The Martin Chronicles often finds The Kentucky Enquirer a highly entertaining read. Cindy Schroeder’s March 9 front page article, “Villa Hills infighting rages on” was an absolute laugh riot. Martin’s comments, as always, are simply priceless.
Maybe Martin’s funniest? Martin told Schroeder on the impact of the 2010 election. “I have committed to being that mayor, along with the peaks and valleys that come with it.”
That gut-busting gem got our staff to thinking. We wonder how Martin-and other contestants-would characterize a laundry list of events from his Reign of Error. Let’s play a little game. We’ll call it “Peak . . . or Valley?
Card # 1 – After weighing his options and careful deliberation, Martin decides to forego hiring a locksmith or asking someone for the combination and instead has the public works crew crush open the City safe with a backhoe. “Peak . . . or Valley?
Card #2 – Martin hires long-time crony Cordelia Schaber and pays her $47.50 per hour to oversee the City’s finances. The result? No intelligible financial reports for more than a year. “Peak . . . or Valley?
Card #3 – Martin enacts a City policy regarding Open Records requests that is in direct violation of State statutes. “Peak . . . or Valley?
Card #4 – Martin slashes police department personnel, saying that, much like at the cookie factory, he would rather pay a little overtime. The result? Police overtime is trending towards $175,000 for the current, dismal fiscal year. “Peak . . . or Valley?”
Card #5 – Martin and the rest of his brainy finance team are never able to prepare a budget that the majority of council will approve. Despite operating the City without a current budget, Martin is still trending to end the current, dismal fiscal year with a nearly $300,000 budget shortfall. “Peak . . . or Valley?”
Card #6 – Martin’s unrestrained hostility towards a City employee he had been suing unsuccessfully for three years triggers another very serious lawsuit. “Peak . . . or Valley?”
Card #7 – Martin disregards very serious allegations from an employee who believes she is being sexually harassed by Councilman Jim Noll, and then disregards the advice given by the City attorney. The result? The taxpayers are staring another serious lawsuit right in the face. “Peak . . . or Valley?”
Card #8 – Several witnesses see Martin removing computers from the City Building after-hours. Despite strong evidence to the contrary, the mayor lies to the media saying he simply removed computers that were “in storage”. “Peak . . . or Valley?”
Card #9 – After a many-month effort by Martin, Councilman Noll and others to mislead the public into believing that his Road tax proposal is simply a vote to repeal the UNFAIR $40 PER CAR STICKER TAX, voters see through the mayors subterfuge and his proposal is rebuked at the polls by a shocking landslide margin. “Peak . . . or Valley?”
Card #10 – Martin browbeats a long-time Villa Hills Police Department veteran into retirement from the already-decimated force, leading to a further uptick in burglaries, other crime and more overtime. “Peak . . . or Valley?”
Card #11 – Martin leaves dozens of residents shivering in the freezing cold, nearly dying of exposure, at a poorly planned Christmas tree lighting debacle and then tries to pacify the angry mob with a tin of cookies. “Peak . . . or Valley?”
Card #12 – Martin convinces three council pinheads (Kilburn, Pope and Noll) to vote with him to pay County Boss Steve Arlinghaus several thousands of taxpayer dollars to collect the UNFAIR $40 PER CAR STICKER TAX and tells illegally out-of-state licensed resident “free-roaders” and folks who drive company cars to forget about paying the fee. “Peak . . . or Valley?”
Card #13 – Martin is caught illegally burning City records and then falsifying documentation after-the-fact in a pathetic attempt to cover his malfeasant tracks. “Peak . . . or Valley?”
Card #14 – Martin and Councilman Jim Noll are slapped with a “confidential reprimand” from the City Ethics Board for improperly using City personnel and resources for political advocacy. This is after Martin is caught in a bold-face lie, telling one long-time resident he has “no idea” who was responsible. “Peak . . . or Valley?”
Card #15 – Martin is seen by several people at the reeking armpit Civic Club verbally assaulting a resident for whom the mayor had earlier illegally used taxpayer money and resources to clean up her property. “Peak . . . or Valley?”
Card #16 – Martin and the rest of his brainy finance team are caught up in a secret meeting controversy. It now appears that Martin is using Mike Pope’s finance committee to assist him in his retaliation against a City employee. Lawyer up, everybody! “Peak . . . or Valley?”
Isn’t this game fun? Playing it reminds The Martin Chronicles reporters of what a great philosopher once said, “Are valleys really valleys when there are no peaks?”
