WEEKENDER: Nobody Can Be THAT Stupid, Right?

The Martin Chronicles looks at the disaster that has been the twenty-nine months of Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's mis-Administration and has to laugh. The way we see it, there are only two possible reasons for this unprecedented unravelling of what was once a solid City government. One, Martin is completely and utterly corrupt. Two, Martin is completely and utterly stupid.

Think about it. That is if you want to risk getting a terrible headache. Here's just a small sampling of the misappropriating Martin's mayhem:

1. One of Martin's first official acts is to bring aboard crony-hire-$47.50-per-hour-buffoon-posing-as-bookkeeper Cordelia Schaber to completely bollix-up the City's financial records. Despite the fact that this hillbilly huckster claims she resigned in November 2011-she still receives her TAXPAYER-FUNDED STIPEND.
2. Martin awards the City's fire extinguisher contract to yet another civic club ass clown crony. Yes, you know who you are, you Tennessee Ernie Ford-lookin' ass hat.
3. According to press reports, the mangling Martin is "fine with my decision" to crack open the City's safe with a back hoe. Yes, that's right. A back hoe! Talk about ass hats!
4. Martin hires several computer consulting firms with YOUR MONEY to do well, uh, umm, not one damned thing.
5. Martin removes several computers from City premises, later claiming they "weren't being used". This despite the fact that most of them were being used every day.
6. Martin misuses City personnel and resources pushing his colossal ROAD TAX proposal and earns himself a confidential reprimand from the Ethics' Board. And some free reams of copier paper.
7. Martin misuses City personnel and resources to clean up private property.
8. Martin later publicly berates the owner of the private property he illegally cleaned up.
9. Martin waxes ineloquently about an imaginary meeting he held with the equally imaginary Planning Commission "President Paul De Paul".
10. Martin totally and continually disregards State Open Records statutes. First he claims he ain't got 'em. Then he illegally burns and shreds 'em.
11. Martin hires menacing giantess crony MARY HARDMAN to work during tax season, which evidently lasts forever. Or until the menacing giantess crony MARY HARDMAN finally moves to Florida.
12. Martin leaves dozens of residents outside to freeze to death in the cold during his woefully mismanaged and poorly planned Christmas Open House debacle. Film at 11.
13. Martin illegally burns massive amounts of sensitive and pertinent City records.
14. Martin is given a direct order from a judge to destroy absolutely no more City records.
15. Martin destroys more City records.
16. Martin's complete mismanagement of the City budget costs the taxpayers SEVERAL HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS in unnecessary overtime.
17. Martin condemns the employees who worked the overtime hours Martin ordered the employees to work.
18. Martin's refusal to fully staff the police department leads to an unprecedented crime wave in the troubled town.
19. Martin suggests everyone purchase several guns and stockpile ammo to deal with the skyrocketing crime wave. 
20. Martin finds himself in the middle of sexual harassment allegations and does nothing.
21. Martin once again defies a court order and destroys even more City records.
22. Martin's TAXPAYER-FUNDED attorneys are unable to explain Martin's insatiable desire to illegally destroy City records at a court hearing.
23. Martin refuses to cooperate with Special Counsel Phil Taliaferro's investigation in to the malfeasant mayor's OFFICIAL MISCONDUCT and NEGLECT OF DUTY. Martin's stonewalling unnecessarily costs the taxpayers an additional tens of thousands of dollars.
24. Martin is recorded threatening to have City employees arrested if they respond to legal subpoenas to testify at the malfeasant mayor's removal hearing. He megalomaniacally refers to himself as "THE SUPERIOR" during the over-heated exchange.
25. After having it reviewed by his personal attorney Toad McMurtry, Martin sends out a wacky press release full of LIBELOUS and DEFAMATORY statements about his troubled assistant City Clerk.
26. Martin promises then-Councilman Jim Noll that he will be hired to replace City Attorney Mike Duncan in exchange for his "NO" vote on Martin's removal. More on that shortly.
27. Martin is convicted on SEVEN OF NINE COUNTS OF OFFICIAL MISCONDUCT and NEGLECT OF DUTY. The doofus headline writer at the failing Kentucky Enquirer then writes that Martin was "exonerated". Seven of nine? Sounds more like "excoriated" to us.
28. Martin announces that he is going to begin suing residents. Why? Because he can.
29. After LYING about it for years, Martin's SECRET PLAN TO DISBAND THE VILLA HILLS POLICE DEPARTMENT is accidentally revealed.
30. Martin falls victim to "the short man syndrome" and sparks a near-riot at the March NON-SECRET COUNCIL MEETING as a result of his total lack of self-control and professionalism.
31. Martin breaks his promise to Jim Noll and hires his personal attorney, Toad McMurtry, to also serve as TAXPAYER-FUNDED City Attorney and INCREASES THE CITY ATTORNEY BUDGET BY 40%.
32. Martin proposes a City budget that INCREASES PROPERTY TAXES BY THE MAXIMUM AMOUNT ALLOWED BY LAW FOR THE THIRD YEAR IN A ROW
33. Martin signs an Executive Order giving him unprecedented, sweeping powers to have residents arrested.
34. Martin hires a City Administrator disguised as a City Clerk, who then immediately begins to spy on City employees.
35. Martin promises wimpy Councilman Jim Cahill that he will come to council before he disbands the police department. The loopy Holly Boo-Boo then tells everyone who will listen that "outsourcing" for (LESS SAFE) police protection is already A DONE DEAL.
36. Martin pays himself a $23,000-PLUS TAXPAYER-FUNDED BONUS. Better yet, he refuses to properly document his TAXPAYER-FUNDED WINDFALL. Don't worry. He promises to take care of it next month.

Despite all of this turmoil, we believe Martin remains convinced that he is doing a simply marvelous job. Buttressed by pats on the back from the civic club ass clowns, the Section 8-ers from Wesley, various and sundry hillbillies and St. Jokers and of course that self-absorbed crybaby, EDDIE, Martin watches every grisly news report about his war-torn town and excitedly says, "Lookie Janet, Ah'm on that thar TeeVee agin!"

Given that sampling of scandals and screw-ups, the meat-headed Martin is most likely both completely, utterly corrupt-and incredibly stupid.