WEEKENDER: The (Almost) Human Bowling Ball

The Martin Chronicles wants to make it abundantly clear to our vast audience that we hold Villa Hills Mayor Mike Martin fully responsible for the lawlessness he has let loose on the once-proud town over which he now disgracefully presides. Yes, he's dumber than a cinder block. But he still has enough brain activity to know what he's done and continues to do.

Martin has mostly destroyed the Villa Hills City government and its once-respected police force because he wanted revenge for his 2007 FORGERY ARREST. Martin has intentionally defamed, libeled and slandered the reputations of several undeserving public officials and harassed and intimidated long-serving employees out of their jobs because he is nothing more than a petty prick. All of that is the truth.

But, having written that important disclaimer, we have to admit that we do like the analogy a long-time Villa Hills resident recently shared with our beloved publisher. To what did this veteran Villa Hillian compare Martin? A bowling ball.

You may think that the comparison relates to the fact that Martin's cranium is as empty as that bowling ball. Or, you may believe that the comparison describes the fact that Martin generally leaves little more than destruction in his mindless wake. While both suspicions are correct, that resident drew the analogy to mean more than that.

You see, the analogy also describes the fact that others are rolling Martin like a bowling ball to wreak their own desired destruction. How so?

• A second-time-around Council Hag is rolling Martin to wreak the desired destruction to even the score for the failure of her own hand-picked former mayor.
• A jowly County Judge Executive is rolling Martin to wreak the desired destruction to increase that bilious blowhard's hegemony over the municipalities in his fiefdom.
• A former Crescent Springs Police Chief is rolling Martin to wreak the desired destruction of a police department he has envied for many years.
• A group of civic club ass clowns is rolling Martin to wreak the desired destruction of a City government they hate because it was revealed that they were up to their ear lobes in an embezzlement scandal that ripped-off hundreds of thousands of dollars from dues-paying club members.

The list is much longer than that. But we're saving the rest for a future post. There are still 178 days till election days after all. Besides, we are sure of one thing.

The gutter snipe Martin will eventually roll right back in to the gutter where he truly belongs.





It's HEDLEY!

The Martin Chronicles has learned that Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin held a 2014  re-election campaign kick-off event hosted by the ass clowns at the Civic Club. It was attended by the very best of Martin's notorious hillbilly lynchmob.

In other words, the Civic Club bar was full of rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull d#&es, train robbers, bank robbers, a$$-kickers, s#!t-kickers and Koenigs. Sources tell us that it was a quite a rally for the little wahoo messiah from Norwood.

Observers tell us that Martin reassured the assembled mob of ne'er-do-wells by telling them that his "operatives are already busy getting dirt on potential opponents". We suspect that officials from the highest levels of Kenton County government are some of Martin's obfuscating operatives.

We wonder if any of those potential opponents had a group of respected judges opine that they had committed FORGERY for signing their deceased mother's name on their deceased mother's checks, pocketing the proceeds so that other members of the family who were also entitled to the money received nothing? We guess we'll find out soon enough.

Will the upcoming election be ugly? Will it bring more embarrassment to the already-embarrassed town of Villa Hills? You bet it will.

That's why we look forward to covering it every single day.

[PUBLISHER'S NOTE: Sources have told us that The Martin Chronicles reportage on Martin's DISHONEST "search" for former Police Chief Dan Goodenough replacement changed his decision. We're good with that.]

What's Up Now?

Martin Chronicles sources tell us they recently saw Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin along with Councilmembers Marty Koenig, Holly Menninger-Isenhour and "some bald guy" at a local establishment. We are told that they had papers spread out on the table and were having a "very serious" discussion.

These sources say that Martin had his glasses up on top of his head, was tapping his pen on the table and that his face was "as red as a beet". We doubt that means that the discussion was pleasant.

We are also being told that both Koenig and Menninger-Isenhour were "very animated". In fact, one observer said that Menninger-Isenhour was waving her arms "as if she was trying to fly". Again, we doubt that means that the discussion was pleasant.

Was that "some bald guy" Martin's personal-and now City-Attorney? We don't know that yet.

But we're going to find out.

Yep. Yet Another Milestone.

The Martin Chronicles humbly accepts the role as the number one source for news about Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's unleashed lawlessness and mismanagement. We have just welcomed our 220,000th visitor. Even our beloved publisher is pleasantly surprised by our incredible reception since we launched our pesky, little blog on October 8, 2011. A heartfelt "THANK YOU" to all of our readers, even if you think we're "vile and disgusting".

We are also pleased that much of the dinosaur media in the greater Tri-state area has figured out what a dishonest scoundrel the misdirecting Martin most certainly is. It brings us no small amount of satisfaction to know-and we do know-that many of the best dinosaur media reporters in the area check The Martin Chronicles for story leads.

Remember when some of Martin's social network supporters used to condemn WCPO-TV Channel 9 for being "biased" against the miscreant Martin? Wasn't that a hoot? Now that all of the local television outlets have accurately demonstrated that Martin is a LIAR, we don't hear much from the Martin supporters on the various social networks, do we? The defining moment? When Martin stuck his mug in front of every camera he could find and LIED to everyone, saying that former Police Chief Dan Goodenough was "taking a few days off".

We also take great pride in the knowledge that we are firmly "in the heads" of Martin's TAXPAYER-FUNDED GOON SQUAD. We loved watching Martin's personal-and now City-Attorney Toad V. McMurtry squander TAXPAYER MONEY at Goodenough's dismissal hearing trying to find out who The Martin Chronicles is. Hey Toad, you may be surprised to learn that you work with at least one of us every single day.

We also know that we owe our success to a local government that is totally out of control. We would never have been so well-received had it not been for the likes of Mike Pope, Jim Noll, Mary Koenig, Holly B. Menninger Isenhour, the "Don't Tread On Me" flag-waving Liberty League lunatics, Nurse Janet, Brian Wischer, Cordelia and Dale Schaber, the UNFAIR $40 PER CAR STICKER TAX, Sweater Boy, The St. Joe's Heavy Drinking Men's Society, Summer Berger, Crazy Joe Davola, Dave Hilgeford, Toad V. McMurtry, the Villa Hills Ethics Board, Craig T. Bohman, Wanda Widebottom, General Zod, Too Fat Tony, Joe Seeameasigntosteal and the rest of the ass clowns at the Civic Club, Phil and Regina Harmon, Steve Jowlinghaus, EDDIE, the mysterious President of the NKAPC, Paul DePaul and, of course, the focus of our "right-on-the-money" reportage, the malevolent Mike Martin. These villains, airheads and many more folks make every single day a true adventure.

We'll know if we get the chance to close up shop and move on to our next assignment in just 183 days.

 

WEEKENDER III: Thank The Great Spirit For Loose Lips

The Martin Chronicles' informants are very busy. What they tell us leads us to offer a public service. If our readers are wondering what the public service is, stand by. We have a piece of advice that we hope a certain pinhead councilwoman decides to ignore.

But here it is anyway. When that pinheaded councilwoman goes to the Civic Club to kill whatever may be left of her obviously-diminished brain cells, she might ought-a keep her big, ugly yap SHUT.

But, brothers and sisters, we are all very happy that the nincompoop councilwoman decided to run her big mouth at the Civic Club. Because it tells us that while VERY BAD THINGS ARE HAPPENING FOR THE TAXPAYERS OF VILLA HILLS THANKS TO VILLA HILLS MALFEASANT MAYOR MIKE MARTIN, a good thing may have finally happened for the railroaded former Police Chief.

We are so happy that we're all reminded of lines from a very funky, uplifting song our beloved publisher frequently pipes in to the palatial offices he provides. If you don't know the song, you should track it down. The song is performed by Pharrell Williams. You probably won't be surprised that the title of the song is "Happy".

So what are the Pharrell Williams song lines that we think of based on what we have learned from our undercover observers?

Here comes bad news, talking this and that.

But give me all you got, and don't hold it back.

Well, I should probably warn you, I'll be just fine.

No offense to you, don't waste your time, here's why-

 

Because I'm HAPPY.

If Martin and his goon squad aren't happy about the impact of a settlement with the poorly-treated former Police Chief, it must be good-and finally fair-for that former Police Chief. If it's BAD NEWS FOR THE TAXAPAYERS, well, THAT'S MARTIN'S FAULT. The voters elected Martin, after all.

As you listen to the song, clap along if you believe that HAPPINESS IS THE TRUTH.

WEEKENDER II: A Whole New Version Of "Double Dipping"

The Martin Chronicles is very blessed to have an informant in the law firm where Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's personal-and now City-Attorney Toad V. McMurtry works. Our law firm spy placed a phone call directly to our beloved publisher. You know, the great guy we affectionately refer to as "The Batman".

So, anyway, this snitch suggests that somebody requests a copy of the legal fees related to the HARASSMENT AND INTIMIDATION lawsuit ousted Assistant Police Chief Joe Schutzman has filed against the mismanaging Martin. Why? Because it appears that Toad has handed off the responsibility of dealing with Schutzman's very serious- and very COSTLY- case to someone who we will call-to protect her identity-Libby McCord.

Again, anyway, the person who files this Open Records request needs to dig in to the bills. Why? Well, they might discover that both the person we are calling "Libby McCord" and Toad V. McMurtry ARE DOUBLE-BILLING THE TAXPAYERS OF VILLA HILLS FOR THE SAME WORK.

Sure, the misdirecting Martin's vapid apparatchiks Koenig, Menninger-Isenhour and Wischer will ignore the obvious. But we all know why. They are all getting something out of what was correctly-predicted as Martin's "unleashed lawlessness" in October, 2012.

The nitwits who are insisting that "this mayor does great things for people" may want to re-think their foolish statements. Why? Because Martin's MISDEEDS ARE COSTING THE TAXPAYERS A FORTUNE.

And Martin will continue to be closely watched.



 



WEEKENDER: Our Sources Have Been Very Busy

The Martin Chronicles' regular readers know we aren't in the habit of saying, "We told you so". But, when it comes to Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's manipulative antics about who will serve as the next Police Chief of the Villa Hills Police Department, well, uh, we told you so.

Our deep cover sources tell us that the mismanaging Martin has received twenty-three applications for Dan Goodenough's former job. You shouldn't be surprised that Erlanger's Mike Jansing, and Candidates A---- and B------ have emerged as the so-called "top candidates" for the position.

But of course, that's all a Martin sham. Not only are the other twenty candidates being screwed, so are Candidates A---- and B------. Why? Because Martin-and Mary Koenig-continue to intend to hire Mike Jansing for Goodenough's old job. It's a complete put-up job. Just like virtually everything else Martin has done since January 1, 2011.

Yep, we told you so. Mike Jansing has been telling everyone who will listen that this whole Martin sham is already a "done deal". We aren't surprised at all. Are you?

While we're on this subject, has anyone heard the details of the deal Martin allegedly struck with Dan Goodenough to force the long-serving Police Chief out of his job? Why do we ask? Because we haven't heard one word about it. Remember, Martin promised to release the details in early April. We know, Martin's so-called promises don't mean a damn thing. Every non-scofflaw resident of Villa Hills is still paying the UNFAIR $40 PER CAR STICKER TAX, after all.

Other sources confirm that Martin has left town and once again abdicated his authority to run the City to his-WELL-PAID-BY-THE-TAXPAYERS-City Clerk and now-City Administrator Craig T. Bohman. Oh, well. Even the belligerent Bohman can run Villa Hills better than the mallet-headed Martin.

We do want to make a point about this revelation. Despite the concerns we have learned were expressed by one pinheaded councilwoman the last time Martin abdicated his authority, The Martin Chronicles is not suggesting that any resident travel to Martin's house at 2603 Brookview to do harm. Hell, why should anyone waste eggs and toilet paper on a "lame duck" mayor?

Lastly, we have learned that things are going very badly for Martin as he desperately tries to wrap-up the lawsuits he is dealing with over his HARASSMENT and INTIMIDATION of former Assistant Police Chief Joe Schutzman. It's so bad that Martin's personal-and now TAXPAYER-FUNDED City-Attorney has handed off all dealings with Schutzman's lawyer to underpaid underlings.

Martin better realize that The Martin Chronicles is watching.