Elderly Woman (EW): Young man, don't you write for The Martin Chronicles?
Martin Chronicles Reporter (MCR): (Carefully looking around to make sure no one else overheard the question) Well, yes, ma'am, I most certainly do. Why do you ask?
EW: I have to tell you, I just stopped in to the Villa Hills City Building, you know, there on Rogers Road.
MCR: Yes, ma'am. I've been there picking up Open Records requests. Why?
EW: Well, I went there to ask to be placed on the agenda for this week's City Council meeting. I wanted to address that goofy Mayor Martin about all of the problems he's making for us residents.
MCR: Sure, I don't blame you. Go on.
EW: So, some young man, who seemed very odd, came to the window to tell me that Martin wouldn't even be at the meeting. This very odd young man told me that Martin was out of town.
MCR: Okay?
EW: I mean, imagine that? Some oddball tells someone he's never met before tells a total stranger that Martin is out of town. We don't have many police officers left to keep an eye on things, you know.
MCR: And?
EW: Good Lord. Suppose that this odd man has told other people that Martin is out of town. What if one of these other people comes here tonight to drink beer with their friends and tells those friends Martin is out of town? Why, they might decide to get in their car, drive west on Buttermilk, turn right on Collins, left on Amsterdam, left on Niewahner, left on Brookview and stop at Martin's house at 2630 and egg and toilet paper his house?
MCR: I see.
EW: Or suppose they have one of those new-fangled GPS thingies? All they would have to do is enter 39 degrees, .06 minutes, .0117 seconds North, 84 degrees, .599 minutes, .623 minutes West and they would find themselves right at Martin's doorstep. And his house is empty!
MCR: I get it. So you're afraid for Mr. Martin?
EW: Oh, no. A lot of people hate Martin as much as I do. That guy is terrible. I'm really afraid that they just won't take enough eggs and toilet paper!
MCR: I see. I'm sure it'll be fine.
EW: I certainly hope so. Someone needs to let that idiot Martin know how upset almost everybody is with him.
The voters will get the chance to send that message in 251 days.
