far as to say that there are four votes on the new council opposed to the disbanding of the police department. The mendacious Martin could still manufacture the "need" to contract with Kenton County anyway.

How could he do that? Easy. Shorty is required by State statute to provide police protection. Suppose a couple of officers suddenly leave-or are fired. Martin could then say that he has no choice but to contract with another agency. Safety is his first priority after all. Or so he has said. Yes, we know. That is all total BULL(EXPLETIVE). Just like almost everything else The Norwood Sewer Rat says.

The Archduke Arlinghaus said he will provide Villa Hills with better, cheaper police protection. Our publisher sends you this warning. When a pompous, self-important politician like Arlinghaus promises to save you money, bury your wallet in your back yard. And bury it deep.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: We are now fairly sure that the insubordinate Interim City Clerk Sue Bree has failed to schedule Open Records and Records Retention training for the City's Administrative staff.]

Kenton County Uber Alles

The Martin Chronicles has talked to several well-placed sources who tell us that it may not be very long before the residents of Villa Hills feel the consequences of the last election. Actually, the last two elections. Our publisher believes that the majority of voters have clearly proven that this impact is well-deserved. But then our publisher is quite a curmudgeon.

If you watched Monday's Crescent Springs City Council meeting you know what we are writing about. The detestable, bilious blowhard County Boss Steve Arlinghaus came to Crescent Springs in his continued quest for Kenton County Anschluss. By all accounts, Arlinghaus had little difficulty convincing Mayors Collett and Martin to join the march. No surprises there.

For those of you who think that Arlinghaus is simply continuing his power grab for Emergency Dispatch Services herrschaft, you had better wake up and smell the sauerkraut. Arlinghaus is also pushing hard to provide police protection for Villa Hills and Crescent Springs.

Such a move would be perfect for Jim Collett. Most Crescent Springers now at least privately admit that Collett's "Erlanger experiment" has been a miserable failure. Contracting for police protection with Arlinghaus' County cops has to be better, right? Erlanger is only next door. Crescent Springs is in Kenton County. It makes perfect sense. At least to Jim Collett.

What about the malevolent Martin? What better way to complete his vendetta against the law enforcement agency that arrested him for forgery? Shorty had no luck against them in court. Cutting the number of police officers by 25% wasn't enough to run off the rest of the dedicated professionals. So what's left? Well, he can simply blow up the whole department and join Arlinghaus' drive for lebensraum.

There is more evidence that Villa Hills' police protection may soon be provided by Boss Arlinghaus. What is it? We have learned that Shorty has asked the re-animated Mary Koenig to head his "Safety" Committee. Koenig was very vocal about her plans to "get rid of" the Villa Hills PD during the last election. She is now in a position to help make that happen. The Norwood Sewer Rat knows he has Koenig's vote to disband the PD. He only needs two more to get it done. That will be a cakewalk.

Maybe the brain dead hillbilly who posted his solution to Villa Hills' burgeoning crime problem on Facebook a few months ago was on to something after all. What was that hayseed's solution? Have every Villa Hillian "gun up". But don't shoot until you see the whites of their eyes.

ARLINGHAUS AKTUALISIEREN

A couple of our reporters were having lunch when they couldn't help but hear a discussion of our breaking news. They overheard the people at the next table discussing the bilious blowhard County Boss Steve Arlinghaus.

Jack: I heard that the only people who don't like Steve Arlinghaus are the one who actually know him.
Jill: That's not true, Jack. I don't know Arlinghaus at all and I hate his guts.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: We are starting to suspect that inept Interim City Clerk Sue Bree isn't actually looking for Open Records and Records Retention training for the City's administrative staff.]

Who Will Mike Duncan's Replacement Be?

Well-placed sources tell The Martin Chronicles  that long-serving City Attorney Mike Duncan is on the verge of being jettisoned. We are told that Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin can then scapegoat Duncan for the astronomical legal bills that have been rung up over Shorty's Reign of Error. At least for awhile.

So who would be brought in to replace Duncan? Observers speculate that Martin has been auditioning for a new attorney for some time. Sources have given us their potential candidates.

Jim Noll - Yes, we know that he is probably a long shot. It would not be the least bit unfair to describe Noll's one term on council as an embarrassment. Besides, Martin has already gotten what he needed from Noll. What? Noll's agreement to ignore any and all evidence of misconduct and neglect of duty presented in Shorty's removal hearing. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Nick Birkenhauer - Nick has his foot in the door thanks to Noll. He has re-written the City personnel policy in order to make it far easier for Shorty to screw everyone after January 1.

Bobby Winters - Bobby is the hack Martin hired to railroad his assistant City Clerk. He is just the kind of thug Martin would like to have around.

- And the odds on favorite -

Toad McMurtry - This high-priced whore would be a natural. Oily. Smarmy. Insincere. In other words, perfect for Martin. Boy, wouldn't that be a hoot. Besides, at least then Toad would get paid.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Still no word whether incompetent Interim City Clerk Sue Bree has secured Open Records and Records Retention training for the Administrative staff.]

Thanksgiving Leftovers

The Martin Chronicles staff is just now beginning to recover from its Tryptophan-induced funk. To a person, we had a tremendous Thanksgiving. But we are now back to work.

The way we see it, malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's Villa Hills has settled in to its own version of a funk as well. The last election resulted in a whole new-or at least reanimated-cast of characters entering the scene beginning in January. It is going to be a great deal of fun watching it all unfold. Our prediction? The next two years are going to provide solid proof that the old expression, "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions" is exactly right.

Yes, we know. The new council-well, most of them at least-come in to office with the very best of intentions. A new day is dawning. A new beginning. Turning the page. Today is the first day of the rest of our lives. A fresh start. The healing has begun. Forward. Move forward. Moving forward. Moving far forward. Okay. Enough of the mindless drivel.

You see, there is one major problem with all of the preceding pointless pap. Do you really have to ask what it is? The voters removed everything. Oh, except for the one thing that needs to go. That would be the aforementioned malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin.

We can only guess that the tri-cornered hat-wearing, home-schooling Liberty Leaguers, the inexplicably over-confident members of the St. Joe's Heavy Drinking Men's Society and the pinheads from the Civic Club are convinced that Shorty will no longer consider himself "the City's CEO". They must believe that The Little Man From Norwood will no longer see everything as solely his decision. They have to think that The Norwood Sewer Rat will morph from the mud-slinging autocrat into a participative manager who has the self-confidence to consider the opinion's of others. In other words, these enclaves are full of (EXPLETIVE).

The good news? We are already hot on the trail of some incredible stories. We will report them. You will decide. One local quipster aptly describes Villa Hills' current predicament.


"Even after the election and Thanksgiving, Villa Hills still finds itself with TWO MORE YEARS OF A LEFT-OVER TURKEY."

[EDITOR'S NOTE: We cannot confirm whether Interim City Clerk Sue Bree has yet to successfully locate any Open Records or Records Retention training for the City administrative employees. Ms. Bree should consider contacting 1-800-328-7448.]

Did Toad Land Another Gig?

The Martin Chronicles is following up on an anonymous tip. Namely that Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's high-priced whore Toad McMurtry has taken on yet another mayoral client. Who could it be this time? Our tipster reminded us that the mayor of Walton has been in the news recently. Hmmmm.

Of course you know what tactics Toad will employ if he is hired. It worked for Martin. So why wouldn't Toad's antics work in Walton? Here's how it would go:

• The Walton mayor is the target of a witch hunt
• The previous Walton mayor didn't leave the current Walton mayor a paper clip or Post-It Note
• The Walton council refuses to work with the Walton mayor
• The Walton council is made up of a bunch of bullies
• The Walton council just wants to blame the Walton mayor for breaking the law
• 75% of Walton's residents support the Walton mayor and don't care what laws the Walton mayor may have broken
• The Walton Police Chief is a liar
• The Walton Police Chief failed to tell the Walton mayor that the Walton mayor wasn't allowed to break the law
• The Walton Detective is a baboon
• The Walton Detective planted evidence to incriminate the Walton mayor
• Walton council members then tampered with that planted evidence
• The Walton City Clerk is an incompetent boob
• The Walton Assistant City Clerk has it out for the Walton mayor
• The temporary Walton City employee messed everything up
• The Walton mayor left church early to unclog the Walton mayor's neighbor's toilet
• The Walton mayor does charity work in some godforsaken Third World country

And of course, The Number One Reason that the Walton Mayor should be set free:

• The Walton Mayor didn't know then. But the Walton Mayor knows now.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Council Meeting Wednesday

The Martin Chronicles has been listening to the predictions about the council meeting scheduled for Wednesday night. Some predict there will be no meeting because the next day is Thanksgiving.

Others are expecting the hillbilly lynchmob to show up and hold what has been described as a "gloatfeast" at the expense of the outgoing councilmembers. That would be truly classless. As Jed Clampett used to say, ridge runners who would pull such a stunt would be "lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut". Which means it could certainly happen. Look, we don't call these knuckleheads Martin's hillbilly lynchmob for nothing.

Either way, most of the outgoing incumbents should keep their chins up. Standing up for the law and what is right is nothing to be ashamed of-whether a significant block of Villa Hills voters grasp that or not.

Four of the council served the residents very well for multiple terms. They accomplished many positive things. The voters certainly picked an odd way to recognize their years of dedicated service. The election results speak volumes about the ongoing decline of a City that was voted Northern Kentucky's finest just a couple of years ago.

The four council people who were targeted in the last election have nothing to be ashamed of. It is Martin who should be ashamed for what has happened.

But Shorty is clueless.

[PUBLISHER'S NOTE: Lest we forget, Happy Thanksgiving to our growing audience. Hey, it could always be a lot worse!]

Stand By For More Fun

The Martin Chronicles is busy tracking down several story leads. you will want to keep an eye out for all of the fast breaking news on the wacky world of Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin. It's getting wackier by the hour.

We previously told you that Martin really, really, really did not need a visit from the Labor Department. Well, he got one any way. Given the heated "discussion" that occurred between Shorty and the Labor Department representative, it did not go well at all for The Little CEO.

Martin's defense for refusing to pay employees for time worked? We are told that Martin accused certain employees of falsifying their time sheets. Pretty serious allegation there Shorty. We hope you have proof.

Again, Martin is assuming his patented "the whole world will do absolutely anything to get me" mode. If he continues to foolishly throw mud in every direction that may finally end up becoming true.

Stay tuned for more on this and several other developing stories.

Looking Ahead: Part Three

The Martin Chronicles has been truly amazed at how forthcoming the snitches inside the Civic Club have been since the election. We are also at least mildly surprised by how many people are actually happy that "The Dead Pecker Row's Choice" for a seat on council was unsuccessful in his LIBELOUS run-at least for the moment. More about that in a future post.

Some of the information the snitches send is expected. Some of the scoops they reveal are shocking-even for a dishonest dipstick like Martin-and in need of further investigation. Either way, we appreciate the "underground" support that is leaking out of what is the equivalent of Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's "Kremlin". Hey, it's where almost all of the really crazy plans are hatched!

So what is the latest? Our sources tell us that The Little Man From Norwood is busily digging up dirt on some of his new "friends". You know. "The six freshmen". One observer humorously described Martin's scandal-mongering as "dumpster-diving". What a visual that is.

So what is the little fella looking for? Here are four things that everyone reported:

• Shorty seems very interested in the role one incoming council person played when he was assisting the Civic Club with their financials a few years ago. You do remember what happened with the Civic Club financials a few years ago, right? Evidently so does "The Superior".
• Martin also wants to know more about why another incoming council person seems to suddenly develop uncontrollable urges to gorge on Twinkies, Ho-Hos, ice cream and potato chips. Could it be that Shorty wants to have snacks available at the council meetings? Is he looking for a business partner? Or is it something else?
• The unlicensed electrician has also been trying to get someone to explain to him how it's possible that one of the new council people couldn't even seem to remember what it was they did to earn a living when asked about that at the Civic Club candidate fiasco. Was it a simple case of nerves or too many slain brain cells?
• We also hear that The Little CEO wants to learn everything he can about a reanimated dinosaur who will be returning to council in January. He wonders aloud why the reanimated dinosaur's plans to "fundamentally transform" Villa Hills went haywire a dozen years ago. We are told Shorty wants to make sure he gets it right.

Look, we don't care what dirt Martin uncovers. It doesn't change anything he's done. He's done the same nasty, dirtbag stuff now for years. It provides him with no absolution. But it sure could make for an interesting next two years.

Oh, there is a whole lot more. But we're going to save it for now.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Finally, a council Martin can work over, er, uh, we mean work with.]

Looking Ahead: Part Two

The Martin Chronicles continues its look ahead in to the next-and we hope last-two years of Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's Reign of Error. As we previously admitted, The Martin Chronicles wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Martin is able to con his City's voters yet again, managing to get re-elected. Hey, the-to use high-priced whore Toad McMurtry's unfortunate term-baboons at the Civic Club love The Little Man From Norwood! That's what makes this "blogging stuff" so much darn fun.

Today's post deals with the fate of the Villa Hills Police Department. There are a few ways this could go. Remember, we are talking about the mendacious, mismanaging Martin. Anything-even the craziest thing anyone can imagine-is a distinct possibility. C'mon man, it's Martin!

There are some observers who are convinced that Martin will agree to hire a long-overdue and desperately-needed eighth police officer-provided "the six freshmen" agree to vote to overturn the Civil Service ordinance. How could "the six freshmen" possibly turn down such a deal? They couldn't. Even if they have some vague clue of what strings Martin has attached to the deal.

So what might these strings be? Some speculate that a former Crescent Springs Chief of Police might be the eighth officer Martin hires. This despite the fact that this potential new hire is now many, many years past his ability to effectively meet the day-to-day requirements of a patrol officer.  

So why would Martin hire someone like that? There is more than one reason. (1) This former Chief of Police is very good friends with at least one of the incoming council people. (2) He would immediately become Martin's de facto Chief of Police and-better yet-hatchet man. (3) Hiring this individual would eliminate a potentially risky head-on confrontation with Police Chief Dan Goodenough. Despite the brainless hillbillies who write Facebook posts calling Goodenough a "CROOKED ASS", the Chief is still popular in the community. Let's face it. Martin has no political capital left to burn in an ugly confrontation with the police.

Other pundits are convinced Martin will press ahead with a confrontation anyway. They believe Martin has completely misread the results of the recent election. He is "The CEO" and "The Superior" after all. The observers point out that Martin may have been setting the stage for some drastic moves when he and his high-price whore Toad McMurtry called Chief Goodenough "a liar" and accused another officer of committing major felonies.

Remember the first Special Meeting back in September?  The one where Martin used the heavy hand of a mayor of a Kentucky City of the Fourth Class to put a temporary kibosh on a removal hearing? Of course you do. One of Martin's chief henchman was not the least bit shy about openly discussing Martin's long-held desire to disband the Villa Hills Police Department and contracting for coverage with Erlanger or another City at that meeting. He even described that move as "Martin's plan".There is really no reason to believe Martin has changed his mind about that.

These observers also remind us that the same person who convinced another Villa Hills mayor that it was a really great idea to fire Police Chief Corky Brown about a dozen years ago was returned to council by the voters of Villa Hills eight days ago. Several sources tell us that this councilwoman comes back with a well-stocked agenda of score-settling. Haywire history may be well on its way to repeating itself.

And the rest of "the six freshmen"? Whether these new council members are well--intentioned or not makes little difference. In fact, all six will quickly learn that there is next to nothing they can do to stop any action that Martin chooses to take regarding the police department. The last two years prove that loudly and clearly. 

Using Martin's own words. we are fairly convinced that when it comes to the Police Department, you will continue to get EXACTLY what you voted for.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Our reporters have tracked down 5 potential new lawsuits that are likely to be filed against the mendacious Martin and a few other incredibly stupid hillbillies over the next several months. As Martin said during his removal hearing testimony-the second time, you know, when he recovered the memory he didn't have just two days earlier-"I didn't hire an attorney because you hear about possible lawsuits all the time he-he-he-he-he-he-he". He-he-he indeed.]

Stay Tuned For Part Two Tomorrow

The Martin Chronicles is spending some time in the aftermath of the recent local election to take a look ahead. We have already reported to you about the Civil Service Commission and the predictions that a competent City Clerk will finally be hired. Our reporters are digging into several "aftermath stories", including:

1. What are Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's post-election plans for the police department?
2. Just how far will the consolidation push go?
3. What will happen to the lawsuits Martin has against the six outgoing councilmembers and the taxpayers?
4. How is the power struggle for a "post-Martin" Villa Hills shaping up?
5. Is there a surprise resignation and appointment in the offing?
6. Who will the next City Attorney be?
7. Is a truly stupid Facebook post about to trigger yet another lawsuit?
8. Just who is Martin digging up dirt on, and why?

Stay tuned for these and more stories about the next two years of Martin's Reign of Error.
 
[EDITOR'S NOTE: It is truly amazing how cooperative our sources at the civic club have been since the election.]

Looking Ahead: Part One

The Martin Chronicles has spent these last few post-election days talking to several people who have proven to be in-the-know about many of the issues swirling around Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin in particular and Villa Hills in general. Our mission? To make some prognostications about what will take place over the next two years. We hope-but are in no way convinced- that these next two years are the final two years of a one-term Martin misadministration. Hey, it is Villa Hills after all. They did elect the little joker.

So what do many people see happening first? Well, the consensus is that Martin will ask the entirely new council to disband the Civil Service Commission. Given the facts that (1) Martin has been inexplicably unsuccessful working with the Civil Service Commission and that (2) the six new members on council will want to start off on a good note, most expect "the six freshmen" to grant Martin's request.

Many pundits think that isn't necessarily a bad move. Why? Because Martin testified under oath that the interim City Clerk is simply not up to the job. In fact, Martin made the case that the interim City Clerk is dangerously incompetent. And even that is being very kind. Eliminating the Civil Service Commission frees Martin up to quickly hire a real City Clerk of his choosing-pending what will surely be an easy approval by the new council-to come in and solve the open records and document retention problems that continue to plague the City.

Some wonder how many truly talented City Clerk candidates will step forward given the risk of damage to their reputation. Why? Martin has spent almost all of the last two years blaming everybody else for every single thing that has gone wrong. And, as our readers know, a whole lot has gone wrong.

The result? The reputations of elected officials, appointed officials, contract employees, police officers, clerks and public works employees have been tarnished in a very ugly way. All the while Martin portrays himself as an oddly disengaged, non-participant in the turmoil of the past two years. According to Martin his only problem has been that nobody will accept his management style.

You don't say?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: In response to numerous emails and phone calls we have received over the past hour-do not let your heart be troubled. The Martin Chronicles fully intends to give the outgoing incumbents their proper send-off. Something the voters of Villa Hills didn't really do.]