The Martin Chronicles can read Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Martin like an online post. We told you the malicious mudslinger would run an incredibly filthy campaign. But then, what else can he do?
The truth will not work for the malicious Martin. Just imagine a few examples:
- "Hi, I'm Mayor Mike Martin. Please vote for me because I wasted more than a half of a million taxpayer dollars on lawyers and legal fees for my personal vendetta against the police department"; or
- Top of the morning to ya, compadre. I'm Mayor Mike Martin. Vote for me because I used your money to pay my incredibly unqualified-oddly close-"friend" Cordelia Schaber $47.50 per over-charged hour to completely f^<{-up the city's financial records; or
- Good cheer, fellow Villa Hillian. I'm your beloved Mayor Mike Martin. I deserve your vote on November 4 because I received a "confidential" reprimand from the city's ethics board for misuse of city personnel and resources"; or
- Hi friend, I'm Mike Martin. I'm your mayor and you shall have no mayors before me. I'm the guy who ordered his wife work on a former councilman's failed State Senate campaign in exchange for his "NO" vote to justifiably remove me from office in October, 2012"; or
- "I deserve your vote because I was convicted on seven of nine counts of official misconduct and neglect of duty"; or
- "Howdy, I'm the self-proclaimed, all-powerful 'CEO' of Villa Hills and you should re-elect me because I signed a purchase order that put more than twenty-three thousand taxpayer dollars in my own pocket"; or
- "Hello, I'm Villa Hills Mayor Martin. I need your vote in November because I have clearly proven that I have been completely unable to work with two completely different city councils over the last four years.";or
- "Vote for me because I raised your sneaky insurance premium tax by nearly fifty percent"; or
- "Hey, there. I'm Mayor Mike Martin. I want your vote because I lied when I told you that former Police Chief Dan Goodenough was taking a few days off"; or
- "Greetings citizen, I'm your mayor and I deserve your vote in November because I demanded that city council give me unrestrained control over more than three million dollars of your hard-earned money to spend how ever the hell I want".
Even the dim-witted Martin has enough frontal lobe function to realize that the truth about the last four years is not good for him. Only the most ardent-and perpetually drunk-civic club ass hat would be impressed with Martin's list of "accomplishments".
So, Martin filed his papers last Friday and immediately began smearing his far-better-qualified opponents. He grabbed up his poor little granddaughter to use as a prop and headed for the St. Joes "End of Summer" Festival Friday night.
Dozens of sources tell us that Martin gleefully approached them and immediately began to trash both Ernie Brown and Irvin Callery, accusing them of all manner of wrongdoing. Many of the people Martin approached foolishly bought his 2010 lies and gave him their vote. But to a person, they said, "No way, no how. Not now, not ever, never" to the prospect of casting another vote for the diminutive dictator. Better way too late for former Police Chief Dan Goodenough and several others, we guess.
The miscreant Martin worked his way through the assembled festival throng with his poor little granddaughter in tow spreading a mountain of dirty lies about his far-better-qualified opponents. How disgusting is that? Martin was dealing dreadful calumny in the shadow of a house of worship. Martin was exposing his poor little granddaughter to the terrible sin of bearing false witness against his neighbors at an event designed to raise money for a religious institution. Are these examples of what the moron who proclaimed "this mayor does great things for people" meant? Perhaps.
Oh, Martin's mendacity doesn't stop there. Several unimpeachable sources have absolutely confirmed that the miniature Mussolini is also demanding that taxpayer-funded city employees violate city policy and Kentucky law by "engaging in political activity".
You see, Martin is insisting that taxpayer-funded city employees go out and tell the residents what a great job the tin-pot dictator is doing. In other words, Martin is ordering the taxpayer-funded city employees lie in a desperate attempt to keep his undeserving ass seated in the mayor's office.
What is Martin telling these beleaguered taxpayer-funded city employees? "You better tell the residents I'm doing a great job. If I'm not re-elected, the next mayor just might fire you." The obvious, thinly-veiled threat? If the taxpayer-funded city employees don't go out and lie about what a great job the pipsqueak potentate is doing, Martin himself will fire them. It's enough to make any rational person throw up in their mouth.
When we first learned of this Martin atrocity, we said, "Oh, really? Is that a fact? You don't say?" Why? Because Martin and his personal-and now City-Attorney Toad V. McMurtry used trumped up charges of "engaging in political activity" as one of the many false excuses to attempt to fire former Villa Hills Assistant Police Chief Joe Schutzman.
You remember Assistant Police Chief Joe Schutzman, right? He's the poor guy Martin falsely says violated his constitutional rights when the Assistant Chief supposedly cuffed and stuffed him when Martin was RIGHTFULLY CHARGED WITH FORGERY IN LATE 2007. The problem with Martin's bogus story? That isn't even remotely close to what happened.
Win or lose over the next 82 days, our beloved publisher is totally committed to exposing the terrible truth about the malicious Martin. Martin's sick twisted views on how the world should work have brought terrible embarrassment-and worse-to the tiny town of Villa Hills. This time Martin's lies will not go unchallenged.
Game on.
The Martin Chronicles is simply providing a quick update on current filings for office in malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's Villa Hills. This is shaping up to be a knock-down, drag-out election.
For mayor:
Ernie Brown
Irvin Callery
Holly Menninger-Isenhour
Malfeasant Mike Martin
For council:
Summer Berger
George Bruns
Dave Hilgeford
Greg Kilburn
Mary Koenig
Scott Ringo
Tim Sogar
Jennifer Vaden
Gary Waugaman
Brian Wischer
The Martin Chronicles is preparing an in-depth analysis of the field for our Weekender edition.
The Martin Chronicles has informants and reporters covering the Kenton County Courthouse like the proverbial blanket. We are waiting to see all of the names who will fill out the field as the 2014 race for the mayor's office and city council seats in malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's Villa Hills is just about to begin in earnest. 83 days and counting down to VVH (Victory in Villa Hills) Day
No reasonable person can honestly say that the last four years has been even remotely good for Villa Hills. Don't take our word for it. Just read the dinosaur media's news archives. There has been virtually nothing but embarrassment, followed by embarrassment, followed by embarrassment, followed by embarrassment followed by even more embarrassment.
What has been the common thread through the endless embarrassment? Well, that would be the mismanaging Martin. Hoping for some break in the humiliation, the voters surrounded the miscreant Martin with an entirely new city council. But the six new council members have had no better luck dealing with the diminutive dictator than the previous six council members had. Why? Because the misdirecting Martin is an incredibly dishonest prick.
The mallet-headed Martin currently has two opponents who would be vastly better than he has been these past four years. Let's just look at two reasons why. First, both of his current opponents are completely capable of telling the truth. Second, both have successfully managed other organizations.
There is a very hot rumor circulating around Villa Hills that a fourth mayoral candidate will file her papers today. The bad news? Her entry creates the possibility that the misdirecting Martin could be re-elected with just 26% of the vote. The good news? As woefully inadequate as this rumored fourth candidate is, even she would be a better mayor than Martin. Hell, almost anybody would do a better job than Martin has these past four dreadful years.
Sources in the know also tell us that as many as three of the incumbent councilmembers do not intend to seek re-election. Why? Well, we are told that these three councilmembers are completely frustrated because it is impossible to work with the abjectly unprofessional Martin. We are also told that these three incumbents are tired of the incessant threats they receive from Martin's personal-and now City-Attorney Toad V. McMurtry.
Today is a very important day for the Villa Hills. The voters need a very full slate of candidates from which to choose. Some of them are bound to be good choices. It is our sincere hope that the voters will take some amount of time this go-around to research each candidate. They should not take the meaningless "word" of what some civic club ass clown tells them. There is too much at stake.
The Martin Chronicles will have a full report on the complete slate of candidates.
The Martin Chronicles reported earlier today that Villa Hill malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin has filed for re-election. This will be a wild race. Martin is running against (at least) two vastly superior candidates. But then, virtually anyone with a pulse would be a vastly superior candidate. Perhaps even some without a pulse. But, we digress.
We look for the mud and the bold-faced lies to be flying everywhere for the next eighty-four days. The Martin Chronicles beloved publisher broke out his favorite piece of political technology just for the upcoming race. He figures it will be the only way to keep up with the tiny tyrant's torrent of lies.
All we needed was two new AA batteries.
The Martin Chronicles Kenton County Courthouse sources have confirmed that Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin did file his paperwork on Friday to stand for re-election. We aren't sure if the tiny tyrant is still working on City Administrator/City Clerk Craigory Bohman's house on Riggs Avenue as well.
This is going to a wild election season!
The Martin Chronicles is closely watching as the filing deadline clock winds down. The field of candidates for mayor and council in malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin's Villa Hills will be more-or-less set at 4 o'clock tomorrow afternoon. We say "more-or-less" set because there is always the real possibility that others may decide to pull a "Mike Pope" and toss their hats in the ring after the filing deadline, running as write-in candidates.
Write-in candidates will have all the way until Friday, October 24 to file their paperwork. The Martin Chronicles truly hope it happens. Imagine if at least a small handful of procrastinating pols jump in at the tail end of what should already be a full-blown, backstabbing cage match. Villa Hills door bells would be ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing, ringing and ringing some more. Local office supply stores would make a fortune-one dime at a time-on high speed copies, sell out of colored paper and rubber bands. It would make for a hugely fun final ten days of the race.
We already know that long-time Villa Hills resident-with a very long history of successful, distinguished philanthropic endeavors-Ernie Brown and short-time resident-and former mayor of the Bob Due-disgraced Covington-Irvin Callery are running for to replace the meat-headed Martin in the mayor's office.
We also know that the mysterious Brian R. Wischer-was he the one arrested on drug charges in Kenton County or not?-and the mean-spirited, vile ancient crocodile-who does absolutely nothing but constantly spread hate and discontent-Mary Koenig are running for re-election to council. Beyond that, we don't know much else. We hope the voters have far better choices for city council-and that doesn't mean the disgusting husband of MARTIN CRONY-HIRE, FORTY-SEVEN AND A HALF DOLLARS PER TAXPAYER-FUNDED HOUR INCOMPETENT BOOKKEEPER CORDELIA SCHABER-Dale, who would only be running to protect his taxpayer-funded gravy train. It is a fact that Dale Schaber is a malicious meathead.
We also hope the mallet-headed Martin files for re-election. We want to have the great pleasure of knocking down each and every LIE the mendacious Martin will surely tell for out vast audience. Oh, what great fun it will be!
We also suspect that several potential Villa Hills candidates will head to the courthouse this coming Tuesday with their signed petitions and filing fees at the ready. Why? Because they plan to wait until the final minutes to see the actual size of the candidate field before filing their paperwork and parting with their money. When you think about that for more than ten seconds, that's a hell of a way to decide whether or not you want to run for the mayor's office or a seat on city council-to help a very troubled town.
Beginning Wednesday, August 13, we expect certain civic club directors to roll out their already-accidentally-announced smear campaign as well. Given these certain civic club "pots" checkered past, it will be highly entertaining to watch them falsely call any "kettles" black. Absolute jerk-offs.
We will also quickly learn where the "Don't Tread On Me" flag-waving liberty leaguers, cat-haters, St. Joker's Heavy Drinking Men's Society members and the "Jeeves, be a good man and pull the Bentley around" crowd fall in line this time. Most of these self-absorbed dimwits bought Martin's bull$#!t in 2010. Or, just thought it would be fun to elect Martin and then watch what happened. We aren't sure exactly what these pinheads will do in 2014.
We have also learned that an explosive packet of city checks, court papers, photos, deposition transcripts, legal bills, e-mails, Executive Orders, official correspondence and other damning documents has been printed and packaged for delivery to every single door in Villa Hills in the very late stages of the upcoming campaign. The purpose? To shine a very bright light on the true-and very ugly-extent of the malicious Martin's atrocious antics over the past four years.
What's next? An 83-day, mudslinging sprint to the finish line. The Martin Chronicles will be giving our vast audience-very soon to pass the quarter of a million visits threshold-a slime-by-slime report.
Tomorrow it will be Ready, Set, GO!
The Martin Chronicles truly thinks having a "Safety Night" at River Ridge Elementary School on Wednesday, August 6 could-repeat, could-have been a very good thing. Regrettably, Villa Hills malfeasant Mayor Mike Martin must have "masterminded" what turned out to be an embarrassing debacle.
There is a general principle in the "PR" world that goes something like this. "People rarely attend events they know nothing about". Most marketing people will tell you that putting out a few shoddy-at-best, chicken-scratch signs announcing an event won't draw much of a crowd. Ask anyone whose has sat alone in a lawn chair during four dismal hours of a yard sale just how well that stupid strategy works.
And yet, that is precisely how the mallet-headed Martin "promoted" the "Safety Night" event. That probably explains why less than ten people made their way to Martin's pathetic party Wednesday night.
Oh, it gets worse. Most likely hoping for a truly tasteless campaign opportunity, the malevolent Martin manned the grill, charring hot dogs beyond recognition. As one wag put it, "Martin sure knows how to illegally burn city documents, but he ain't worth a damn with a fine piece of meat". Another pundit said, "The little bastard can cook the city's books, but he doesn't know jack $#!t about cooking a wiener".
Considering the dismal fact that barely ten people attended "Safety Night", there are several boxes of excess wieners that went un-incinerated. Perhaps Martin will ask city council to vote to declare the excess wieners "surplus" so he can then purchase them for a dollar and incinerate them at his next clumsy campaign event.
The Martin Chronicles sincerely hopes that Martin's new police chief isn't too upset by the public's underwhelming enthusiasm for Martin's two abjectly-failed attempts to pull off a "Meet the New Police Chief" function. It's not the new police chief's fault that his boss is dumber than a brick. Good luck, you poor bastard.
There is something far more sinister that happened here, though. The mean-spirited Martin chose River Ridge Elementary School for this failed event for a very malicious reason.
You see, Martin knows that disgracefully-railroaded, former Police Chief Dan Goodenough poured his heart and soul in to helping the underprivileged children who attend River Ridge. Martin was desperately hoping for a spectacular, "in-your-face" event that would have served as a metaphor for "spitting on the grave" of the former police chief's Villa Hills career. The little liar will forevermore blame Goodenough and everybody but himself for his 2007 FORGERY ARREST. But-with eternal thanks to The Great Spirit-NO DICE.
You see, the malicious Martin is a passive-aggressive little prick. The miniature Mussolini is fine with the vapid fools who sing his praises, announcing that he does "great things for people". But if even one of those vapid fools dares to step out of line, Martin will have no remorse while calumniously cutting off their private parts with a rusty knife.
Let us sum it up for you. You can take the street-brawling redneck out of Norwood. But you can't take the Norwood out of the street-brawling redneck. Even when the street-brawling redneck LIES his way in to the mayor's office in Villa Hills.
Better luck next time, you mean-spirited, little sonuvabitch.
