2013 Predictions

The Martin Chronicles has our Top 15 Predictions as we head in to 2013. No, we don't claim to be psychic. We simply understand that past is prologue. Don't worry. We'll keep track of our score.

1. That loud, clunking sound you will be hearing for much of the year will be caused by the butting of the heads of malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin and Councilman Mary Koenig.
2. Villa Hills' crime rate will continue to skyrocket. No, we aren't just talking about the crime that occurs daily at 720 Rogers Road.
3. The new council will quickly vote to disband the Civil Service Commission. They will also likely waste large amounts of taxpayer money on legal fees attempting to strip current employees of legal protections afforded by Kentucky statute.
4. Councilman Koenig will introduce her proposed ordinance to prohibit council from investigating the mayor. Despite the fact that such an ordinance is in direct contravention of KRS 83A, the new council will buckle under to the demands of Martin's hillbilly lynchmob and other various and sundry pinheads, gun-slingers and mouth-breathers and pass the ordinance.
5. The new council will vote to pay Shorty's legal fees owed to that doofus Toad McMurtry.
6. Little or no road repair work will be done for the third straight year. This will serve as the primary rationale for Councilman Koenig's proposed new road tax. At some point she will equate the higher taxes to the cost of "one large pizza and a pitcher of beer a month". She will fail to mention that it is the taxpayers' "one large pizza and pitcher of beer a month".
7. Mediocre Mayor Martin will falsely claim to "find" more money.
8. Mediocre Mayor Martin will trigger more lawsuits in 2013.
9. Our snitches from that cesspool called the civic club will frequently report that the drunks at the bar comment about the miscreant Martin that "that little feller is doin' a dag-blamed good job now that there is a council that will work with him". Then they will all pick their noses and say, "Yup".
10. The bilious blowhard County Boss Steve Arlinghaus will convince the malaprop Martin and the new council to turn over most City services to the Kenton Kounty storm troopers. Despite this, the City's 2013 property tax will be raised by the maximum amount allowed by Kentucky statute at the urging of all-around-good-guy Councilman Jim Cahill.
11. Despite falsely claiming to have resigned in November of 2011, bucket-headed-crony-hire-clerk/bookkeeper Cordelia Schaber will continue to receive taxpayer-funded checks to the tune of $47.50 per hour throughout 2013.
12. The insubordinate Interim City Clerk Sue Bree will remain in her inert state throughout 2013.
13. There will be discussion about raising the insurance premium tax so that "it is in line with the rate most other Northern Kentucky Cities are collecting".  
14. Councilman Koenig and others will propose raising the City's payroll tax. At some point, Martin will proclaim that "the beauty of this tax is that it isn't paid by the residents". Well, at least it isn't paid by Shorty. Along with license and permit fees for his unlicensed electrical and plumbing work.
15. Councilman Rod Baehner (rhymes with Koenig) will frequently wax ineloquently about vague concepts like "moving the City forward", "being fair" and "putting the past behind us". Hey Rod, where else would the past be but behind us? Just sayin'.

Again, Happy New Year everybody. We can't wait.