Martin was there for other reasons as well. Several sources tell us that the defeated diminutive dictator was asking around to find out how he could obtain DVD copies of all the City meetings over which he presided. Isn't that interesting?
Some speculate Martin wants the DVD's to feed his way-too-over-sized ego. Just imagine the exiled emperor sitting in his underwear, alone in a dark room, watching and re-watching the meetings and muttering to himself over and over and over again, "No one would work with me. No one would work with me. No one would work with me." Okay. You're right. Don't imagine that.
Others believe that Martin wants the DVD's to look for non-existent proof that all of the allegations he will soon be facing in personal lawsuits aren't true. Good luck with that, little fella.
Perhaps Martin wants the DVD's for an entirely different reason. You've seen the infomercials for DVD compilations of The Carol Burnett Show, The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson and The Dean Martin Roasts. We've considered the very real possibility that Martin is planning to create an infomercial to sell The Very Best of The Mike Martin Show as a fundraiser to help cover his looming legal expenses.
Hey, it could happen. Just imagine the infomercial.
Voice-over opening:
You've read about former Villa Hills Mayor Mike Martin in The Martin Chronicles. You've read stories about the former "controversial" mayor in the dinosaur media. You've read the silly social network posts from Martin Kool-Aid drinkers trying to prop up their man. You've read Martin's taxpayer-funded political propaganda piece falsely called a "Fall Newsletter". You've even seen Martin lie to your face on local television newscasts.
Now, for the very first time, you have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to see former malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin in a way you may never have seen him before. Corrupt Government Productions is now offering you the rare opportunity to own The Very Best of The Mike Martin Show! This DVD set will also make a much-appreciated Christmas gift!
An opening interview with someone who had the misfortune of "working with" Martin:
"I worked with Martin when he was on city council. Brother, what an idiot. He never delivered on anything he promised to do. Never. I knew the city was in trouble when Martin was elected mayor. But I was still shocked about just how bad he was. What a complete jackass. What a liar. What an egomaniac. He was completely out of control for the whole four years".
Voice-over continues:
Yes, Martin is a lying, egomaniacal jackass. The Very Best of The Mike Martin Show gives you an insider's look at what a lying, egomaniacal jackass Martin was for four dreadful years. Don't miss this rare opportunity to own the complete DVD set!
You will see Martin at his boastful, chest-beating, strutting best.
Video footage of Martin:
"I'm the CEO. It's MY decision. Deal with it. We're moving on."
Voice-over continues:
You will see Martin during his worst of times.
Video footage of Martin:
"I just want to thank (choke-up) the residents (choke-up) for giving me the opportunity to (choke-up) serve (screw) them over the past (choke-up) years."
Voice-over continues:
You will see Martin making completely baseless allegations.
Video footage of Martin:
Martin: "Tim Sogar doesn't have an occupational license. He's breaking the law!"
City Attorney: "In my opinion, Mr. Sogar doesn't need an occupational license."
Martin: "What do you know? You're just an attorney! I say Sogar does need an occupational license! I'm the CEO!"
Voice-over continues:
You will see Martin mangle the English language with commentary by people who had the misfortune of working with the tiny tyrant.
"It was hilarious watching that doofus Martin try to pronounce words like 'subrogate'. What a goofball!."
Voice-over continues:
You will see Martin get caught in bold-faced lies. Just check out this hilarious moment.
Video footage:
Martin: "This whole special counsel investigation is a joke. They haven't even talked to me."
Special Counsel approached the mayor and drops several papers in front of him: "Mr. Mayor, these are copies of all the e-mails we sent you requesting a meeting. You replied that a meeting wasn't 'in your best interest'".
Martin: "Well, I guess you got me on that one, he, he, he, he, he".
Voice over continues:
And who can forget this flame-broiled whopper!
Video footage:
Councilmember: "So, the list you gave us is a complete list of all of the City records you (illegally) burned?
Martin: "Yes."
Councilmember: "Again, this list is a complete list of all the City records you (illegally) burned?"
Martin: "Yes."
Voice over continues:
You will also see rare footage of Martin telling local television reporters perhaps the BIGGEST LIE he told during his four years of disgrace. And that is really saying something!
Video footage of Martin:
"Chief Goodenough is just taking a few days off..."
Voice-over continues:
You will see Martin making shocking admissions like this one.
Attorney for Dan Goodenough: "Is it fair to say that the fact you have admitted that you never once talked with Chief Goodenough about your alleged concerns is proof that you failed in your duties as mayor?"
Martin: "I guess you could say that."
Voice-over continues:
You will see Martin's odd take on geometry. Check out this video of Martin describing the planned '911 Memorial' at Crescent Springs Community Park.
Video footage of Martin:
"The memorial will be an, uh, umm, five-sided octagon".
Voice-over continues:
You will get to see Martin right-hand-man, City Attorney Toad V. McMurtry waste huge sums of taxpayer money unsuccessfully trying to uncover the identities of The Martin Chronicles staff during Dan Goodenough's sham removal hearing.
Video footage:
McMurtry: "Do you, any member of your family or any of your friends write The Martin Chronicles?"
Witness: "No."
McMurtry: "Have you, any member of your family or any of your friends ever given information to The Martin Chronicles?"
Witness: "No."
McMurtry: "Have you, any members of your family or any of your friends ever left information-intentionally or unintentionally-in a carved-out pumpkin hidden in a local pumpkin patch to be retrieved by reporters of The Martin Chronicles?"
Witness: "No."
McMurtry: "Do you know who writes The Martin Chronicles?"
Witness: "No."
McMurtry: "Have any of your household pets, including dogs, cats, birds, lizards of any kind, insects and spiders of any category, Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs, wombats, bats, weasels, gerbils, hamsters, ferrets, rats, hooded rats, de-scented or scented skunks, squirrels, flying squirrels, sugar gliders, gophers or any other type of mammals secretly served as carriers to deliver secret information to The Martin Chronicles"?
Witness: "No."
Voice-over continues:
As a special bonus, you will also see goofball Martin defenders making total fools of themselves. Check this out!
Video footage:
DV: "This mayor does great things for people!"
CT: "Some councilmembers mistreat teenagers!"
JESA: "This investigation is just a witch hunt!"
Voice-over continues:
As you can see, these rare videos offer a rare glimpse in to the mangled mind of Mike Martin and his mind-numbed minions. You will also receive authenticated, collectible copies of important records and documents that will serve as a constant reminder of just how bad the four years of Martin truly were.
You will receive:
- An authenticated copy of the transcript were Martin admits he didn't know forgery was wrong when he was doing it but he knows it now;
- An authenticated copy of the signed Municipal Order granting Martin permission to bring in The Federal Bureau of Investigation to harass City employees he didn't like; and
- An authenticated copy of the signed Executive Order granting Martin permission to have public meeting attendees who dared to disagree with him ARRESTED;
- A very rare, authenticated copy of the 2012 disciplinary letter put in the hapless Sue Bree's employee file when Martin falsely blamed her for the illegal destruction of City records. Once thought missing forever, Corrupt Government Productions has discovered this document to include in this priceless DVD compilation!
- An authenticated copy of Martin's 2014 taxpayer-funded political propaganda piece so full of LIES that is hard to believe they could all fit on the page.
But wait. There's even more! Corrupt Government Corruptions has obtained a secretly recorded video of Mike Martin's very famous-and very hilarious- frequently-delivered civic club riff, ""F" you-"F" me-"F" them-"F" us-"F" that-"F" this-"F" him-"F" her-"F" everybody-"F" anybody-"F" the voters-once they re-elect me-I'll "F"'n do whatever the "F" I "F"'n want. "F" 'em. "F" 'em all!". This is a "must-have" for anyone who truly wants to know what a jerk-off Martin truly is!
And, if you order The Very Best of The Mike Martin Show within the next ten minutes, you will also receive a rare, special bonus. You will receive a Mike Martin bobble head absolutely free of charge! This priceless memento of the worst mayor in the history of Villa Hills comes complete with a signed, numbered certificate of authenticity. You'll want you keep this rare memento as a reminder of the most terrible four years in the history of your city!
You'll own hours of Martin's nearly endless foul-ups, bleeps, rip-offs and blunders, all caught absolutely LIVE on this great DVD set. Do not miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime chance to own the complete set!
Just pay shipping and handling (of $1,000 to fund Mike Martin's Legal Defense Fund) and the DVDs, the authenticated documents and the rare, special bonus Martin bobble head will be yours! These amazing DVDs are not available in stores! And, they make wonderful Christmas gifts!
But, you must act now!
