The competition for the awards will be fierce. Be sure to tune in to The Villa Hills Silver Turkey Awards Show on December 31, 2014 beginning at 7PM on TWC Channel 27 and Cincinnati Bell Channel 666. It will surely be "Must See TV".
So, here are the nominees in each category:
Worst Defeat of an Incumbent Politician Award
1. Steve Arlinghaus
2. Don Catchen
3. Mike Martin
4. Brian Wischer
5. Holly B. Menninger-Isenhour
Our Prediction:
Okay, the bilious Arlinghaus was even whipped in his own hometown. Catchen lost to an unknown write-in candidate who filed in late October. So, people finally figure out that both Arlinghaus and Catchen were costly jerks. Wischer and Menninger-Isenhour were rudely swept away by the tide of history. They both made the fatal electoral mistake of becoming rubber stamps for malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin. But Martin only received 16% of the 2014 Villa Hills vote for mayor. Good Lord! That is truly unprecedented.
Worst Supporting Bad Actor Award
1. Toad V. McMurtry
2. Craigory T. Bohman
3. Summer Berger
4. Dave Hilgefraud
Our Prediction:
Yes, Bohman was an active participant in Former Villa Hills Police Chief Dan Goodenough's railroading. Summer Berger stiffed two separate audiences when generously given a chance to explain why she should serve on the 2015/16 City Council and she lost resoundingly. Dave Hilgefraud made an ass of himself by booing Martin's opponents at the mayoral forum and got his fat butt kicked. But McMurtry is the one who billed more than $250,000 to the taxpayers carrying out Martin's very dirty work.
Worst Director Award
1. Toad V. McMurtry
2. Mike Martin
3. Larry McGovern
Our Prediction:
We think Martin and McGovern will get a "pass" because they are mostly idiots. Yes, Martin is also corrupt. Hey, he can't win every award! But McMurtry should have known better. McMurtry should have done the professional thing and resigned when Martin ordered him to do so very many disgraceful things. But McMurtry didn't resign. Instead, he just kept billing Villa Hills' taxpayers huge sums of money.
Worst Drama Series Award
1. 2014 Villa Hills City Council meetings
2. Former Villa Hills Police Chief Dan Goodenough March, 2014 Disciplinary Hearing
3. 2014 Villa Hills Finance Committee meetings
4. 2014 Villa Hills Public Works Committee meetings
Our Prediction:
All of the above are worthy candidates. They all wastefully sucked huge sums of taxpayer money. But the shameful railroading of popular Dan Goodenough that Martin corruptly orchestrated as his final revenge for the outgoing diminutive dictator's 2007 forgery arrest has to be the favorite.
Worst Ensemble Cast Award
1. The Civic Club Asshats
2. The Martin Five
3. The Social Networkers
Our Prediction:
The Civic Club Asshats are really just a bunch of hillbilly morons. The social networkers are simply Martin Kool-Aid drinkers. But, The Martin Five soberly and unsuccessfully attempted to dupe the voters of Villa Hills in to falsely believing that the malfeasant Martin was actually "moving the City forward". Oh, brother.
Worst Fictional Script Award
1. All 2014 Villa Hills City Financial reports
2. Outgoing malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's taxpayer-funded political propaganda piece enclosed in the City tax bill
3. Outgoing City Attorney Toad V. McMurtry's letters to The Kentucky Retirement Board attempting to explain that his claims in his letters to The State Auditor's Office about pension spiking were "no longer operative".
Our Prediction:
This is a very tough call. All three "fictional scripts" were-and still will be-very costly to Villa Hills taxpayers. Martin is responsible for all three lies. Thank God Martin is heading out the door.
Most Memorable Moment Award
1. Outgoing councilmember and failed mayoral candidate Holly B. Menninger-Isenhour's announcement that she planned to increase the city-wide yard sale to include garages.
2. Outgoing City Attorney Toad V. McMurtry's many assurances that his taxpayer-funded gig was safe because Mayor-elect Callery is close friends with Toad's father.
3. Outgoing City Attorney Toad V. McMurtry's desperate, taxpayer-funded attempt to get anyone to reveal the people behind The Martin Chronicles.
4. Outgoing malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's public pronouncement that "Chief Dan Goodenough is just taking a few days off".
5. Outgoing malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin admitting under oath during cross-examination at Goodeough's sham disciplinary hearing that "he failed in his duties as mayor".
Our Prediction:
Again, a very tough call. All five represent either abject stupidity or complete dishonesty. That's why we'll have to watch the show to see who does emerge as the winner in this category.
Lifetime Failure Award
1. General Zod
2. Mary Koenig
3. Outgoing malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin
Our Prediction:
Sure, General Zod has been on the wrong side of virtually everything. And Martin has been embarrassingly defeated in both a city council and a mayoral race. But Mary Koenig has been at the epicenter of more local scandals and has caused more local, costly turmoil than anyone else in the 52-year history of little Villa Hills. This should be one for Koenig's "good old boys network" that was first established in the last century and is still going strong.
The Martin Chronicles beloved publisher is throwing an extravagant party the night of the awards. For the pre-party, we'll have hors d'oeuvres including shrimp cocktail, Iranian caviar, smoked mackerel and salmon, deviled eggs, liver pate and oysters on the half-shell.
When dinner starts, well start with a delicious salad. Then a full course meal featuring bacon-wrapped filet mignon, chairbroiled T-bone steaks, perfectly-cooked rib-eye steaks, buttered-lobster, crab-stuffed flounder, sea bass, steamed brussels sprouts, corn, green beans, baby corn, peas, carrots, broccoli and asparagus and over-loaded baked potatoes.
Then, an amazing dessert bar. Plus, there will be a fully-stocked open bar. We will have fun-and gain a great deal of weight-watching the show.
Will you?
