The Martin Chronicles knows you look forward to weekends. They represent a chance to recharge your batteries after a grueling work week. We're looking forward to this weekend as well. Why? The Martin Chronicles will be welcoming our 110,000th visitor. As we readily admit, none of this would be possible without the seemingly non-stop stream of foul-ups, misdeeds, bleeps and blunders by Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin.
You know what we mean, right? All the foul-ups, misdeeds, bleeps and blunders for which Martin blames everybody else. Martin's twist on Harry Truman's old slogan? "The buck never got here".
Neighborly observations.
We are working on a story about what "hobby" loopy current councilmembers HBM-I, Brian R. Wischer and former loopy councilmember Jim Noll just might share. We have to admit that we were confused at first. We were getting tips from their neighbors as far back as January about those three mowing the grass. It seemed to us that it was way too early in the year for that.
Recent stories have surfaced that may explain why one councilmember speaks without ever saying anything and the other simply sits there and smiles. Stay tuned.
Rows and columns.
While we're on the subject of loopy councilpeople, we almost-again, almost-felt sorry for Holly Boo Boo as she struggled with Police Chief Dan Goodenough's call report at a recent meeting. HBM-I didn't know the difference between rows and columns. For some reason, when another councilmember told her that rows were horizontal she immediately understood.
It got worse. Holly Boo Boo told Goodenough that she had a question about an item on page six of his report. Chief Goodenough gently replied, "Holly, my report only has four pages".
Test anxiety?
We are trying to confirm reports that vile ancient crocodile Councilman Mary Koenig Cabana Boy Craig Bohman actually failed the City Clerk certification test. It doesn't matter. The misleading Martin really hired Bohman to serve as City Administrator anyway. The City Clerk thing is just a sham. But we are still curious.
Either way, Bohman could always just read the book that led crony-hire giantess MARY HARDMAN to believe it was okay to illegally torch City records.
SECRET PLAN moving forward.
Our informants in Ft. Mitchell, Park Hills, Ludlow, Erlanger and Kenton County tell us that the malevolent Martin is pressing full-speed ahead with his SECRET PLAN TO DISBAND THE VILLA HILLS POLICE DEPARTMENT and contract for (LESS SAFE) protection. Vile ancient crocodile Councilman Mary Koenig is on the record as saying she hopes the issue "has been dealt with" by October.
Was it really a typo?
Some are wondering if the January 3 date on the misleading Martin's Executive Order appointing his personal attorney Toad McMurtry to also begin serving as City Attorney was really a typo. We are told that a series of Open Records requests may be filed to determine when McMurtry actually began providing professional services to the City.
Our guess? Open Records requests will be greeted with a reply tersely stating that the City doesn't have any of those records in its possession.
By the way, many believe that both Toad McMurtry and Cabana Boy Bohman will be providing the misfit Martin with a great deal of TAXPAYER-FUNDED political advice when the 2014 election campaign begins.
Why the BONUS?
Some are speculating that Martin decided to pay himself a TAXPAYER-FUNDED $23,000-plus BONUS because of all the money he claims he has "saved". We still haven't heard Martin's explanation why he is pushing to RAISE YOUR TAXES BY THE MAXIMUM AMOUNT ALLOWED BY LAW if he has "saved" any money at all.
Callery count.
Despite the LIES the mendacious Martin has been telling about his Civil Service Commission, former Covington mayor Butch Callery admitted that Cabana Boy Bohman recruited him to serve on the Commission "several weeks ago".
In a related story, we have learned that Martin has appointed Pilfering Phil Harmon as chairman of the Civil Service Commission. You may remember Harmon. He drove the get-a-way truck as his wife Regina purloined at least one, "Mayor Martin please resign now" yard sign during the tumult of 2012.
Before any of you Martinites get your shorts in a bunch about Harmon, the Villa Hills Police recovered at least one of the pinched sign from the Harmon's truck. It happened.
Is payback against the police coming?
Arrested development?
We suspect we'll have to wait until the mismanaging Martin sends out his agenda for the April 17 NON-SECRET Council meeting-most likely late in the day on April 16-to see what decision he made about the "public comment" portion of his riots-er,uh, meetings. It might be interesting to see if someone can actually talk themselves in to an arrest in just one minute. It could give a whole new meaning to "Gone in sixty seconds".
Only in Martinville.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: We hear that some people are confused about whether we are referring to them as "ass clowns", "neo-Nazis" or "gun nuts". If you have ever stood in front of the firehouse wearing Cat-in-the-Hat headgear passing out pro-malfeasant Martin signs, you are actually an ass clown AND a neo-Nazi AND a gun nut. We hope this clears things up.]
