The Martin Chronicles is so proud of its web of informants and snitches. We hear so much great stuff about Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin and his brainless band of ne'er-do-wells that we could post 24/7. But it's more fun to build the suspense.
Did you know that Shorty told his newly-minted council that he still hasn't gotten even a minute of Open Records and Records Retention training for his rag-tag administrative staff. This despite the fact that The Little CEO promised to do so many, many, many, many months ago.
His reason? Well, the mendacious Martin says that there is already a court order prohibiting any further destruction of anything. Listen, you can't make this stuff up. Has Shorty already forgotten that his inert Interim City Clerk Sue Bree was caught shredding her old Atkin's Diet recipes after that court order was issued?
Could The Norwood Sewer Rat at least ask SCARY MARY HARDMAN to let the other clerks read that book that SCARY MARY HARDMAN testified under oath told her it was perfectly fine to illegally torch City records?
Speaking of the mediocre Martin's abject inability to perform even the simplest follow-up. A word of warning to the new council. Shorty promised he would provide you with all sorts of information you requested of him at Wednesday's SECRET MEETING. Just so you know, there are people still waiting for things Martin promised to provide them in 2007. No kidding. 2007.
Be careful though. If you continue to ask for those things you need to perform your council duties you will do so at your own risk. Why? Because Martin and his loud-mouthed wife Janet will rally the hillbilly lynchmob to storm to the podium at council meetings to accuse you of "bullying" and "blame-laying". You will also be informed that Shorty left church early on Christmas to unclog Sister Sharon's toilet. How dare you! Don't think it will happen? Just keep asking.
Three months since anyone has seen financials? You haven't even seen copies of the checks that have been cut? Gee, I wonder what's going-or not going-on? Again, press ahead with that reasonable request to review the City financials and see what happens. Do you know anybody else who would leave church early on Christmas to unclog your sister's toilet? Well, do ya punk?
While we are on the subject of gentle warnings to the new council. Don't fall for it. Don't be seduced by the fact that it appeared that reanimated Councilman Mary Koenig actually behaved reasonably at Wednesday's SECRET MEETING. You trust the vile Koenig even a scintilla at your own grave peril.
Our beloved publisher sees it shaping up this way. Some of the new council are like those thirsty African Water Buffalo eying that refreshing water before them. You know. The residents sent them there to make nice and return normalcy. Take a drink. Everyone is just sooooo thirsty.
What these newbies don't see is that ancient, wrinkled, starving crocodile lurking just below the surface of the water. She has been there for a dozen years now. Waiting. Waiting for her chance to settle some old scores. To finish the work she was unable to complete back in 2000.
But the voters have foolishly given her an opening. They have given her an opportunity she has been desperately searching for for twelve long years. Go ahead newbies. Take that cool, refreshing drink of water.
But don't say you weren't warned when the crocodile Koenig leaps up to sink her hateful jaws into your snout. Then it will be far too late. She may kill you quickly. Or, she may take her time and relish in your misfortune. But kill you she will.
